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Pat

Posted on Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

Dave!So televangelist and so-called "Man of God" Pat Robertson has gone and said something bat-shit insane.

Again.

Apparently he feels that the Haitian people made a pact with the devil in order to end French colonization. He doesn't mention anything about who the Haitians made a pact with to end the United States occupation in 1934, but I'm assuming it's somebody pretty high up on the Evil Scale. Perhaps Bert from Sesame Street, myself, or Dick Cheney...

Are you evil?

Never mind that none of us existed back in 1934, when you're talking about Pat Robertson, words like "logic" and "sanity" go right out the window. This is nothing new. I put Pat at the top of the Insanity Scale back in 2006...

Are you insane?

Because here's the thing... when it comes to crazy shit, Pat Robertson is top of the heap. It doesn't get more crazy than this. He's so nuts that Wikipedia has to keep a separate page devoted to all the insanity.

Don't get me wrong, the fruitcake has the right to say whatever fucked up shit he wants to say (this being America and all), but the problem I have is that people buy into the stuff he puts out there. People actually give their hard-earned money to Pat Robertson so he can keep his crazy on the air. I understand that there are individuals out there who are just looking for a way to keep faith in their lives, and think that Pat Robertson fills this need... but how much ridiculous bullshit does it take before you go shopping for a new religious leader? Anyone? Anyone?

It's not just that Pat Robertson is a stupid, hypocritical, uncaring, opportunistic, lying piece of shit, it's that he's just plain evil. It doesn't matter if he actually believes that God is such an asshole that He would slaughter innocent children and animals who get in the way of His divine vengeance... it's that Pat is so lacking in compassion that he would actually SAY that to a devastated people. Couldn't he just say "I'm so sorry to hear about the tragedy in Haiti. It's sometimes difficult to see God's plan for us when things like this happen, but we have to trust in His wisdom. I pray that the people of Haiti let the Lord into their hearts so that He can help get them through this. God bless you all."SEE?!? That's a COMPASSIONATE and TACTFUL way to tell people that you think God hates them and it's their fault that God had to smite their asses. But Pat Robertson doesn't have a compassionate or tactful bone in his body because he's just fucking evil. Tragedy strikes, and there's Pat to pass judgement (which is supposed to be God's territory, but maybe Pat Robertson has never read The Bible to know this). Just like Nancy Grace and Ann Coulter, "Reverend" Pat is a whore who just loves to turn other people's tragedies into a money-making opportunity. It's the very definition of evil...

Compasionless

If there is any justice, Pat Robertson's god will judge him using the same compassion and logic that Pat Robertson uses to judge everybody else.

Which basically means he's fucked.

And it couldn't happen to a nicer person.

   
More crazy Pat Robertson crap on Blogography...
August 23, 2005. I try to figure out why Pat Robertson is such a fucking moron.
January 6, 2006. I tell Pat Robertson to shut the fuck up.
June 25, 2007. I surmise that it's actually Pat Robertson who is a tool of the devil.

   
And now, on a more serious note...
I've written many times about my love, admiration, and respect for Doctors Without Borders and the incredible work they do. Often going where angels fear to tread, DWB is an international medical humanitarian organization working in more than 60 countries to assist people whose survival is threatened by violence, neglect, or catastrophe. They are in Haiti right now, doing everything they can to tend to the victims of the earthquake. If you can help them to help others, please visit their website and make a donation...

Support Doctors Without Borders in Haiti

   

Idyllic

Posted on Thursday, January 14th, 2010

Dave!I am so tired that I can barely function. I have a to-do list a mile long. I have a pile of work that's so deep I won't see daylight for quite a while. I have 67 unread emails in my inbox. I have 313 unread items in my feed reader. I have nightmarish thoughts that plague me morning and night. I have so many things going wrong right now that a continuous state of mild despair is how I define "normal."

And yet I look at the tragedy unfolding in Haiti and realize that I have a pretty amazing life... idyllic even... when compared to the suffering these people are having to endure.

Perspective. It can so easily illustrate what's really important in life.

I just wish that misfortune and tragedy weren't necessary for us to realize it.

   
I've written many times about my love, admiration, and respect for Doctors Without Borders and the incredible work they do. Often going where angels fear to tread, DWB is an international medical humanitarian organization working in more than 60 countries to assist people whose survival is threatened by violence, neglect, or catastrophe. They are in Haiti right now, doing everything they can to tend to the victims of the earthquake. If you can help them to help others, please visit their website and make a donation...

Support Doctors Without Borders in Haiti

   

Townies

Posted on Monday, January 18th, 2010

Dave!There are people who get Martin Luther King Jr. Day off work. I am not one of those people. But I did go in an hour late to do my part. I also stopped by the mini-mart so I could pick up a bag of cheese-popcorn and a bottle of Coke.

As I was heading up to the cash register to pay for my breakfast, some guy came in and announced "HAPPY BROWN BROTHER DAY!" To which somebody else said "Maybe one day we'll get a white guy day." After nearly tripping on my own feet in disbelief as I approached the counter, I was compelled to say "EVERY DAY IS WHITE GUY DAY! Especially in this redneck town."

I guess I should stop being surprised when I hear stuff like this, but it never fails.

Probably because I'm too hopeful.

Crayons

Though I wasn't jumped in the parking lot afterwards, and I didn't get the crap beat out of me for being a smart-ass, so I guess that's something.

   
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness... only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate... only love can do that."

— Martin Luther King Jr.
   

   

Canadia

Posted on Thursday, February 18th, 2010

Dave!After dealing with my work emails this morning, I had a bit of extra time and decided to take a quick look through my feedreader. One of the first new blog entries to pop up was from my buddy LeSombre, where he was explaining his bus route to work and how a small detour today turned his 50-minute commute into a whopping 1-hour and 35-minute ride. He wrapped up his entry by theorizing that he might have to try winter cycling as a more efficient way of getting to work.

"How nice!" I thought. "LeSombre is trying to be all environmentally conscious and stuff, when most people would just drive their car to work. Good for him!"

But then I watched a speech that Sarah Palin gave at a tea-bagging rally, and suddenly realized that I've been looking at this whole thing entirely wrong...

SarahExplainsItAll.jpg
"But my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose!"

   
After listening to Sarah Palin kick ass and put things into perspective as to what "America" REALLY means, I now realize that when people talk about the "pussification of America" they are actually talking about the "pussification of NORTH America... BY CANADIANS!"

Because, seriously, 50 minutes in a frickin' BUS?!? REALLY?!?

It's LeSombre's kind of thinking that explains why Canada is still a third-world country. Well, of course ALL countries are "third world" when compared to us, which begs the questions "what's a second-world country?" I dunno... perhaps The United Kingdom when Maggie Thatcher was running things... but I digress. The point is that I am totally embarrassed to be sharing a continent with the American wannabes that call themselves "Canadians." How they managed to win hosting duties for the Winter Olympics when they don't even have a Disney theme park is a mystery to me.

I mean, come on, they're half-French for crying out loud!

Just look at this "bus route" that LeSombre takes to work every day. It practically screams "pussy!" Where's the spirit of adventure? Where's the sex and violence? Where's the ideals that are true to the AMERICAN WAY?!? What good is their "free socialist health care" if THIS is how you have to get to work each day? Hey, if this is what it means to live in a communist country like Canada, then I want no part of it...

LesombrePussyRoute.gif

   
Now let's take a look at how a REAL AMERICAN would get to work (click map to enlarge)...

NewLeSombreRoute.gif

NOW THERE'S HOW YOU FUCKING COMMUTE TO WORK IN AMERICA, DAMMIT! Please note that's there's no bitching and whining about a frickin' BUS anywhere in that route.

