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Posted on Friday, December 12th, 2008

Dave!(insert heinous profanity here)

I am stuck at work waiting for the Xerox repairman to tear apart the printer yet again to see if he can get it operational. This would be swell, because I've got presentation materials that have to be printed out and FedExed on Monday.

Given that it's 6:15pm now, and the last time he took the pile of crap apart it took two hours to put it back together again... well, I think the odds of me getting out of here at a decent hour are about the same as monkeys flying out of my butt...

Monkeys Fly Out of My Ass

The good news is that I had time to open up FaceBook for the first time in months.

It's still the same time-sucking vortex of distraction I remember it to be, which is why I stopped logging in. Avoiding Facebook is essential because blogging, Twitter, Flickr, and my feed-reader are all the distraction I can handle right now.

Especially when I've got a trip to Arkansas coming up next week.

Yeah, that one kind of took me by surprise too.

UPDATE: Meh. The Xerox guy finally gave up at 8:00. Printer still doesn't work.

But that's not the worst part.


I had just finished scraping ice and snow off my car and was walking back to the office to grab my backpack... when a car came screaming around the corner and fish-tailed... into me. I managed to jump out of the way a bit, which is nice, because I probably would have ended up with several broken bones if I hadn't. As it is, I'm going to end up with a nice bruise on my hip and a sore wrist where I landed.


The roads are so slick you can barely keep your car on the road, yet this asshole is speeding along like he's on a racetrack. Of course he didn't stop after hitting me. And since I was blinded by headlights when he was heading towards me... and could only see a mound of snow as he was heading away... he (or she) gets away with it.

Karma dictates that this dumbass is going to die.

I just hope they don't take somebody else with them when they go.

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink


  1. Poppy says:

    All I have to say about the guy who hit and run is that maybe he is your wake-up call to go home earlier. Don’t waste your life just so the copier is working! SEIZE THE DAY!

    And he’s totally gonna get bit in the ass by Karma.

    I am glad you’re ok.

  2. Kris says:

    Karma, she is a bitch…and she ALWAYS gets even.

    I’m glad you’re ok. Well, physically anyway. *snerk*

  3. Randy says:

    I am REALLY sorry to hear about this–but glad that overall, you are ok. Hope you mend quickly…

    This person is just a piece of crap in all respects.

  4. Robguy says:

    That sucks. Your insurance company will probably want you to file a police report if your injuries require any professional help (xrays, physical therapy). Hope you feel better. I agree that anyone guilty of a hit-n-run should get some serious karma payback.

  5. Mik says:

    Keep an eye on the wrist, when a Dodge Ram hit me on a crosswalk it clipped my hand and I thought I was okay. Wife forced me to go to ER where I had a chipped bone in my hand.

  6. Karen says:

    He’ll actually die either way, karma or no karma, but glad you’re okay. People get stupid when it snows.

  7. Iron Fist says:

    good lord, Dave. i’m glad you’re okay. what is it about shitty weather that brings out the incompetence in humanity?

  8. Robin says:

    OMG – this is probably the former claims adjuster in me talking, but PLEASE get medical attention. Seriously….being hit by a car is no joke. It doesn’t say in your entry that you did…but please do so. And the dude that left the scene? Karma will make sure he suffers for the rest of his life because he had the balls to leave the scene of a loss. Fucker.

  9. Neil T. says:

    Yikes, hope you’re okay Dave. Glad to hear it wasn’t much worse.

  10. Heather B. says:

    Well I’m that jerk who thought you were kidding about the car thing. I’m sorry. Glad you’re ok though!

  11. Whitenoise says:

    Wow. Sympathies, dude. Hope the bruise isn’t too bad. And, I feel your printer pain…

  12. sodapop says:

    Facebook is definitely a horrible distraction from everything else that distracts me.

    The driver of that car will definitely have Karma come back and kick their ass. They’ll get theirs.

    I hope you’re feeling alright this morning.

  13. DutchBitch says:

    OMG I hope you are feeling better after a good night’s sleep (assuming you got around to that while being in pain).

  14. kilax says:

    Oh my gosh. What a dickwad (the guy that hit you). Karma will get him. I’m happy you’re okay!

