Posted on May 29th, 2020
"It is impossible to build one’s own happiness on the unhappiness of others. This perspective is at the heart of Buddhist teachings." — Daisaku Ikeda
Like a lot of people, I'd imagine, I have been looking towards my faith to find comfort in and make sense of this world we find ourselves living in. To which people are all "Awww, me too!" Until they realize that the faith I'm talking about is not Christianity, which leads to an uncomfortable silence as my imagination has them adding me to their okay-to-hate-list.
Because that's pretty much how it goes, doesn't it? Your interpretation of a special book says that it's okay to hate certain people, so you ignore the larger message of love and forgiveness and focus on the hate because it's so much easier. And since your interpretation serves as justification for your hate, you've got some kind of divine permission which makes it all okay no matter how ugly it may be.
I'm sure I've been hated for a lot of things. I came to this conclusion early in life thanks to being smart in a world that prefers ignorant, unremarkable in a world that prefers beautiful, sickly in a world that prefers virility, and willful in a world which prefers submissiveness. Somebody feels I fall short of an idealized goal, so I get hated for it. And, yeah, it can hurt. I've bought into the brainwashing as well... because how could anybody not... and I've spent plenty of time hating myself too. No need to point out where I don't measure up because, honestly, I'm right there with you.
Attacking on my masculinity (or lack thereof) is the go-to way that people have been hating on me for decades. I've been called "faggot" more times than I can count. I'm not gay... but that doesn't matter because I'm not masculine. And since masculine guys (and masculine-worshipping guys and gals) think that being masculine is everybody's ultimate goal in life, it's easy to throw a little hate my way.
When I was younger, it bothered me. I may not have even fully understood what the word meant, but it must be something terrible if it was being directed at me, right? I'm a nerdy weak kid, so the strong perfect people pretty much had no choice but to bully me. It's my fault for choosing to be a nerdy weak kid, after all. I deserve it.
Then I grew up, stepped out of my bubble, went out into the world, and started meeting actual gay people, for whom the slur had been created. I quickly learned that these were some of the strongest people I had ever met. They had to be in order to survive a society which had been designed to persecute and hate them. — And yet I'm supposed to be upset that somebody wants to count me amongst their ranks? Holy shit, what an absolute honor. Of course I've met people in the LGBTQ community that are total assholes who are happy to bully me right along with the rest of society's toxic elements... but, by and large, the LGBTQ community has been far more kind and accepting of me than any other, which is why most of the people I love, respect, and admire make their home there.
So, yeah, people call me a "faggot" whether it's intended to be imasculating or because they think I'm gay. And the whole time I'm laughing because I see it as such a huge compliment... all while being angry and sad that such an ugly word has been created to hurt people I love.
All of this came crashing down on me this morning when I read the latest news concerning Brian Sims, a Representative from Pennsylvania. Yesterday he posted a live melt-down video because Republican House members tested positive for COVID-19... but only told other Republicans about it. People who had been in contact with those testing positive were still showing up to chambers... unmasked, and Democrats were never told a thing. They only found out because a reporter found out. Representative Sims disclosed that the reason he's so angry is that he's high-risk for infection because he donated a kidney, and it was a horrific scenario for his fellow representatives and staff who might have taken the coronavirus back to their families unknowingly.
Fast-forward to today when Representative Sims showed up to voice his renewed disgust at how horribly Republicans had acted throughout this entire ordeal... only to have Republican Representative Jerry Knowles yell out that Sims was "a little girl" as he was finishing up his speech.
There it is...
That's manly masculine man Jerry Knowles on the left and little girly girl Brian Sims on the right.
You wouldn't think "little girl" of Brian Sims because he's outraged that he was willingly exposed to people who were exposed to the coronavirus and it's risky for him to contract it because he answered the call to go under the knife and donate a kidney... would you?
I mean, holy crap, they have to practically rip you in half to get at the kidney and it's far from a cakewalk. There's significant risks during and after you donate, and if your remaining kidney fails for some reason, you are in some serious shit. You have to be made of pretty tough stuff just to consider donating a kidney.
You wouldn't think "little girl" of Brian Sims when you look at him because, let's face it, the guy is fire and just about any man on earth would be happy to look like this ruggedly handsome individual... would you?
I mean, holy crap, the guy even pals around with his big fucking manly dog...
So what could it be? What could it possibly be as to why Representative Jerry Knowles was screaming "LITTLE GIRL" across chambers while Representative Brian Sims was speaking? What?
Oh. I see.
He was called a "little girl" because he's gay, thus not at all masculine. Yes, I recognize it all too well.
Fortunately, just like I've come to understand that people calling me "faggot" is actually an incredible compliment, Brian Sims was basking in the honor of being called a "little girl" because he knows what it actually means. Not what some bigoted old fart thinks it means... what it actually means to be a little girl growing up in the world. Having to look a certain way or act a certain way or else being told she's not a girl. Having to work harder to achieve success only to be rewarded with less. Having to deal with non-stop harassment and intimidation yet still be expected to smile. Being made to feel unsafe because "boys will be boys" somehow excuses everything, no matter how horrific. And that's just a taste of the gauntlet that little girls have to navigate. The list goes on and on. This is supposed to be an insult? Representative Knowles should be so lucky to have somebody call him a "little girl." Little girls are tough. They have to be. And a pathetic coward like Knowles wouldn't know tough if it sat on his face. What a fucking embarrassment.
Representative Brian Sims has been an interesting political figure to watch over the years. Interestingly enough, I wrote about him here on my blog a decade ago before he ever ran for office. It all started with this inspiring video...
Since then, Sims has not been without controversy. Some of it was inevitable. He's an out and proud hardcore liberal gay man in public office. There are people who are vehemently opposed to any and all of this, and I'm sure the Representative has to wade through their vitriol daily...
His responses are sometimes shocking and controversial... sometimes surprising... sometimes funny. Sometimes, they're all three...
Other controversies are a bit more complex, but not at all surprising. He is, after all, a politician. And apparently you can't be a politician without being party to some shady shit. Politicians and shady shit go together like peas and carrots. He posted videos of himself confronting praying Planned Parenthood protestors that were cringe-inducing even to Planned Parenthood supporters, then issued a "non-apology apology" after the fact. He's been the subject of an ethics investigation after accepting speaking fees in violation of policies which forbid it. He regularly says and does things that are inappropriate for his office... like posting a photo of himself flashing a middle finger saying that it's his "welcome message" to Vice President Pence when he visited. I mean, come on, take the high ground so people don't have to make excuses for voting for you. If a Republican were to flip the bird as a "welcome message" to Vice President Biden, Democrats would lose their damn minds.
Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, mind you. Vice President Pence and everybody party to the Trump Administration can absolutely fuck right off. But you're a public servant and supposed to be held to a higher standard than that of a vile asshole such as myself. And hey, I'm trying to be better. Really I am. Building my happiness on the unhappiness of others is not what I'm supposed to be about. Daisaku Ikeda was not wrong when he says that it's an impossible thing to do. Every structure has to start with a strong foundation or what you build on top of it is likely to crumble.
That being said, I suppose you kind of have to cut some slack to Brian Sims and people like me for going off the rails from time to time. Just look at the horror story of the world we have to live in.
Well, okay, I deserve a little more slack than Brian Sims does. Because at the end of the day, he gets to look like Brian Sims and I... well... I most definitely do not...
I'm allowed to be a little bit bitter about that.