Oog.

Another meme. It's like 2004 all over again up in here.

1. Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. When I first watched Field of Dreams I remember being haunted by it for days. The film came completely out of left field (heh heh) and I couldn't stop thinking about how weird and wonderful it was. It didn't hurt that it had epic performances by James Earl Jones, Kevin Costner, and Amy Madigan.
2. Talk about your first kiss. Her hair smelled like green apple shampoo. Her lips were covered in strawberry-flavored Lip Smackers. We were eating lunch outside and the air smelled like the banana she was eating. I was having my first kiss in the middle of a fruit salad.
3. Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for. She liked being adventurous and creative and I couldn't get enough of her. I didn't need or desire anything outside the world we created for ourselves. I was consumed by her fire and felt alive in a way I didn't think possible. It ended badly. Something that intense couldn't have ended any other way.
4. Talk about the thing you regret most so far. Any time I lashed out in anger... regardless of whether it was deserved or not. Giving in to hatred never improves things for anybody... especially yourself.
5. Talk about the best birthday you've had. My 30th. It was so good that I haven't felt the need to celebrate my birthday ever since.
6. Talk about the worst birthday you've had. The one where I was told one of my closest friends had died.
7. Talk about your biggest insecurity. Trust. Once you've been screwed over... badly... it's really difficult to trust people again.
8. Talk about the thing you are most proud of. Being a hard worker who gives 110% to everything I take on.
9. Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. My tattoos. I regret that I didn't start getting inked much earlier in life.
10. Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had. Nothing comes to mind. I guess big fights are not my thing.
11. Talk about the best dream you've ever had. I don't dream. I don't know that I ever have.
12. Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. It's not that I dream and forget that I had been dreaming, it's that I don't dream. At least not like I understand everybody else experiences dreaming.
13. Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. I was in New Orleans... seventeen years old and completely unsupervised. A lot of first times happened that trip. She picked me up in the bar of my hotel after I acted all cool and bought her a drink late in the evening. She was at least five years older than me... perhaps ten years older than me... but that didn't stop me from chatting her up. To this day I think she was a working girl who felt sorry for me being alone in a strange city. She couldn't get a client and had nothing better to do so she did me. Or maybe her place was being fumigated and she couldn't afford a hotel room of her own. Her name (working name?) was Cyndi. She said I could call her Cyn. The irony is not lost on me.
14. Talk about a vacation. I do that a lot on this blog. I don't know what I might ad. Except to say I am dying to vacation in India. After visiting India and Antarctica, I can probably die happy.
15. Talk about the time you were most content in life. The fact that I am never content is what keeps me going.
16. Talk about the best party you've ever been to. Any party my sister throws. Always fun and she invites the best people.
17. Talk about someone you want to be friends with. Jimmy Fallon seems like he'd be an entertaining friend to have on your quick-dial list. He's always doing something interesting.
18. Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I loved my elementary school teachers, and they had a big influence on my formative years. Mrs. Beck in kindergarten was sweet and kind in a way that only somebody with infinite patience dealing with a kindergarten class can be. My first grade teacher, Mrs. Jones, has to be one of the most dedicated teachers I've ever encountered. She spent massive amounts of time outside of class (not to mention loads of personal money) caring for her students, and became a good family friend for many years. Mrs. Green, my second-grade teacher was fanatical about learning and pushed students to their limits. Despite a bit of dyslexia, I was an avid reader, and I remember very well Mrs. Green giving me book after book to push my reading comprehension and vocabulary. Mrs. Cummings in third grade... Mrs. Kenoyer in 4th grade... both amazing as well. I was very lucky.
19. Talk about something that happened in middle school. I was not a fan of middle school because I was incredibly bored throughout. I remember almost nothing from this time of my life.
20. Talk about something that happened in high school. High school was both the best of times and the worst of times. I liked my classes and teachers okay. I had plenty of friends. I was fortunate that my school provided access to early personal computers, which would change my life. I remember many good times. But it felt as though every day was spent wanting to get the hell out and I'm not quite sure why. I just didn't want to be there, felt out of place, and longed for graduation even though I had no clue as to what I wanted to do afterwards. For whatever reason, high school was something I didn't enjoy, but endured, even though I really have no reason to feel that way.
21. Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I have turned down more than one job because it conflicted with my personal convictions or didn't seem compatible with where I was at in life. The biggest was turning down a job at Microsoft. Which sounds like sheer stupidity, but it didn't feel right at all and actually ended up being a good thing since the project I would have been joining went on to be a massive failure.
22. Talk about your worst fear. That I won't be around when somebody I care about most needs me. It's a common fear for people who travel a lot, I'm told.
23. Talk about a time someone turned you down. I asked somebody I was seeing if she wanted to go to Cabo with me. She turned me down... but only after she initially agreed and I had bought tickets. This was back at a time where I most definitely didn't have money to be tossing away like that, and the thought of going on a romantic vacation by myself was too big a waste. I ended up selling the tickets to a friend, but still lost money because I had to pay a reticketing fee. I still haven't been to Cabo, despite there being a Hard Rock there for many years, because I never got over being burned.
24. Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. I maintain the most romantic gesture I've ever known was my girlfriend showing up at the airport before my flight so she could tell me goodbye for a second time that day... and to give me a new pair of shoelaces. She had noticed mine were looking a bit worn and ragged. By paying attention to such small details in my life, she made me feel as if she really cared about me.
25. Talk about an ex-best friend. Not that they were a "best" friend... but a close friend I trusted ended up being complete fiction and not at all who they made themselves out to be. It was horrible to have been lied to, lied about, and betrayed by somebody you considered a "friend," and the experience has made me very wary about trusting people ever since.
26. Talk about things you do when you're sick. Stay in bed as long and often as possible. And take every over-the-counter drug I can find in the hopes they'll fix whatever is wrong with me.
27. Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body. I am a sucker for a beautiful smile. And dark hair.
28. Talk about your fetishes. I had many, but that's all in the past. Mostly.
29. Talk about what turns you on. Honesty and hard work.
30. Talk about what turns you off. Lying and slothfulness.
31. Talk about what you think death is like. The beginning of something much stranger.
32. Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. My entire childhood felt like it was leading up to a vacation at Disneyland. And I remember a great deal about being there once we finally got there, despite it being a long, long time ago. Disneyland was still using the A-B-C-D-E ticket concept, for heavens sake! The rides, while fairly tame by today's standards, were absolute magic at the time... even though so many of the ones that left the biggest impression are long gone... Adventures Through Inner Space with that big eyeball at the end... America Sings with that massive cast of animatronic characters... CircleVision Theater... Skyway between Tomorrowland and Fantasyland... I remember them all.
33. Talk about what you do when you are sad. Watch the last ten minutes of the movie Millions or listen to music I like.
34. Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. Having kidney stones is about the most painful thing you can endure outside of childbirth... or so I'm told.
35. Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Buying things I won't ever use.
36. Talk about your guilty pleasures. The 80's... in music, movies, and culture. I'm truly a child of that era, and slipping back to the things that made it such a great time to be alive is about the best guilty pleasure I could have.
37. Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. She ended up screwing me over in the worst possible way, but it was a beautiful train wreck that I don't entirely regret. I've certainly never felt that "high" in love again, so I guess the agony of thinking I was in love with her was worth it? I honestly don't know. Upon reflection, it wasn't "real" love at all. Probably more like lust wrapped in a blanket of desperation.
38. Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Hmmm... People are People, by Depeche Mode seems the obvious choice.
39. Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier. I wish I had stopped giving a shit about other people's opinions of me much, much earlier in life. I also wish I had known that fear is a shackle that's avoidable once you realize that worrying about something is rarely worth it. If you worry about something happening and it doesn't, you worried for nothing. If you worry about something happening and it does happen, then your worrying did nothing to stop it. It takes years of practice to get over worrying, but it's time well spent, and will change your life.
40. Talk about the end of something in your life. Well, this is the end of this meme that's gone on for way too long now...