Also note how once you acquire a Canadian Forces* tank, that you no longer have to pay attention to roads, and can go directly to your destination. How cool is that?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go scrounge up $1000 so I can buy a ticket to go to Sarah Palin's next tea-bagger rally. A rally for TRUE Americans** to fight for taking back The United States of America from the godless socialist regime that is destroying the greatest country on earth!! Because THAT, my friends, is what DEMOCRACY is all about!***

And to have testicles put in our mouths, if I'm understanding this whole tea-bagging thing correctly.

   

   

* Canadian Forces is kind of like the US Millitary... but without the ability to actually defend their country or invade anyplace (they rely on TRUE Americans to do that for them, but don't pay any taxes to us... the bastards!).

** Well, TRUE Americans that can afford to spend $1000 a plate, that is. But that would be ALL Americans, because POOR Americans are not REALLY Americans at all... otherwise they'd be wealthy! This IS the land of prosperity, after all. It says so in The Constitution!

*** Unless, of course, your democratically elected president is a Democrat, then it's not democracy at all... because everybody knows that elections are only democratic when Republicans win!

   

Shamu

Posted on Monday, March 1st, 2010

Dave!I have mixed feelings about animals being held in captivity for entertainment value.

For the most part, I'm against it. I see animals chained up at the circus or animals trapped behind glass at the zoo, and can't imagine that this is an acceptable way to treat them. These animals aren't living, they're existing, and that's a pretty big difference. Even when the people keeping the animals insist that they're receiving the best of care and are safer than they would be in the wild... or if they're of the mind that the animals don't know any better and only understand about getting fed... well, it's still a far cry from living in the wild.

But... "the wild" isn't what it used to be.

Jungles are being deforested. Glaciers are melting. Rivers, lakes, and oceans are polluted. Natural habitats are being dozed over to make room for condominiums. Pretty soon, there won't be much "wild" for animals to live in.

So... what to do?

The only way to insure the survival of a growing number of species is to raise them in captivity. And not all zoos are created equal. A growing number of zoos are going above and beyond to recreate the natural habitats of the animals living in captivity. The San Diego Zoo has been working on this for years, and others are following suite.

Then there's Disney's Animal Kingdom, where they've really put in the effort in recreating an animal's environment. And today they announced the birth of a critically endangered gorilla who might not have even had a chance in the hostile world we live in...

Disney Gorilla
Now THAT'S an adorable baby!

But then there's the other side of the coin. Dangerous animals kept in captivity where it's easy to believe that we're the one's in control. We're the ones making the decisions. We're the ones making the rules.

And it makes for good family entertainment...

Shamu Jumping

Until we receive a very real reminder that the animals are, in fact, still animals.

The tragedy at Sea World comes as a shock... but really shouldn't. The shocking things is that things like this don't happen more often.

And again, it's hard for me to sort out my feelings here. On one hand, animals as entertainment is not something I'm ever going to be comfortable with. On the other hand, the money Sea World gets from the entertainment goes towards their substantial efforts in education, conservation, rescue, and preservation.

So... what to do?

I guess there's nothing we really can do except BELIEVE it will all work out somehow...

Dave and Hilly BELIEVE!

I wonder what this all means for those of us who have been indoctrinated into the Cult of Shamu?

   

News

Posted on Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Dave!I could write for pages about the sad decline of journalism world-wide, but there seems to be little point in it. From television anchors injecting their personal feelings into the story... to newspaper writers drawing conclusions for the reader... to networks claiming impartiality while ramming their agenda down your throat... to internet "news" sites not bothering to check their "facts"... it's all such a horrendous mess that finding out what's really going on in the world today is all but impossible unless you are there to witness events in person.

I suppose it was inevitable, because people just don't seem to care about the truth anymore.

But even worse than all the things that we get wrong when it comes to journalism, at least the issues that the media decides to cover are getting exposure. What about important issues that get buried?

Take, for instance, an issue that I am hugely passionate about, ACTA...

Bad Monkey says FUCK ACTA

Since the most common meaning of ACTA is "Association of Canadian Travel Agents," I suppose I should state for the record that I have nothing against Canadian travel agents, but am instead referring to the world-wide "Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement."

Something else I should probably get out of the way...

I am in no way supporting counterfeiting here. Theft is theft, and I believe strongly that people should be compensated for their work, and have the right to prosecute those who would steal it.

And yet, because of journalism FAIL!, most people have never even heard of ACTA.

If you're not entirely bored by now and want to read the rest of my rant, I've put it in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

Cock!

Posted on Thursday, March 4th, 2010

Dave!From now on, I'm just going to assume that every politician, religious leader, FOX Newscaster, or man on the street who actively fights against equal rights for gays is a closeted homosexual. As history has shown us over and over again, it's a theory that has a solid basis in fact. Ultimately this will save me a lot of time wondering what makes these people such raging douchebags, because the answer ultimately ends up being that they doth protest too much. Sure they rail against those "filthy homos" so they can preserve the sanctity of marriage and protect families, but at the end of the day all they really want is a big ol' Cock Sandwich.*

Roy Ashburn
Senator Roy Ashburn Wants Cock!

Ted Haggard
Reverend Ted Haggard Wants Cock!

Though it's difficult to celebrate too hard when these douchebag hypocrites get caught doing exactly what they publicly oppose, because it's really more sad than funny.

We live in such a messed up unforgiving society that these poor guys are conditioned to hate themselves because of who they are. So they spend their lives lashing out against the people that are everything they despise... which turns out to be people just like them. They somehow think that if they pass enough laws against homosexuals, preach the gospel against homosexuals, or broadcasting hate again against homosexuals, that it will somehow turn them straight. Or perhaps they think it compensates for the "perversion" that they've been convinced is within them. I really don't know what makes them do what they do, but I know it makes me sad to think of how painful their lives must have been all this time.

But then I think about my many gay friends who have suffered because of assholes like Reverend Ted Haggard, and the sadness disappears to become anger. Or I think of people I've known who have been killed by drunk drivers like Senator Roy Ashburn, and the compassion fades to outrage. The hateful crap these fuckers do makes life miserable and dangerous for people I care about, so suddenly making fun of their hypocritical bullshit seems like a rational response. I live to see these pathetic dumbasses get caught with their pants down (so to speak).

And now I guess I just sit back and wait for Rush Limbaugh's inevitable gay scandal.

It would explain so much.

   

*Cock Sandwich has a nice symmetry to it, being the perfect entrée for my earlier creation, Penis Salad...

DAVETOON: Would you like some fries with your Penis Salad and Cock Sandwich?

All that's missing is some Dick Pudding, and it's a meal fit for Senator Larry Craig!

   

Biblical?

Posted on Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

Dave!"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."
— 1 John 3:18, King James Bible

I do not often speak of my religious and philosophical beliefs because they are deeply personal to me, and not open for debate on this blog (as most everything I write here ends up being). Suffice to say that I try to lead my life according to Buddhist precepts of doing no harm but don't actually consider myself a Buddhist because I do not follow these precepts as completely as a "true" Buddhist would. That being said, I have studied several different religions in an effort to understand my fellow humans better. Needless to say this includes the many flavors of Christianity.

In my pursuit of comprehending Christians, I have studied The Bible (both Old and New Testament) from several different approaches... including the placement of the Holy Texts in their historical context. From this respect, I am probably better-informed as to their faith than most self-professed Christians are. Especially those who would take some random piece of Scripture... put it in a 20th century context based on modern-day vernacular, customs, and thinking... and then use said Scripture to attack or persecute people. That always drives me nuts because of the sublime ignorance it takes to use the Word of their God as a weapon when, more often than not, the people doing so have no clue as to what that passage actually means. Instead they are using their personal interpretation of a translation of an accounting of texts taken out of context to promote a personal agenda, often in ways that would have originally been impossible... either due to the mores of the time period, or the constructs of the original Hebrew, Aramaic, or Koine Greek language in which The Bible was written.

