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Posted on Sunday, January 2nd, 2005

Dave!Oooh... new spoiler images of the final film in the George Lucas Star Wars prequel trilogy fiasco have been leaked all over the web! Well, not really "spoilers" per se (because we already know how everything turns out) but it would seem that George is trying to find some ways of keeping things interesting for us in Episode III (which would be a pleasant change from the horrendously bad Episodes I and II). Three images jumped out at me...

Sith Spoilers

SPOILER 1) They are finally starting to bridge the gap between trilogies, as we're getting something almost TIE-Fighteresque and almost X-Wingish about the ships now. This space dogfight shot is so delicious it has me wishing that Lucas would drop all pretense about knowing how to write good drama/romance and just stick to what he knows best, because a Star Wars movie made entirely of spaceship fights would kick ass!

SPOILER 2) Badass Christopher Lee (ridiculously named "Count Dooku") gets his ass handed to him by lameass Hayden Christensen (appropriately named "Annie Skywalker"). This is wrong on so many levels. I mean, seriously, why in the heck didn't anybody tell Lucas how implausible this is? "Hey George, you've made an error... I realize that you count on your fans suspending disbelief enough to accept that robots, spaceships, and aliens are real... but NOBODY could possibly believe that Christopher f#@%ing Lee would EVER be served by Hayden Christensen!! It's much more plausible that a puppet with a lightsaber could own Christopher f#@%ing Lee in a fight, so why not have Yoda take care of it?" Not that it would do much good trying to tell him anything... I mean, Lucas thinks high comedy involves burp and fart jokes. But Lucas also seems to think that repeating themes over and over and over again is brilliant writing, so I guess that's why we've got Annie and Dooku battling it out in front of the Emperor in his throne-room now, just like we'll have Annie and Luke battling it out in front of the Emperor in his throne-room come Episode VI. Also, I suppose it's easier to write the same thing over and over and over again rather than having to think of something original... because, heaven forbid we should actually get some fresh new ideas in a Star Wars film (oh look... somebody gets their hand chopped off AGAIN).

I hope that Episode III is at least watchable. I just don't think I can take another movie that's as heinously lame as Episodes I and II. The sci-fi geek in me would probably implode.

Categories: Movies 2005Click To It: Permalink


  1. Ben says:

    Star Wars!

    *soils himself*

  2. Dennis says:

    Is it wrong to feel that Lucas’ fascination with hands being chopped off has something to do with his mother threatening to chop little George’s hands off during the ‘discovery’ period of his teenage years?

    Anyway, the best part of EpII was when Yoda started speaking of Dooku in the past tense, and then the coward ran off. I’m seriously disappointed that it isn’t Yoda who finishes him off. And if Yoda (who in my mind is a near-god among insects) is even remotely afraid of Anakin, my head will explode right in the middle of the movie.


    So many things I fear that will permanently mar the Star Wars experience for me; so little to hope for.

  3. Ben says:

    I thought struck me – I don’t enjoy star wars for the story, but rather the cool technology.

    Give me a schematic drawing for a Droideka over some prissy ‘I’m a Queen – I still love you though, you big rascal!’ any day.


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