  15. OMG! I remember back in college I was run over. OVER! Fecking kid in his mom’s car was showing off for his friends was going out the entrance to a parking lot and decided to floor it through a stop sign as well. I & my bike ended up under his car and luckily the bike crumpled around me like a cage and kept me from being crushed. People should be really tested before handing out cracker jack licenses to them. I hope you feel better!

  16. Nicole says:

    Holy crap! I am glad you’re ok. But hitting someone and not even stopping? Who does that?!?? I hope Karma takes care of him and him alone.

  17. yellojkt says:

    You are having a very bad day. What did you do to invoke this kind of karma?

  18. Chag says:

    Hope your knee is feeling better!

  19. Stacey says:

    Wow, Dave, I hope you’re ok.

    An elderly woman tried to back over my mom in the supermarket parking lot once. My mom started banging on the woman’s car screaming, “Lady, you’re running me over,” but the woman kept going. Fortunately she was going slowly. Another person pounded on the woman’s window and told her she was mowing down pedestrians. Of course, I don’t think the old biddy apologized.

  20. Crail00 says:

    My reaction? You did not have a very n-ice day.

    Yeah, another bad pun from me. I was deported for too many bad puns and deportation was PUN-ishment


  21. Nancycle says:

    Wow…You dodged a bullet there!

    Sending you good healing vibes.

  22. Dustin says:

    Dear Dave,

    Heard you fought a car. Please tell me after it knocked you to the ground you got up and chased it down T-2 style.

    Seriously though, glad to hear you’re okay.


  23. Wow! I am glad you are ok but what the hell was that guy thinking???? I drive like an old lady when there is the potential for being slippery out because I am terrified I will skid out of control, hit someone, kill them, and kill my own kids too. I have a whole scenario in my head of what would happen. Obviously I would live through it and then be tormented with guilt for all of my remaining days. So, my old lady driving is understandable, right? (yep. I know this is probably stuff for a therapist and not a blog comment).

    I am really glad you are all right, but did you call the police? I don’t know what they could do, but you should at least have some sort of contact with them so it is documented! I don’t know why, but I feel like you should. (see above paragraph to see that I am not entirely sane, so you don’t necessarily need to listen to me).

  24. Tug says:

    Holy cow – hope you’re feeling ok today…that sucks.

    (the flying butt monkeys made me laugh)

  25. Greeneyezz says:

    “Karma dictates that this dumbass is going to die.”

    Oh yeah.

    I’m glad that you are ok. Must have been pretty scarey.


  26. Erin says:

    Totally crappy night! Holy cow!

  27. Patty says:

    Glad your ok, those dumbass drivers! Hope your weekend is looking better.

  28. Walt says:


    That’s horrible. I was hit in NYC going to work one morning and the ass kept going. A traffic cop saw the entire thing but failed to get the plate number. I was glad I wasn’t run over but my hip and wrist hurt for days. I put a nice big dent in the side of the tan Lexus before being thrown to the street. I just don’t understand how people can feel entitled enough to potentially destroy someone’s life and simply drive away. It’s no wonder the people of our nation are hated internationally. Hell, we can hardly stand ourselves.

  29. jewelz916 says:

    Oooh….yee-ouch! Between the bruises of getting hit by a car and the potential hemorrhoids caused by the monkeys flying out of your butt…you are in BAAAAAD shape, my friend!
    Hope you feel better!

  30. Avitable says:

    Hopefully that person will receive bad “c”arma.

    You really should have called the cops, even if you didn’t see who did it.

  31. claire says:

    That’s awful, Dave. I hope you recover quickly. I’ve seen a lot of jerk drivers here too… I swear when it was pouring rain with temps on the cusp of freezing, the asswads came out in force and were driving even more recklessly than usual.

  32. TWINKIE says:

    holy shit. Fast thinking might have saved your life. OR at least the inconvenience of broken bones. I can’t believe that fucker didn’t stop. How rude.

    our copier died the other day too. Except in our case, the repairman tried to fix it for about 30 minutes then laughed and said it was so old, they didn’t make parts for it anymore. But he did what he could.

    I don’t really know what was so funny about that. Oh well.

  33. Hope you’re alright Dave. What is it about snowy weather that brings out major amounts of arsewipery in people?

  34. ChillyWilly says:

    Now your Twitter message makes total sense (and I looked like a total douche for asking “when was this?” if I would have kept up on my blog reading, I would have known)

    Nasty bruises happen. Hope yours heals quick. And may “car”ma get the asshole in the end.

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