I can best explain this by using an example: "Awful" originally meant "full of awe" and was used to describe something spectacular instead of something horrible. And that's a relatively RECENT AND UNTRANSLATED example, which was still showing up in English texts under the original meaning just two hundred years ago. Can you imagine how the meaning of words could have changed with translation to another language over the span of two thousand years or more?

In defense of Christians, however, I believe that many of them understand that The Bible is not something that can be taken literally all the time. The ideals within The Bible are immutable to their faith, but certain allowances have to be made for the era in which the Holy Texts were written, and the creative allegory which the authors used to illustrate concepts of Christianity to the people living during those times. Certainly directives such as "Thou Shalt Not Kill" are as true in meaning now as they were back then... but you simply cannot say the same for everything that's in The Bible, or else modern-day Christians would have some very messed-up ways of practicing their faith.

Not to say that there aren't some Christians out there who are doing their best to prove me wrong.

And though the remainder of this entry will be in response to actions of the Westboro Baptist Church, I want to be very clear that I do not consider them unique in their ability to use The Word of their God to do things I consider to be reprehensible. Obviously, the world is replete with examples of peoples of all faiths doing exactly that. It just so happens that this time it's the Westboro Baptist Church who are the ones that caught my attention.

But before I start my little tirade, I should also mention that I fully support members of the Westboro Baptist Church exercising their right to free speech in a manner that complies with the freedoms allowed by that right. I may not agree with the things they say, but I'm sure there are people out there who would say the same thing about me, so more power to them. From their perspective, they are actually trying to help people by raising awareness of their particular interpretation of The Bible, and since they are not using guns or explosives to do it, well... this is The United States of America. If you can't take people expressing themselves and their beliefs, then you really need to find a different country.

Except...

There has to be limits.

There has to be limits because a healthy democratic society not only allows for personal freedoms, but also allows for protection from harm and cruelty that might arise from such freedoms. As an example, your personal freedom of speech does not allow you to scream "HEY! THERE'S A FIRE!" in the middle of a crowded building. Doing so could result in people getting hurt, not to mention being a really mean thing to do. Likewise, you can't sacrifice a virgin to Zuul in the middle of Central Park and cry "freedom of religion" because you've just grossly violated the rights and freedoms of the virgin you just killed... even if they were a willing participant (especially if they were a willing participant). Some would say that freedom with limits is not really freedom at all, but "freedom" is a pretty open-ended word and could easily be perverted to allow persecution of people whose own freedom would be violated in the process of enacting it. Thus, limits.

So, while I support the Westboro Baptist Church for their hate-speech fueled picketing of whatever their latest target might be (as well as those awesome people who picket in response) I also support the idea that their actions should be limited.

Because it's one thing to say "homosexuality is wrong" in the most disgusting way possible... but it's another thing entirely to cause serious emotional cruelty with intent to harm, such as when they picket a funeral. And though I consider the death of a soldier no more tragic than the death of any person, I have to say that picketing the funeral of a fallen soldier who died in service of this country is particularly heinous considering it was soldiers who died for their right to have free speech in the first place...

WBC_Protests.jpg

The Bible is relatively quiet about funerals and how Christians should treat the dead. Probably because the core concept of Christianity is the idea of eternal life. To Christians death is just a beginning, so whatever ceremony people want to have for those departed (not to mention the method they use for disposing of the remains) is up to them and whatever traditions they hold.

And so even though the Westboro Baptist Church can toss out whatever context-deprived and misrepresented snippets of The Bible they wish to support their actions, their ruthless persecution of people who are grieving over the death of friends or family is a truly indefensible position to take. Because while The Bible is not so explicit with how one should treat the dead, it is overflowing with passages as to how you should treat the living. Thus, to say that the Westboro Baptist Church violates the very ideals of The Bible they profess to live by, truly is an understatement of biblical proportions.

Which is why I am understandably outraged when I read that Al Snyder, the father of a Marine whose funeral was picketed by the Westboro Baptist Church, has been ordered to pay them $16,000 as compensation for their court costs. The father had (rightfully) won an earlier judgement on the grounds that privacy and religious rights were violated by the church's protest but, since the church won on appeal to the Fourth Circuit, a grieving father gets screwed... again... this time financially.

And now I sit here dumbfounded, trying to figure out exactly how our Founding Fathers could have possibly anticipated such a grotesque application of The Bill of Rights as they were writing them.

Probably because there is no way they could have anticipated something as wholly fucked up as this when The First Amendment was drafted.

I find it sickening on every possible level that we have a legal system which not only actively supports people's "right" to inflict such reprehensible cruelty, but also dictates that victims of such cruelty are responsible for paying for their own deplorable treatment at the hands of the law. THIS is justice? How? There is no justice for the father who was ruthlessly abused in a time of sorrow. There sure as hell is no justice for a dead Marine who is unable to speak out against the abuse of friends and loved-ones at HIS funeral. By the courts saying that there are no limits to the freedoms of the Westboro Baptist Church to persecute people, how can the rest of us be free?

Exploiting the tragedy of somebody's death for glorification of their church and self-promotion of their hate makes members of the Westboro Baptist Church about the least "Christian" people on earth. It also makes them fucking assholes. I honestly believe that a time is coming when citizens of the United States of America are going to put aside their petty political bitching and focus on the big-picture items upon which all of us should be able to agree. Very high on that list is not allowing fucking assholes to picket a funeral and deprive a grieving father HIS freedom to mourn in peace.

Mutual respect for your fellow humans is the only way this whole "freedom" thing is ever going to work out. Those who have no respect, don't deserve the freedom.

   

If you want to show your support for Al Snyder, you can join the Facebook group he made to support his son and legal battles.

You can also help by donating money to Mr. Snyder to pay the court-mandated fees associated with Westboro Baptist Church's appeal. Any monies collected in excess of the costs will be donated to scholarship funds for returning veterans.

   

Catholic

Posted on Thursday, April 15th, 2010

Dave!Today was a much better day than yesterday, mostly because I didn't wake up screaming. And you know what they say... "any day you don't wake up screaming in agony is a good one!" Though, to be honest, I'd rather not be screaming in agony any time of day, so there's that. But anyway...

As anybody who has read this blog for a while already knows, I have a on-again-off-again fascination with the Catholic Church. I was raised Catholic, baptized, attended Sunday School, accepted First Communion, and formed a bond with the faith that would far outlast the day I eventually left the church.

This fascination manifests itself in my blog from time to time. Like when I toyed with the idea of becoming a priest...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave dressed as a priest.

And, of course, the many times I've mentioned wanting to become Pope...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave dressed as the Pope.

Not to mention the time my entire year was made when I got a glimpse of Pope John Paul II while visiting Rome...

It's The Pope!

Oh how I loved Pope John Paul II. He was the biggest reason that I continued being devoted to the Catholic Church even though I no longer shared beliefs with the Catholic faith. An anomaly I attempted to explain like this...

Partly because I still had friends and family who were members, but mostly because of the tremendous respect, admiration, and affection I had towards Pope John Paul II. He was a truly great man, and did remarkable things to make the Catholic Church less insular and more a part of the world community. He was a tireless advocate of human rights. He reached out to other religions in an effort to create a new era of acceptance and understanding between faiths. He was the embodiment of Christian ideals. He was a brilliant writer. He spoke a dozen languages. He made public apologies for historical wrongs of his church. He was a true leader... inspirational not only to his followers, but to everyone.

