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Posted on Friday, November 9th, 2007

Dave!For a while there, most everybody I know was obsessed with The Secret. Apparently Oprah had endorsed the program, so it must be true.

This book basically tells you that you can have whatever you want if you believe with all certainty that it's already yours. Such thinking opens you up to the miraculous "Law of Attraction" which allows you to control the universe. Since that's my ultimate goal in life, I decided to set aside my feelings (namely, that The Secret is full of crap) and give it a try.

But what would I test it on?

I found an advertisement for a beautiful new residence tower being built in downtown Chicago called 50 East Chestnut. I decided that I would use The Secret to get myself a new home in the building. I ripped out the ad and posted it on my nightstand where I could see it every night as I went to sleep and every morning when I woke up...

Dave Secret

Twice a day, morning and night, I would picture myself at 50 East Chestnut looking out over Chicago from my residence on the 24th floor. I totally owned it, and believed that the Law of Attraction would make it mine...

Dave Residence

So here I am, exactly one month later, and I don't have a home at 50 East Chestnut on the 24th floor.

Oprah, that lying bitch.

Not that I'm surprised. If The Secret actually worked, then everybody would be living in mansions, driving Porsche convertibles, and rolling around naked in big piles of money with supermodels.

Maybe I was reaching too high? Perhaps if I used The Secret to attract a box of chocolate pudding I'd have better luck?

Chocolate pudding rules.

Categories: DaveLife 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Anonymous says:

    chocolate pudding IS pretty tasty

  2. Belinda says:

    Do you remember that one Scott Adams book–I can’t recall which one right now, but it was about half text, half cartoons (maybe The Dilbert Principle?), in which he basically espoused the same exact principle for success in life? It was at the end of the book, and he went so far as to suggest writing down your goal, using only positive language, a certain number of times every day. It was a totally different tone from the rest of the book, and he seemed to be dead serious about it. Now I have to go digging around in all my Dilbert books and find it. ANYWAY, my point is that Scott Adams is who I thought of when “The Secret” came out, because he published the same secret years earlier…as, I suppose, so have plenty of others.

  3. jodi says:

    see, they always have the fallback that you just don’t WANT it enough. bastards.

  4. Mrs RW says:

    Well…I suppose it depends on the brand of chocolate pudding. Are you aiming for the Hunt’s Snack Pack or the Swiss Miss? If you’re not concentrating hard enough you might end up with the generic version – yuck!

  5. Carl says:

    The secret must be that if you try and sell this book that tells people to use their imagination, then you will get rich… I’d believe that one!

  6. kilax says:

    Did you miss the disclaimer in the book about limiting what you want to a 100 mile radius of your current home?

  7. Bre says:

    This is why I have Oprah angst. She builds it all up and then lets you come CRASHING DOWN!

  8. Hilly says:

    Why Davey-Joe, you sure do know how to make a girl swoon first thing in the a.m.! What with all that talk about Oprah being a bitch, I do believe you’re a right gentleman and a smart one too :).


  9. adena says:

    I think I yelled that exact same thing to my TV (because I do that) when I saw an ad for that stupid book.

    “Then EVERYONE would have perfect lives, you assholes!”

    Or, something to that effect.

  10. Wayne says:

    Did you forget that your neighbors didn’t want you to move, and they tried harder?

  11. JoE says:

    Because you believe it does not work…. PRESTO… it didn’t work for you.
    Scott writes about the concept quite often on his blog. It worked then for him (and others) and it continues to work for him still today. It’s been around forever. But obviously people are unwilling to change their self-defeating beliefs. That’s why we’re not all living in mansions.

  12. ChillyWilly says:

    The Secret worked for me. I wanted chocolate pudding because you were talking about it. I looked away from the computer, focused my thoughts and went to the fridge. Looking inside, I found chocolate pudding. I also found tapioca pudding (which is actually my favorite).

    The Secret works. I’ve lived it.

    (of course, it could also have had something to do with the fact that pudding is on my store list and I remembered to stock up last time I went shopping, which would invalidate the entire “Secret” process)

  13. Dave2 says:

    Anonymous… Chocolate pudding is the best kept secret there is!

    Belinda… Wish fulfillment has been around since the dawn of time, The Secret is just repackaging it. They actually discuss it in the book.

    Jodi… Of course! It’s the ultimate cop-out, even though it’s complete and total crap. Can you believe that somebody with cancer who tries to cure themselves could be told “you just didn’t want it bad enough?”

    Mrs. RW… I am such a lover of chocolate pudding that I even like that crappy generic stuff that they serve at salad bars! Though home-cooked JELL-O pudding (not instant) is my most favorite, if the truth be told.

