Blogography Logo
spacer

  Home  

Yellow

Posted on Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

Dave!AAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHHHHH!!

Apparently there are people out there who were issued a driver's license without being educated as to proper procedures and laws of the road.

An example... do you know what to do when you approach an intersection and see a flashing yellow light like this?

Yellow Light

If not, here's a f#@%ing clue for you...

FLASHING YELLOW MEANS SLOW DOWN AND PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

IT DOES NOT MEAN F#@%ING STOP!!

So when I come up behind your idiotic ass and you've stopped at a caution light because you're too f#@%ing stupid to know the difference between red and yellow... well, I'm probably going to lay on my horn until you get the hell moving.

SO DON'T STICK YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE WINDOW AND FLASH ME A DIRTY LOOK WHEN YOU'RE THE F#@%ING DUMBASS. I swear, one of these days I'm going to buy that f#@%ing gun...

Car Shot

I have accepted the fact that I am totally blameless for my road rage, and promise not to feel bad when I f#@% up your shit.

Surely there's a temporary insanity defense for these situations?


Categories: DaveLife 2006Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. dirty says:

    Surely this couldn’t even be considered insanity…stupidity needs a suitable punishment.

  2. Avitable says:

    Better watch out – RW hates posts about bad drivers. Then again, he drives a Mini Cooper.

    I just wish I wasn’t worried about legal issues. Otherwise, I’d run every one of those fuckers off the road with a nice little pit maneuver.

  3. Hilly says:

    Oh see….here in SoCal, a yellow light means “freaking gooooo, beyotch!”. Uh, if you are in my car, that is ;).

  4. apricoco says:

    what is so funny about this is that first I see your header with a davetoon giving a heart to someone; and then right below that you see a davetoon shooting someone… The juxtaposition is alarming… ha ha

  5. I think that all cars should come equipped with a mechanical arm with a razor on the end that can slash people’s tires when they do crap like this. That way there is no threat of incarceration, but you still get your point across.

  6. Mooselet says:

    What’s worse are the ones who take no heed of the flashing yellow at all, instead blowing through the intersection at top speed and causing me to slam on my brakes to avoid an accident. Times like that I wish I drove a tank so I could take their asses out.

  7. Mrs RW says:

    Even my 3-year-old granddaughter knows what a yellow light means — “slow down”. I, on the other hand interpret it to mean “hurry up before the light turns red!” Does this mean I’ve escaped the “Dave Gun”?

  8. jeff says:

    The temporary insanity defense only works WHEN YOU DON’T PUBLISH THE FACT YOU’RE GOING TO SHOOT SOMEONE AHEAD OF TIME IN YOUR BLOG!

    Of course I’m not a lawyer or anything – so I could be wrong about that.

  9. Brandon says:

    I hate to admit this, but I have stopped at a flashing yellow a couple times thinking that it was a real yellow that was turning red. Pretty stupid, I know, and I would expect someone to lay on their horn at me (luckily nobody was behind me). But I wouldn’t shoot them a dirty look, I’d just apologize out the window and start driving.

  10. Dave2 says:

    Dirty… Yes, but if I were to shoot these morons, it is I who would be considered the criminal!

    Avitable… It has me seriously wanting to weld a steel girder to the front of my car so I can just plow through all these idiots on the road… but I think the extra weight would affect my gas mileage.

    Hilly… That’s California for ya! I actually like driving in L.A. because you HAVE to be smart to drive in the city.

    Apricoco… Love your friends, family, and blog readers… shoot everybody else… that’s my motto!

    Frances… But then they would be blocking my way. I’d rather have a large explosive device so you can blow them off the road.

    Mooselet… Yeah, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell Hilly!

    Mrs. RW… Well, I can see how that might happen on a 3-way signal that had red, yellow, and green lights… but this was just a single yellow light with no ability to turn red at all. :-(

    Jeff… Once you exclude search engine hits and the like, I only have a few thousand regular readers. What’re the odds that any of them will be on my jury? I think I’ll be okay. :-)

    Brandon… This is puzzling to me. I thought there were always separate lights for red, yellow, and green. How is it a single flashing yellow light can turn colors?? Or is it a psychological thing where your mind is so used to seeing yellow lights sandwiched in-between red and green that you are seeing lights that aren’t there? Interesting…

  11. margalit says:

    Man, you’ve been really cranky lately. Is everything OK in your homelife?