But it's not always been good times. The above quote comes from an entry where I express my complete disgust with Pope Benedict XVI as he systematically destroyed all the wonderful things that Pope John Paul II had worked so hard to accomplish. It's truly astounding how quickly the current Pope managed to completely reverse my warm feelings for Catholicism in general and the Catholic Church specifically. I can't even bring myself to think of him as Pope anymore... he's just a creepy, out-of-touch, old asshole in a dress who says and does crazy shit from time to time. Even worse, he doesn't seem to have any control over what's going on or seem to care.

Which is why we have total fucking dumbasses who are "Vatican Officials" making statements defending pedophile priests by saying that it's the homosexuals who are the true pedophiles. And don't get me started on the idiocy of the Pope's own personal preacher comparing attacks on the Catholic Church during pedophile investigations to The Holocaust (even if it had come from an unnamed "Jewish friend"). It's all such disgusting and vile behavior that one has to wonder if my jokes about "initiating a hostile takeover of the papacy" shouldn't become a reality. Because, in all seriousness, it's not like anybody could possibly do a worse job that what's in there now.

I was very lucky that the two priests during my "tenure" with The Church were kind, honorable, decent men of conviction and service to their beliefs. They were inspirational leaders who were a part of the community, and a testament to the Christian faith. Which is why it's painful to read and hear all the horrendous things being written and said about the Catholic Church... even though they are things that must be addressed... one way or the other.

Meaning that if this Pope isn't going to step up and declare that pedophilia by any Catholic priest is to be denounced and punished to the full extent of the law... somebody has to step in and do it. Otherwise, there's just no way that the Catholic Church can be allowed to continue to operate above the law as they have been. If a self-policing entity doesn't address injustices against their people, they don't deserve to have such power. More to the point, they should't have it now.

One can only hope that the Catholic Church will eventually regain leadership which earns my regard instead of my contempt. Until that day, I am trying hard not to lose sight of Pope John Paul II's legacy which, while far from perfect, was something I could at least respect.

   

Earth!

Posted on Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

Dave!It's Earth Day tomorrow! You should love the Earth for the day. As for me, I Love the Earth every day!

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey Loves the Earth!

   

It's just most of the people on the Earth I don't love so much.

Except you.

I totally love you.

   

Insidious

Posted on Thursday, May 13th, 2010

Dave!Shortly after Catherine sent me a link to "The Best Thing I've Read All Year"... a smart, heartfelt, touching, and altogether righteous letter written by a mother whose son tried to commit suicide because of the not-stop persecution he faced for being gay, I read the Pope's recent remarks from Portugal.

I've pretty much said my peace on Pope Benedict XVI in a previous entry. Long story short? He's systematically destroying the Catholic Church from within, and has been unapologetically crapping over the legacy of Pope John-Paul II from the moment he ascended to the papacy.

But His Holiness has decided that he's not satisfied with being a hateful old hag in a dress and a big hat... he seems fully intent on bringing douchebaggery to the papacy at any cost... this time by saying that abortion and same-sex marriage are the "most insidious and dangerous challenges that today confront the common good."

Now, I guess I can see abortion fitting that mold within the dogma of the Catholic Church. I may not agree with it, but I understand it. But same-sex marriage... insidious?!?

insidious • in-ˈsi-dē-əs • subtle, surreptitious, cunning, crafty, treacherous, artful, sly, wily, shifty, underhanded, indirect; informal sneaky.

Pope Benedict isn't just a douchebag... he's a fucking dumbass.

Rapists, murderers, child molesters, liars, cheats, and other vile persons infesting this planet get a pass so the Pope can pronounce judgement and fully condemn two people in love wanting to get married as the "most insidious and dangerous challenges that today confront the common good."

Riiiiiight.

You want to know what's insidious? A religious leader fostering fear and hatred against innocent people, thus creating an environment so horribly hostile that people would rather die than live in it.

Well fuck this shit.

The Pope doesn't get to dictate that we live in an antiquated world of intolerance and animosity. We're better than that.

   

Spill

Posted on Thursday, May 27th, 2010

Dave!Apparently BP has used something called a "top kill" to get the oil spill under control. I hope it's true but, unfortunately, it's just too late. The damage is done. It's more than done.

If you were one of the many creatures who live in the Gulf, it's as if BP covered your home and everything in it in oil...

DAVETOON: Bad Monkey covers Lil' Dave in Oil

A part of me is sympathetic to BP for the beating they're taking. They are, after all, just a company trying to make money in a dangerous game where an accident can have dire consequences. And accidents do happen.

But, on the other hand...

Sympathy has to be reserved for those who can look back and honestly say "I did everything I possibly could to have avoided this disaster." And, in this case at least, I don't think BP did that. Since oil-rig blow-outs are so rare, it all comes down to how much money you spend on safety to fight a problem which will probably never happen. Do you spend $500,000 on an acoustic kill switch which may help in the event of a catastrophe? Or do you do what BP did and decide that the cost was too much for the potential benefits?

Well, when your actions can FUCK UP THE PLANET, I'm sorry, but you have no choice but to SPEND THE FUCKING MONEY!

As we are seeing right now, the alternative is just too horrible.

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Remembrance

Posted on Monday, May 31st, 2010

Dave!Memorial Day is a special day here in the USA which is set aside to remember those who died in military service.

Unfortunately it's also become a day of politically exploiting those who died in military service. I found this out the hard way when I opened my email this morning only to find this absurd rant about "Obama being the first American president not to lay a wreath at Arlington National Cemetery." Because the email had been forwarded, there were several witty comments attached... everything from "Obama prefers to spit on the graves of dead soldiers" and "This just proves Hussein Obama is a commie dictator with no respect for American values."

Whenever I get an email like this, the first thing I do is go to Google News and see what Obama is actually up to.

Turns out he's in Chicago, and attended a Memorial Day event at Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery where he laid a wreath of remembrance there (after sending VP Biden to lay the traditional wreath at Arlington). He tried to give a speech, but a lightning storm made it unsafe to do so. This was sad, but he had already posted a Memorial Day video, so no harm no foul, I guess.

After confirming that President Obama was NOT, in fact, spitting on the graves of fallen American soldiers, I clicked over to Snopes to see if they had an article about him being the only American President to not lay a wreath at Arlington. Not surprisingly, Snopes did have an article.

Turns out that President H.W. Bush, President G.W. Bush, and even President Ronald Reagan... the fucking Conservative Presidential Holy Trifecta... ALL did not lay wreaths at Arlington on Memorial Day at some time or another. Hell, President H.W. Bush didn't lay a SINGLE WREATH AT ARLINGTON DURING THE ENTIRE FOUR YEARS HE WAS IN OFFICE!

Heaven only knows I am not President Obama's biggest fan, but this stupid shit drives me insane.

How is spreading lies and cheapening the memories of American soldiers who paid for our freedoms with their lives a proper show of respect on Memorial Day?

Memorial Day

I guess all I can say to those who died in service so we can carry on with our reprehensible behavior is "thanks anyway."

   

Baseballed

Posted on Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

Dave!So far as baseball fans go... I'm pretty fickle. Sometime during my teenage years I was given an Orioles baseball jersey and started following the team just so I would know what to say when people wanted to talk about them. When I was in college I caught Red Sox Fever (no idea how or why) and became a fan for decades. Once Boston won The Series in 2004, I became disenchanted and switched to my "home" team, the Seattle Mariners. I watch an occasional game, but find it tough to get excited about baseball anymore.

And yet... it's easy to get excited when something remarkable happens.

Like a perfect game.

A perfect game is a formidable accomplishment that has only happened twenty times in the entire history of major league baseball (and a dozen times in my lifetime). Not only can you not allow the opposing team to get any hits... but there can't be any walks or hit-batters either. That's tough.