    Carl… The Secret is certainly working for the people making money off of The Secret, that’s for sure!

    Kilax… Uhhh… no? Must have missed that. So THAT’S why it didn’t work!

    Bre… I just love the shows where Oprah has some kind of money-saving expert on and acts all interested in coupon clipping or whatever… and it’s all okay because she used to be poor. But then you realize that she’s worth a billion dollars, couldn’t possibly relate to such a situation NOW, and the whole thing seems kind of artificial somehow. I don’t hate Oprah or begrudge her vast wealth… I just think her trying to pass herself off as “one of the girls” is funny.

    Hilly… But Oprah is just like you and me… except she has a billion dollars!

    Adena… Yeah! YEAH!! (I yell at my computer screen too).

    Wayne… Dang those neighbors to heck! But who could blame them for wanting me around?

    JoE… Yes, of course it’s all my fault. Though, as I said above, that was only my INITIAL reaction to The Secret. After some of my friends said that it was working for them, I thought “well, perhaps it CAN work” and set my thoughts aside to give it a try. And, as I also said above, I really worked hard at integrating The Secret into my life. Now that nothing has happened after a month, I am embracing my first opinion (which, I’m sure you’ll say was the problem all along). If The Secret works for you, then more power to you.

    Marty… Apparently it’s all my fault because I didn’t want it bad enough last night and I was out of chocolate pudding. Today I’ll go back to the supermarket and buy some, after which I’ll change my mind again and write a glowing entry on how The Secret is REAL!!

  14. sue says:

    I’m all for positive thinking, but I thought that was a load of crap, too, when I heard about it. I mean, yeah… if you wrote the book and are getting money from it, then hell ya it works. Sheesh.

    I apologize if I just copied someone. I didn’t read the others’ comments. 🙂

  15. Belinda, I know what you’re talking about! Adams used the technique to overcome cancer. I am skeptical about things like that, but at the time I was desperate to conceive a child (tried for a year and a half to no avail) so I went ahead and tried the positive thinkings route, wrote 50 times each night “I will conceive a healthy baby” and well, I did, and she’s 7 now. I named her Dilbert. Just kidding.

  16. Rick says:

    The Real Secret… is to write a half-assed self-help book and then hire a REALLY GOOD agent to promote the ever-lovin’ shit outta it. If you can get Al Gore and/or Michael Moore to make it into a movie, that’s even better!

  17. Rik says:


    HI! ;D

    My Ex decided to live “the secret” a while ago, and she still lives in a dump and can’t pay her bills.

    I can’t decide if this says more about her or “the secret.”

  18. Robin says:

    Paste a photo of Oprah on your photo of the condo—then it comes true—that’s “the secret.”

    Ha, Ha! I hate it when Oprah thinks of herself as ‘one of the girls’ as well.

  19. Michael says:

    I wouldn’t hold out for the chocolate pudding either.

  20. Bec says:

    I have The Secret. i use it as a doorstop… So it is good or something! Cough…

  21. That’s the thing about books like this, there’s no way to prove definitively that it does or doesn’t work. There will be people who will follow the book’s tenants, will get good results and then swear by it. But for all they know they could have gotten the same results anyway, given time, even without “the secret.” And if they don’t get results, as you said, according to the book it’s because they didn’t want it enough. Either way, the book (and its author) get all of the praise and none of the blame…it’s a perfect set-up.

    People want to believe in something, make sense of the universe and gain control over their lives – that’s just human nature. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to have a positive outlook on life. But, I do think it’s a problem when a one-size-fits-all solution is sold to the public as a fix-all. What if you’re not a positive person? Maybe you’re a sarcastic, opinionated, glass-half-empty kind of person? Are these “Secret” folks saying that those type of folks can’t be a success? I think if we put our minds to it, we could name a few who have been (Edgar Allan Poe comes to mind). And are they saying that it’s always good for us to get EVERYTHING that we want? I don’t think so. Sometimes the journey and the struggle is the point – doubt, rejection, failure and how you deal with all of those, can be even more important than how you deal with success.

    I don’t know…I haven’t read the book so I can’t say. I really have no interest in it, to be perfectly honest. I’ll take my life as it is, failure and occasional gloominess and all, thank you very much.

  22. Avitable says:

    Oh no – The Secret works. I used it to visualize that you didn’t get that home. Sorry.

  23. kapgar says:

    You do realize that the only reason that Oprah endorses that program is because, anytime she wants something enough and lets enough people know, her little crew of personal assistants go out and buy it for her using her money and then leave it for her to find as though it just materialized there, right? Amazing how easy things are when you’re filthy rich.

  24. I believe in the power of chocolate pudding but not in “The Secret”

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