    FWIW, I have to completely disagree with you about yellow lights. Yes, it does essentially mean Slow down and proceed with Caution. However, the reality is, if you live in California, you’re going to get a really hefty ticket if you go through a yellow light. Like a $290 ticket. So anyone who has received that ticket (like me) doesn’t go through yellow lights. In MANY states, the rules are the same as in CA.

    ALthough here in MA, a yellow light means “Step on It, Stupid!” But we also have the nation’s worst drivers and getting a moving violation here is almost impossible to acheive. Heck, we just today heard a news snippit about a guy who had been arrested 15 times (yes FIFTEEN) for drunk driving and still had a license. Go MASS!

  12. EDDIE says:

    I’m a little confused here. I wonder you have a different traffic light system there.Traffic lights here have non-flashing yellow… unless there’s a problem. I’ve onlyvseen it once when hurricane hit several years ago. That flashing yellow lights were going on almost all day long. No red, green. Only flashing yellow with police officers helping helpless drivers.
    Your flashing yellow light brought me back that gray wet after hurricane day…with broken trees on the street.

  13. Rabbit says:

    Personally, I prefer the people who sit at stop signs all damn day, presumably waiting for them to turn green.

  14. Kevin says:

    Just cite the rules of the road per kapgar… “red means stop; green means go; yellow means go, very fast.” That was from some movie. Can’t remember which, though. Any help?

  15. Dave2 says:

    The traffic light laws are the same in all 50 states… a FLASHING yellow means slow down and proceed with caution everywhere. If the rules were different each time, then we’d have a really tough time driving from state to state! :-)

    A SOLID yellow means a red light is about to appear and you should stop if you are not already in the intersection. It NEVER means “step on it stupid” unless you have just entered the intersection (though, you’re right, most people think otherwise!).

    Here’s the California State DMV guide page. And here’s a screen cap of it…

    California DMV Guide

    That’s the California DMV book… but you would find the exact same information in every state’s guidebook.

  16. Jill says:

    For some reason, I always seem to get stuck behind the people that slow down at green lights. Believe me when I say that is just as aggravating. Especially when I don’t make the signal because of them.

    And I hate it when people stop on on-ramps instead of merging with traffic like they are supposed to – that’s what the extra lane is for…

    And I hate it when people come to a complete stop before making a right turn into a parking lot or driveway (not an intersection!), instead of maybe using the shoulder or, heaven forbid, just making the turn so that the traffic behind them can continue on smoothly…

    And I hate it when people put their turn signals on *after* they make the turn (if they even bother to use the blinkers at all)… Or when they put on the turn signal a mile before they actually turn…

    Driving is a sore subject for me, because I am on the road a lot, so I will just stop here (is there a limit to how long a comment can be?) :)

  17. Amity says:

    AMEN!! Thank you! I’m glad I’m not the only one.

  18. Jacquie says:

    Do you feel better now sweety?

  19. Chase says:

    :|

    Yikes. That’s a lot of rage for someone wasting 5 seconds of your life.

    Breathe, Dave, breathe.

  20. Dave2 says:

    The person would-not-move. I would have been fine if he realized that he shouldn’t have stopped and started up after 5 seconds, but he didn’t. He just sat there waiting for a green light that would never come. If I hadn’t have honked, he might have never moved.

  21. Walt says:

    Dave:

    I had one of those flashing yellows on my route to work for about a year. The DOT eventually replaced it with full traffic light because idiots didn’t know what the hell to do at it. Once I was behind a guy that stopped and proceeded to wave every driver on the flashing red side to go! I went around him and the rest of the crowd behind me followed. I’ve got no time for asses being greatful to others and screwing the eight million other people behind him. In PA we’ve got really short on ramps onto our interstates. I love the people that stop at the yield signs and wait to find a break to go – zero to seventy-five is nearly impossible in ten feet! If only a slight bump to the ass end was socially okay.

  22. ms. sizzle says:

    at least you have an outlet- you can vent here and let it go.

    until the next time it happens. ;)

  23. Laurence says:

    Your drawing animated is nice.

    First of all, in France, we don’t say “yellow” but “orange”. Don’t ask me why ! I don’t know. Then, flashing yellow (or orange) light is like green but we must respect “la priorité à droite” : system of giving way to traffic coming from the right.

    I think too that some drivers got their driving licence in Kellog’s free gift !

    In France, traffic ligths are often replaced by “Rond-Point” (=gyratory crossroads)
    http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giratoire
    ADVANTAGES :
    -The Dumbass avoid stepping on the gas with yellow light (thinking that he’s got super power… he generally thinks the light will not never be red !)
    -The StOOpid avoid stopping with flashing yellow light.