Last night the Detroit Tigers were playing the Cleveland Indians and Detroit's Armando Galarraga was pitching the game of his career. The PERFECT game of his career. And then it happened. A bad call declared a runner safe when he was very obviously out. Instant replay confirmed it. Even the umpire who blew the call fully admitted that he made a mistake. Galarraga got robbed of his history-making perfect game.

As a casual fan, I really don't have cause to complain... but...

This is so fucking stupid.

Everybody is saying "Well, bad calls are part of the game... that's what makes it baseball." And while this may be true, I also think it's bullshit. How can fans be expected to respect the game when there is no recourse for obviously blown calls? That may be a part of baseball's past, but does it have to be a part of it's future?

Commissioner of Major League Baseball Bud Selig should be fired. He had a golden opportunity here to show the world that baseball can evolve out of this kind of embarrassing crap and have some integrity, but refuses to reverse the call. He could have used this as the perfect excuse to expand instant replay for judgement calls, but instead makes some vague promise to look into the situation.

Way to take the initiative, dumbass.

The pussification of America continues.

And this time we can't blame Canada.

   

STANLEY!!!

Posted on Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Dave!CONGRATULATIONS BLACKHAWKS ON YOUR STANLEY CUP WIN!!

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave in a Blackhawks Jersey

   

I wish I was in Chicago right now. :-(

   

Day Two: Bitchsterdam

Posted on Saturday, June 12th, 2010

Dave!And so the event I traveled 5000 miles (8000 kilometers) to attend, finally arrived... BITCHSTERDAM 2! As expected, it was well-worth the trip, and everybody had an awesome time. Just another reminder why I love blogger meet-ups so much!

As it was a beautiful day in the Netherlands, we decided to head into Amsterdam early and play tourist (even though The DutchBitch is a native and Lady Penelope and I have been here many times). It's such a beautiful city with so many things to do, that it would be a crime not to spend some time exploring. Eventually decided on a canal boat tour...

Amsterdam Canal Boat Tour

Amsterdam Canal Boat Tour

Amsterdam Canal Boat Tour

Amsterdam Canal Boat Tour

Since the Lady Penelope had never been to the Red Light District, we wandered through the neighborhood for a while. I've only ever seen it at night, and it was an entirely different experience in the daytime...

Red Light Sex Shop

Red Light Moulin Rouge

Red Light Sex Show

Red Light Casa Rosso

Along the canal in the Red Light District is actually quite beautiful in the daylight, as all the seedier elements are not so noticeable...

Red Light District in Daylight

Throughout the Netherlands everybody has World Cup fever. It's a bit difficult to explain to Americans, except to equate it to the Super Bowl (if the Super Bowl took place once every four years and the entire world was competing for a spot to play in it)...

Holland World Cup Fever

England was expected to wipe the floor with the USA in today's match, and the English were having a big laugh at the anticipated beating they were most certainly going to dish out to us. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned, and the Americans managed to hold England to a tie game of 1-1. Many tears of agony were shed in Blighty, I'm sure. A really good recap to explain it all is over at the BBC.

After goofing about Amsterdam for a few hours, we headed to the Hard Rock Cafe early so we could have a few drinks while waiting for Bitchsterdam to ensue. The scenery at Max Euweplein was... interesting... to say the least...

Borat Wedding

I'll leave the Bitchsterdam recap and photos to DutchBitch but, suffice to say, we all had a lot of fun. Many Euros were spent to make sure of it...

Bitchsterdam Euro Celebration

A big shout-out to Blogography reader Erik who was kind enough to come over and say "hello." He was sitting at the next table with his friends, and somehow managed to recognize me in my drunken state!

After Bitchsterdam had ended, we were walking back to the car park when we saw a drunken barefoot man kicking his shoe across the street. A motorcycle police officer was keeping a careful eye out, and went to question the man, who replied "What the fuck do you want?!?" Much to his credit, the police officer let the man go on his way... even when he shoved his shoe down the storm drain...

Drunken Shoe Battle

Police Shoe Battle in Amsterdam!

But then the drunk man decided to do some property damage by trying to tear out a street sign. This was something the the police officer could not ignore, and the result was obvious to everybody except the drunk guy...

Police Take-Down in Amsterdam!

Backup forces arrived in the form of two beautiful lady cops in a squad car, who were apparently signing autographs while the drunk guy got hauled off in a van...

Police Takedown!

Bravo to the Amsterdam Police, who were incredibly calm, cool, collected, and reserved in trying to keep everybody safe! And bravo to drunk guy for giving us some post-Bitchsterdam entertainment!

And bravo to DutchBitch for an awesome day!

   

Hunger

Posted on Friday, June 18th, 2010

Dave!Irony. It can be so ironic sometimes.

Yesterday I waxed poetic about suffering withdrawals from my beloved Patatjes Met (Dutch Fries with Mayo) and my never-ending quest to find something to satisfy the cravings now that I can't have them anymore.

Then today I was forwarded a positively reprehensible rant on how hungry children should just just eat from a dumpster, and had to seriously restrain my rage to keep from typing "FUCK YOU, RUSH LIMBAUGH, YOU VILE PIECE OF SHIT!" in huge letters on a blog post and clicking "publish." Which would have been bad because I accept he represents a point of view for a large segment of the American population, and has a right to spew his crazy-ass shit just as much as the next guy...

Except... not this time.

I am extremely fortunate that I've never had to go hungry. It's something I try to be thankful for every day. But I have worked with an organization that helps people who do go hungry, and it's from this perspective that I can say Rush Limbaugh doesn't know what the fuck he is talking about. He is so far beyond stupid... beyond ignorant... beyond crazy... that my mind just boggles that anybody could be this depraved when it comes to children.

Let's break it down, shall we?

RUSH LIMBAUGH:
A companion story from AOL News: "Record Number of US Kids Facing Summer of Hunger. With the sc-rewl (school?) year ending in communities across America, more than 16 million children face a summer of hunger." Now, Michelle Obama told us they're all so fat and out of shape and overweight that a summer off from government eating might be just the ticket.

Kids are fat and overweight because A) Society has transitioned to a sedentary lifestyle of video games and other "activities" which lack physical exercise, and B) Healthy foods are hideously expensive, but government subsidies make shitty unhealthy food cheap, so this is what people buy. But this is neither here nor there, because there are kids in poverty who don't even get the shitty unhealthy food to eat.

But, even if this weren't the case, this is still a horrible thing to say. Kids... WHETHER THEY ARE FAT OR NOT... should not have to go hungry in the wealthiest nation on earth. Put on a healthier diet? Sure! Taught to exercise? Absolutely! That's what Michelle Obama was talking about. But starve? Are you fucking kidding me? Jeez what an asshole.

RUSH LIMBAUGH:
This, of course, takes into no account that the parents, I guess, just can sit around and let their kids starve. Why if the kids don't do it, they're gonna starve -- if the schools don't do it, the kids are going to starve.
   
RUSH LIMBAUGH:
God, this is just -- we can't escape these people. We just can't escape them. They live in the utter deniability of basic human nature. They actually have it in their heads somehow that parents are so rotten that they will let their kids go hungry and starve, unless the schools take care of it.

And here is where Rush Limbaugh proves he's a fucking moron. THERE ARE INDEED PARENTS WHO SIT AROUND AND LET THEIR KIDS STARVE! Perhaps they are drug addicts or alcoholics in no condition to realize or care their kids are hungry... or maybe they're never around to notice... or maybe they are just so poor that they can only afford one meal a day, and that school lunch is what keeps their children from going hungry. Regardless, whether by design or choice, parents are letting their kids starve every day. I've seen it. And even if Rush can't get off his bloated, self-righteous ass and see for himself, he can certainly do some research at child shelters, talk to child welfare workers at our schools, or ring up some children's charities to get his fucking facts straight. But experience has taught him that he doesn't have to. His listeners will believe his fucked-up bullshit whether it's true or not, so why bother with actual facts? Fiction is more inflammatory anyway.

