Would it surprise you to learn that I have been hiding secret information in my blog entries since the very first one? Do you find this shocking? Disturbing even?
My very own Da Vinci Code... a DAVEinci Code, if you will.
That's right. Just when you think you have experienced everything that Blogography has to offer, you find out there is a whole new level to my genius. Like an onion, this blog has many layers.
And it occasionally it smells so bad that it makes you cry...
But anyway, like I said, each of the 1156 entries here has hidden information imbedded in them... and each bit of information combines with other bits to create a grand tapestry of forbidden knowledge, ancient secrets, profound revelations, and shocking prophecies. It's a remarkable achievement, I know!
So feel free to spend your life trying to decode the fabulous mysteries contained within my blog. I just can't imagine a more noble devotion of one's time. And in order to inspire you, I've included some sample scenarios to get you started...
DAVEinci Code Sample #1: Have you ever wondered what happens if you take the fourth word of every fourth Blogography entry, convert the letters into hexadecimal, then multiply the result by four and feed the end product into Photoshop as a raw file? Well wonder no more! Here is the fabulous result...
Okay, the incredibly sexy Elizabeth Hurley doesn't actually have a mustache... I think I must have miscounted some words along the way... but that's pretty amazing isn't it?
DAVEinci Code Sample #2: Can you guess what happens when you take all the entries from my trip to China, strip out all of the vowels, convert the remaining letters into their base vector equivalents, feed the result into a cartography plotter as GPS coordinates, then overlay the resulting image over a map of the United States? Why it's a treasure map! And what happens when you link up the cities? I'll show you what...
That's right! Anybody living in Seattle, Spokane, Boise, Elko, Redding, Salem, Salt Lake City, Great Falls, Wiliston, Cheyenne, Idaho Falls, Buffalo, Minot, Omaha, Duluth, Marinette, St. Louis, Rochester, Pittsburgh, Roanoke, Chicago, San Diego, Ely, Grand Junction, Gallup, Las Vegas, Bisbee, Durango, Las Cruces, Amarillo, Cheyenne, Salina, San Antonio, Beaumont, Poplar Bluff, Baton Rouge, Pensacola, Greenville, Birmingham, Knoxville, Norfolk, Asheville, Augusta, Charleston, Orlando, and Montgomery... well, you might want to grab a shovel and start digging for buried treasure! And, if you find it, just send it to me and I'll cut you in for half of the value as a finder's fee! How cool is that?
Yes, yes... I know... it's totally incredible isn't it? And there's so much more! Want to know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried? It's in there! Want to know next week's winning lottery numbers? That's in there too! Dying to know the name of the guy who will be chosen as ball-boy at the final tennis match at next year's US Open Tournament? Yep, that's in there too!
Knock yourself out, and don't forget to forward my half of your lottery winnings.
BLOGOGRAPHY FLASHBACK ENTRY: Dave Approved: Crest
BLOGDATE: August 28, 2004
In which Dave stumbles upon the miracle of cinnamon-flavored toothpaste, and discovers a tasty new breakfast cereal topping that can kill you.
Click here to go back in time...
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You freaking crack me the hell up.
@
p.s.
I uncovered the winning lotto numbers. Damned if I wasn’t a day too late!
I knew it!! You are God, aren’t you?
Now I just need to read your whole blog to decode the numbers…. Yeah, THE numbers: 4 8 15 16 23 42.
You said you don’t watch Lost anymore… that entry was a very clear message that you know it, you know it all. And I’m sure the Monkey knows too!
Your imagination sure does take you to weird and wonderous lands doesn’t it? Thanks for letting us all come along.
That kind of miss-calculation has caused rockets to misfire. Although, i’m finding it strangely arousing.
miss-calculation, hmm, that’s almost a pun.
Right now, at this moment, I am drunkish enough that it all makses sense.
Dave is the Insidious Ruler of all.
All hail Dave. We love Dave…(hic*)(‘scuse me)
But Dave? THere’s no treasure in Austin. I’m sad… (hic!*)(‘scuse me)
i need to move back home to San Antonio…
Hmmm, I will decode all. I’m already hard at work on a program to decode random and not so permutations of Blogography source and translate them into various other forms (pictures, cartography points, chipmunks, kittens, and of course, money). The algorithm used to do all this will be horridly slow, but I’m sure that by the time it all finishes I’ll be a genius. Let’s see… if my algorithm runs in O(n^3) time and on average it takes about 1 minute to translate the source from each page…. then in only 1,544,804,416 minutes or 1,072,780.84 days I’ll be “Dave-like”. Muwahaahaha!
So Dave2, you didn’t have anything to blog about today either, huh? Me neither.
Nice save, though. :>)
What a coincidence! My blog is actually a front for a very important, coded, message. The contents of that message – encoded, naturally – are hidden within the text of this comment. Tricky, that.
Uhhh… gee SJ, I posted this at 2am and my day hadn’t even begun yet. I was just bored while waiting for a file to download and thought I’d write something just for kicks.
Ooo, good thing I’m headed down to San Diego this Friday.
If you read the entirety of my blog backwards, then act like a dog for three days, you can magically discover exactly how they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar.
And yes, it’s as mind-blowing as you’d think it would be.
You have finally lost it!
Just kidding, you’re hilarious! I wish my blogs could be as crazy fun as yours!
Dave2, you DO I was kidding, right?
Hee hee.
And just for the record, that was a very MASCULINE “hee hee.”
Just so long as it wasn’t a dripping-with-sarcasm “hee hee.”
Because I would hate for any of my current frustration and bitterness that seems to show through in everything I write thus making me sound like a nasty bitch even though it has nothing to do with the real me and is only because I’m sick of feeling like shit to be taken seriously by someone I worship with such heartfelt servility.
You say “nasty bitch” like that’s a bad thing! I’m PROUD of being a nasty bitch!
Hmmm… I’d have thought that would be apparent by now…
🙂
Dude! It’s SOOOO true what you’re saying!!!!
I started entering random information into my fabucongromattertransverser and I got the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42! I’m going to play the lottery right now!!!!
Have you tried the Lemon Crest Expression’s toothpaste yet? It’s way way good. Wicked pissah good. I used to be a cinnamon girl till I found the lemon. It doesn’t leave such a huge taste in your mouth, just pleasant lemony goodness.