  24. Hilly says:

    Dang Dave, check you out having the CA Drivers Handbook all screen-capped ;). I have to defend what I said because someone else disagreed….if a light is yellow and I am about four blocks away, I certainly don’t gun it, but if I am already up to that line, I sure as hell am not going to slam on my brakes because that would get me killed for sure…either in a fender bender or by someone getting out of their car to kill me ;). Although, to be honest, I am a bit of an aggressive driver…like you said Dave, you HAVE to be here.

    Ahhh, life behind The Orange Curtain.

  25. Wayne Hall says:

    Dave, I see where you went wrong. The California Guide says very clearly:


    You do not need to stop for a flashing yellow light but you must slow down and be especially alert before entering the intersection.

    Some people have to stop and think for a while before becoming especially alert. I think it’s the “and” that’s confusing them.

  26. Dave2 says:

    And these are the people who shouldn’t be driving! :-D

  27. kilax says:

    Dave, you get more and more crazy everyday! I love it!

  28. Laurence says:

    You had completely forgotten that I was there !!!

    Aaaaaam (sight), it is not easy to live with it… But I will try !!! :-D

  29. Dave2 says:

    Sorry. I have to work during the day. Sometimes I don’t have time to approve comments as they come, so some get missed. I always try to take time on my lunch hour to go back and approve those comments I missed!

  30. Laurence says:

    I feel guilty now ! And, it’s my turn… Sorry (if you had to take time on your lunch)

    Bon appétit, Dave ! :-)

  31. Dave2 says:

    No no… it is a wonderful escape from work to go back through my comments I might have missed on my lunch hour. I love me the comments! :-)

  32. sandra says:

    I firmly believe that all cars driven by normal people (aka, you) should come equipped with a giant, extendable fist. That way, you could punch the cars that annoyed you.

    Apparently I’d be a bad Buddhist.

  33. Bre says:

    Listen, here’s how I forsee this happening. I’ll get called for jury duty, because I always get called for jury duty. I will somehow become the foreman, based on the sheer fabulousness of my shoes and the fact that I regularly endure college students.

    Then I’ll help you out. No insanity plea needed.

  34. SJ says:

    Kevin, if you see this, the movie that is from is “Starman.” Jeff Bridges’s alien has learned to drive from watching Karen Allen drive. “Red, stop. Green, go. Yellow, go very fast.”

    The key word a lot of people seem to have missed is FLASHING. Which isn’t EVER going to turn red. But you do have to be cautious, because the drivers crossing you will have a flashing RED light, and people do run those sometimes.

Add a Comment

Blankatar!

   
I love comments! However, all comments are moderated, and won't appear until approved. Are you an abusive troll with nothing to contribute? Don't bother. Selling something? Don't bother. Spam linking? Don't bother.
PLEASE NOTE: My comment-spam protection requires JavaScript... if you have it turned off or are using a mobile device without JavaScript, commenting won't work. Sorry.




   


   


   
   
   
Your personal information is optional. Email addresses are never shown, and are only used by me if a public reply would be too personal or inappropriate here. The URL link to your web site or blog will be provided, so only fill this in if you want people to visit!



   

  Home  

spacer
Welcome:
Blogography is a place to learn and grow by exposing yourself to the mind of David Simmer II, a brilliant commentator on world events and popular culture (or so he claims).
Dave FAQ:
Frequently Asked Questions
Dave Flickr Gallery:
Dave Contact:
dave@blogography.com
Blogography Webfeeds:
Entries Feed
Comments Feed
Dave Social:
Blogography Tumblr
Blogography Instagram
Blogography on Pinterest
translate me
lost & found
Search Blogography:
thrice fiction
Thrice Fiction Magazine - March, 2011 - THE END
I'm co-founder of Thrice Fiction magazine. Come check us out!
free iphone app
Ask Dave iPhone App
Put Dave in your pocket with this FREE app for iPhone and iPod Touch. All life's answers await you with the Ask Dave app!
hard rock moment
Visit DaveCafe for my Hard Rock Cafe travel journal!
travel picto-gram
Visit my travel map to see where I have been in this world!
badgemania
Blogography Badge
Atom Syndicate Badge
Comments Syndicate Badge
Apple Safari Badge
Pirate's Booty Badge
Macintosh Badge
license
All content copyright ©2003-2017
by David Simmer II
   
Creative Commons License
This weblog is licensed under
a Creative Commons License.
ssl security
Comodo SSL