RUSH LIMBAUGH:
I think, you know what we're going to do here, we're going to start a feature on this program: "Where to find food." For young demographics, where to find food. Now that school is out, where to find food. We can have a daily feature on this. And this will take us all the way through the summer. Where to find food. And, of course, the first will be: "Try your house." It's a thing called the refrigerator. You probably already know about it. Try looking there. There are also things in what's called the kitchen of your house called cupboards. And in those cupboards, most likely you're going to find Ding-Dongs, Twinkies, Lays ridgy potato chips, all kinds of dips and maybe a can of corn that you don't want, but it will be there.

Except when it isn't there. Because your parent or guardian is out getting stoned or drunk (or whatever) and hasn't bothered to buy food in a month and you've already eaten everything... everything... you manage to find in the house (assuming you still have a house because nobody's around to pay the rent). And since school is out and there's no lunch for you, the one meal you get is now gone. And since you're just a kid, what options do you have but to beg a neighbor (or even strangers) for something to eat? Or try to steal food. Or just go hungry because you don't know what else to do. You're a kid, after all. But even in houses where the parents are around, poverty can result in food being scarce at times... even with food stamps and government assistance. The reality is that hunger is all around us. Maybe the windows in Mr. Limbaugh's limousine are tinted so dark that he can't see families living in hunger on the street, but they exist... whether he chooses to acknowledge it or not.

RUSH LIMBAUGH:
If that doesn't work, try a Happy Meal at McDonald's. You know where McDonald's is. There's the Dollar Menu at McDonald's and if they don't have Chicken McNuggets, dial 911 and ask for Obama.

And if you don't have a dollar... how the fuck can you buy something off the dollar menu? Again, THESE ARE KIDS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT! And the parting shot at Obama? Hey, at least he's trying to do something to help hungry kids... what the fuck are you doing, you worthless piece of shit excuse for a human being? Where's your solution?

RUSH LIMBAUGH:
There's another place if none of these options work to find food; there's always the neighborhood dumpster. Now, you might find competition with homeless people there, but there are videos that have been produced to show you how to healthfully dine and how to dumpster dive and survive until school kicks back up in August. Can you imagine the benefit we would provide people?

So... hungry kids should just eat out of dumpsters. Got it.

You know, I try very hard not to allow hatred into my life, and my entire belief system is based on doing no harm or wishing no harm upon others. But Rush Limbaugh can just fuck off and die. And I mean literally die. Have another heart attack and just DIE. Slowly. With as much pain as possible. Somebody so hateful that they have no pity for a hungry child has no place on this earth, and I just don't care how that sounds.

Because people like Rush Limbaugh simply cannot win.

They just can't.

If the most innocent of us... the children... have no consideration by the adults who dictate how they are forced to live their lives, then we all lose. Because kids are victims of circumstance. They don't have any choice whether or not their parents are poor... or drug addicts... or don't care for them. And if the best the United States of America has to offer these kids is eating out of a dumpster when they have no food, then we don't deserve the many riches we are blessed with. We don't deserve anything at all... except the cold future that uncaring, heartless, reprehensible assholes like Rush Limbaugh are building for us.

Heaven help us all.

   

Shakespeared

Posted on Monday, July 19th, 2010

Dave!Technically, I shouldn't be here.

My genetic predisposition for poor eyesight should have rendered me helpless in the face of nature and eliminated me from the gene pool a long time ago. But the advent of civilized society (and contact lenses) made it possible for the physically challenged such as myself to not only survive in life... but excel.

The problem is that the same society which allows the ocularly-challenged to thrive, also allows the mentally-challenged to run for President of the United States of America... eventually...

Sarah Palin

Now, before I get lynched for playing sexist, partisan politics here, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that I have actually defended Sarah Palin in the past. For the most part, I think she is treated unfairly by the press and those outside her fan-base. She is crucified for even the most innocent mistakes, which I think is pretty pathetic. Mostly because it distracts from bigger issues with respect to her deplorable politics, but that's just me. Yes, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but she's made the most of what smarts and charisma she has, and gone farther than most people could ever dream of. That demands some measure of respect, regardless of how you feel about Sarah Palin, her history, her beliefs, or her political positions (assuming you can understand what they are this week).

Today was a typical example of exactly the type of ruthless douchbaggery that people unleash when Sarah Palin makes a minor mistake on Twitter...

Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn't it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate

Now, first of all, you have to remember that Twitter only gives her 140 characters to make her point. It's a restriction even the smartest person has to struggle with, and often results in bizarre grammar and stupid TXT-SPEAK style abbreviations. So when Sarah Palin was expressing her dismay at the idea of a mosque being built near Ground Zero, it's understandable that it's going to be questionably phrased. But it's the fact that she misspelled "repudiate" that caused most of the Twitterverse to lose their mind.

Not the fact that she apparently thinks all Muslims are responsible for 9/11 and would defile the ground with their mere presence. And, if you claim to be a peaceful Muslim, you'll agree with her.

But whatever. I'm a certified, MENSA-level genius, and I make an occasional spelling mistake on Twitter. It's easy to do when you're typing on a frickin' PHONE for heaven's sake! And even if she didn't know it was pronounced/spelled "repudiate," is it really worth such venom? People knew what she meant. I mean, jeez, give Sarah Palin a frickin' break! All she had to do was make a followup-Tweet once the error was pointed out to her and say "Oops, that should have been 'repudiate' in that last Tweet!" and it would have been all good.

Instead she deleted the Tweet and reposted it with entirely different phrasing. Fair enough. That happens all the time, I'm sure. But the Twitterverse wouldn't leave it alone. They kept making fun of her for using a non-word, and she finally decided to address it...

   
Annnnnd... there's no way for me to defend that flash of brilliance.

What a fucking idiot.

So, I guess what she's saying here is that when you are ignorant as to a word's spelling and/or meaning and/or existence... just make shit up. Because that's what Shakespeare did!*

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave Speaks

Something tells me she won't be running as "The Education Candidate" come 2012.

Call me an elitist snob, but I feel our leaders should be trying to elevate language and encourage people to express themselves well. Not make shit up and be illiterate. Especially when you are advocating English as this country's "National Language," because anything less would make you a hypocritical douchebag.

But that's pretty much how I see Sarah Palin in a nutshell. Crap like this only confirms it.

I am totally ready for a woman to become president.

But please don't let it be this vapid joke.

   
   
*On the contrary, Shakespeare was a master of the English language, used the largest vocabulary of any English writer in history, and consistently penned his words in clever and exciting ways. When scholars of the Shakespearean Era did add words to the English language, they were built from linguistic roots in other languages (like Latin)... or otherwise crafted with some semblance of reason and intelligence. They didn't just pull a new word from their ass out of ignorance. Especially when there's already a word with that meaning in existence! To imply otherwise is just plain stupid. But you knew that already.

   

Hater

Posted on Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

Dave!So... the wholly abhorrent Proposition 8 initiative in California banning same-sex marriage was found to be unconstitutional, and an injunction against it was issued by a federal judge.

There will, of course, be people who are outraged at the decision.

There are, of course, people who believe that allowing two people of the same sex to marry is "redefining marriage as it has existed throughout the millennia across all cultures, races, and societies and defeats the purpose of marriage which is to produce the optimal family unit for having children."

Or whatever.

I honestly don't give a shit.

I'll redefine a WORD over making somebody redefine WHO THEY ARE any day.

Because this is The United States of America, and if two consenting adults want to be married they should get to be married. That's what our vaunted "freedom" is all about. The government has no fucking business dictating that somebody has to deny their sexuality in order to marry. They just don't.

It's not human. It's not fair. It's not right.

And it's certainly not America.

Because allowing two people of the same sex to marry does nothing... nothing... to take away from the people who choose to believe exclusively in "traditional marriage." Those people can still have marriage. They don't have to redefine a damn thing to keep what they have. They don't even have to personally acknowledge same-sex marriage if they don't want to. Just so long as they do acknowledge that their personal views don't get to redefine other people in a country which is supposed to guarantee life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for ALL its citizens. They don't have that right. They just don't.

And when I hear people say... "Just because I don't believe in same-sex marriage doesn't mean I'm a hater!"... the only thing that runs through my head is this...

You kinda are...

Because an aversion to somebody so intense that it strips them of their right to decide for themselves who they marry and forces them to adhere to a set of rules which makes them unequal in the eyes of the law is the very definition of hate, plain and simple.

HATE
a: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.
b: extreme dislike or antipathy, loathing.
   
Merriam-Webster Online. 4 August 2010

It's time to end the hate...

DAVETOON: NO H8

And to those who still wallow in it, bring on your inevitable appeal.

Because even more inevitable is the eventuality that this country will one day move past your absurd, antiquated, and ridiculous bigotry to fulfill the promise of a nation built on ideals of freedom.

I think we're due.

   

Severed

Posted on Saturday, September 25th, 2010

Dave!

In ancient Egypt, kings would keep track of how many enemies had been killed in their name by being presented with piles of severed hands and penises from their vanquished foes (hopefully after they've been killed). We know this because there are carvings and hieroglyphics in temples recording the gruesome tradition...

Severed Hand Pile in Egypt

The genius of this is that there's no room for error. If you tell your king that you killed 50 of his enemies, then you had better be prepared to pull out 100 severed hands or 50 severed penises to prove it. Otherwise... well, it may just be that it's your hands or penis served up to the king.

Nasty, sure, but... you can't make good decisions unless you can trust on the information you're getting.

And therein lies the problem with the world today. When images can be Photoshopped, video can be fabricated, and audio can be edited or changed completely... how can anybody trust that the information they're getting is accurate? How can you make decisions when everything has the potential to be a lie and any proof which substantiates "the facts" can be faked? Heck, you can't even trust what you read on the internets!

This has been weighing on my mind a lot lately because of the upcoming November elections. Since I don't blindly vote along party lines, and cast my ballot based solely on how I feel the candidate will benefit me... or people I care about... it seems impossible to make an educated choice. Because when it comes to desception, exaggeration, and even outright lies, politicians are the absolute masters. They will do or say whatever it takes to get them elected, and then spend their entire term in office trying to get re-elected for next term. Even if it means going back on campaign promises or flip-flopping on their track record.

Case in point? President Barrack Obama. Not that I had any grand illusions that he would be different than any other politician... far from it... but I fully admit I was hoping for more than I got when voted for him. Granted, he's still a far less dangerous option than hypocritical ass-hole traitor whack-job John McCain and his beyond stupid dumbass VP choice Sarah Palin, but still... very disappointing.

Health care reform? Eviscerated. Prescription drug imports? Scuttled. Don't ask don't tell repeal and support for the GLBT community? Fantasy. Public debate before bills become laws? Nope. Political lobbyist reform? Fat chance. Government transparency? An outright lie. Etc. Etc. Obama is working so hard not to rock the boat and make everybody happy that he's dodging, caving, or compromising on the issues I was voting for him to fix. As I said, no big surprise, but disappointing nevertheless. Such is politics.

So what to do?

Well, until I get proof that's equal in veracity to severed hands and penises as to a candidate's intentions... all I can do is research whatever I can and pick the one whom I feel is the lesser evil...

DAVETOON: Egyptian Penis Sacrifice

Not a perfect system, but neither is the political process.

And does anybody really want a pile of severed penises showing up on their doorstep?

   

Golden

Posted on Thursday, September 30th, 2010

Dave!For all the dumbfucks out there who obviously have no concept of what The Golden Rule is, let me spell it out for you... TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED. If you're Christian, you might better recognize this as "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you" from Matthew 7:12. If you study Buddhism like me, it's "Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful" from The Udanavarga 5.18. If you're a Jew or a Muslim or a Hindu or just about any other religion, this probably still sounds familiar because The Golden Rule is a universal concept for all humanity. It kind of has to be in order for people to be considered "human."

In fact, Scarboro Missions has an excellent poster you can get which illustrates this beautifully (click on the image to make bigger)...

Golden Rule Poster

The reason I bring this up is because I am sick and fucking tired of a horrific personal tragedy occurring only to have the person responsible say "I'm sorry! I never thought this would happen!"

I'm sure that's the justification the bullies who tormented 13-year-old Seth Walsh will use. After being deliberately and systematically bullied because he was gay, this poor kid couldn't take it any more and hung himself. Now everybody is all shocked and horrified and "sorry" even though they stood around and watched it happen (or actually made it happen). Well, too little too late, a life described as "loving and kind" is gone. Destroyed by hateful morons too fucking stupid to understand that people don't like to be tormented by bullying day in and day out, and this is the only way they could find to escape it.

I hear about crap like this and go insane. It's pretty much my worst nightmare.

And as if that wasn't tragic enough, now there's been another suicide when Rutger's University freshman Tyler Clementi jumped off a bridge because his roommate streamed video of him having sex to the internet. And I'm sure that the dumbfuck responsible will be all "sorry" because they didn't realize people don't like to be tormented by having their personal sex life broadcast on the internet, and this is the only way they could find to escape it.

I mean, seriously. Did any of these assholes take ten seconds to ask themselves "Would I like to be treated this way?"

Did those responsible for driving Seth Walsh to kill himself even once think "Gee, I'd sure hate to be victimized every waking hour of every day... perhaps this poor kid I'm tormenting doesn't like it either?" Did Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei who are responsible for driving Tyler Clementi to kill himself ever think for just one second "Wow, I'd sure hate to be humiliated by having my personal sex life broadcast on the internet... maybe this poor guy wouldn't like it either?"

I'm guessing they didn't, because if they DID consider The Golden Rule, and then went ahead and did it anyway... well, that would make them monsters. Inhuman, evil, devious, vile, disgusting monsters. People so abhorrent that they have no place in society, let alone humanity.

And what about me? Did I ever think for a moment "Hmmm... if I ever made the horrible mistake of tormenting someone so badly that they ended up killing themselves, would I want somebody on the internet calling me an evil dumbass inhuman monster?"

Yes. Yes I did. And I seriously don't give a fuck.

Which makes me the biggest evil dumbass inhuman monster of them all.

Somehow, I'm totally okay with that.

   

Pinktober

Posted on Friday, October 1st, 2010

Dave!It's National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and Blogography is going pink for all of October (which you might have already noticed if you're not seeing this in a feed reader or Facebook or something). As one of the most common forms of cancer, the American Cancer Association estimated that up to 250,000 new cases were diagnosed last year. They also say that thanks to continuing education for early detection and advances in treatment, millions of women are surviving breast cancer today. Women like my friends Denise and Sarah... and somebody I love more than chocolate pudding and Betty White combined, my sister Theresa.

As always, the key to survival is early detection. It's been said a million times, but here it is again... find out how to do a breast self-exam from a health care professional and perform a self-exam every month. Women in their 20's and 30's should also have a professional exam performed every 3 years (women over 40 should have a mammogram and professional exam performed every year). If you're not taking these steps, then start today. If not for yourself, for the people who love you. People like me!

Breast cancer has never been more survivable, so it's important to leave fear behind and educate yourself if you haven't already.

Breast Cancer Ribbon

There are a lot of Breast Cancer fund raising activities going on this month, so be sure to support one if you can! Or donate directly to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, the world’s largest grassroots network of breast cancer survivors and activists.

   

Politicrap

Posted on Tuesday, October 5th, 2010

Dave!I hate this time of year.

This is the time when 90% of the ads on television are political attack ads set on an infinite loop. And they all suck. I am so sick and tired of the political bullshit polluting my entertainment that I'm about ready to put my foot through the TV. Or put my foot up the asses of these dumbass politicians who are so busy talking about what the other guy is doing wrong that they don't bother to say how they're going to fix anything. Probably because they don't know what they're going to do. Far easier to just trash the other candidate and get the job with no expectations.

By far the worst ads here in Washington State come from the battle that's airing between incumbent Democrat dumbass Senator Patty Murray and challenger Republican dumbass Dino Rossi. I voted for Rossi last time because Democrats historically shit all over Eastern Washington (where I live) since it's mostly inhabited by Republicans that don't vote for them. They're far too busy throwing State money at their voter base over on the coast so they can get reelected next term.

But this year Dino Rossi has made it impossible... IMPOSSIBLE... for me to vote for the piece of shit because his ads are so reprehensible that I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I did.

But, to his credit, he at least looks into the camera when he delivers his "I'm Dino Rossi and I approve this ad" stupidity.

In Patty Murray's latest ad she's NOT looking into the camera... but instead "discussing important business" with somebody while she looks AWAY from the camera and reluctantly drones on with her "I'm Patty Murrary and I approve this ad" idiocy IN VOICEOVER! And she delivers it with such agony that you can practically feel her begging you to forgive her for being "forced" to air this horrible commercial. Well, Senator, if you can't even look into the camera when you tell people that you approve your own bullshit, then you have no fucking business airing the ad in the first place. Not that I blame you, if I was shoveling that shit to people while I asked for their vote, I wouldn't be able to look them in the eye while I said it either. But don't for one second think that you're fooling anybody... it's insulting to all of us. You're a US Senator for heavens sake.

Needless to say, I'm not voting for that pathetic joke of a candidate either.

So it looks like my ballot will be without a vote in the Senate box. I do not reward this kind of childish, unproductive, and generally shitty behavior.

I'm used to political candidates being dumbasses. I'm even used to casting my vote based on who's the lesser douchebag. But when you've got two candidates so disgusting that the thought of voting for either one makes you sick to your stomach... all you can do vote your conscience.

Even if that means not voting at all.

   

Columbus

Posted on Monday, October 11th, 2010

Dave!It's Columbus Day! A day set aside to celebrate the anniversary of Christopher Columbus arriving in the Americas. Now, while I can fully appreciate that this is a historically important event, I'm always perplexed as to why this is a national get-out-of-school-free worthy holiday. Back when I was actually in school, I didn't care to question it. But now? Now that I've read about the history behind the man we're honoring?

Not so much.

Because Christopher Columbus was a total bastard.

And by "bastard" I mean "total psycho genocidal rapist slaver greedy asshole sadistic bastard."

Seriously, what a fucker. How in the hell can anybody in good conscience want to celebrate anything with his name on it? And the more you read about him, the worse it gets. It's so bad that I find myself wishing I could go back in time and go to school on all those Columbus Days I got off.

It's also National Coming Out Day today, which is something actually worth celebrating.

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave Pride Flag

Because we should be celebrating people for who they are. Instead of burying them because society makes it impossible for them to feel as if they can live with who they are. I am sickened and deeply saddened by the rash of young suicides being reported, and horrified that there are most certainly thousands more we will never hear about. These poor kids deserve so much better at our hands...

In memory of Zach Harrington, Justin Aaberg, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Tyler Clementi, and Billy Lucas.

National Coming Out Day is a holiday meant for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender persons... but the overall message of pride and acceptance is one which everyone can benefit from. If we need a reason to skip school, shouldn't that be it?

   

Winterized

Posted on Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

Dave!This morning there was frost on my windshield. Not thick enough or strong enough that I had to scrape it off, a quick swipe of the wipers and it was gone, but it was a horrifying reminder that winter is just around the corner. Not that this is a big deal to me. I've lived in a climate with winter for as long as I can remember. A part of me actually likes the snow and chilly days.

The problem is with travel. Winter makes an already shitty travel experience even worse. In some instances, much worse. You never know whether or not an airport is going to shutter, or a mountain pass is going to close, or some other craziness is going to descend like Bill O'Reilly and fuck up your day in some incomprehensibly stupid way. It's for this reason that I avoid traveling from November through February.

The fact that I already have four trips scheduled during that time is beside the point.

Which brings me to the actual point... I am sick to death of the rampant hypocrisy I'm exposed to on a daily basis...

hypocrisy |hiˈpäkrisē| • noun ( pl. -sies) • the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform; pretense.

I will be the first to admit that it's entirely my fault. I watch television, I read the news, I drop by blogs, I interact with people... all of which puts me in danger of being exposed to lethal levels of hypocrisy. You simply cannot escape it. Especially during the mid-term political elections in these here United States of America.

My first serving of hypocrisy came with breakfast as I watched a reporter interview people at a "Tea Party" rally where this elderly woman was railing hard and fast against the evils of "government-run socialized health care"... all while holding up a sign that says "DON'T TOUCH MY MEDICARE" (which is hypocrisy laced with delicious irony). I kept waiting for the reporter to ask her if she understood that Medicare is a form of "socialized medicine" (Socialism Light!) which is (surprise!) run by the government, but it never came. Instead she rambled on about how "the government can just keep their damn hands off my Medicare!" (presumably this means they aren't to hand it to her directly, but instead leave it on her bedside table?). I just sat there trying to keep my brain from exploding all while wondering if this ignorant bitch had a clue what the ramifications would be if the government puled out of the health industry altogether as she was advocating. Not only would she lose her Medicare, but all publicly-funded medical research through the National Institute of Health (from which she undoubtedly benefits) would also be lost. And don't get me started on all those government tax-break subsidies given to employers for their company health insurance programs. Honestly, it's not that I begrudge people who don't want a public option for health care, that's perfectly fine. But don't be such a hypocritical ignorant asshole while doing it.

Unfortunately, hypocritical ignorant assholes are the flavor of the day, as I got it served up for lunch and dinner too.

Lunchtime hypocrisy was delivered by the USDA "Health Pyramid" on my cereal box* which suggests 75% of our diet should be grains, fruits, and vegetables... all while knowing full well that only a mere 15% of government food subsidies go towards these consumables (75% of government food subsidies go to the beef and dairy industry, so enjoy that cheap-ass Big Mac!). It's not that I mind our government making food affordable (a boy's gotta eat!), it's just the blatant hypocrisy of telling us to eat one type of food while subsidizing another which I find hard to swallow. So to speak.

Dinnertime hypocrisy was served up by Microsoft with their Windows Phone 7 "it's time for a phone to save us from our phones" ads. I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Taken literally, it's the very definition of hypocrisy, but I don't know that it's meant to be taken literally? So what could it be? Windows Phone 7 is so awesome that you never have to use it? From past Microsoft phone development history I'd say it's more likely that it's so unusable that you never want to use it... but whatever. I have an iPhone which saves me from MicrosoftPhone, so at least my Apple-branded hypocrisy looks good.

So...

Hypocrisy. It's what's for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

And, unlike frost on your car windows, that shit sticks like super glue and is not so easily scraped away.

   
*Yes, I eat cereal for lunch. Cereal is delicious, and makes the perfect meal any time!

   

Purple

Posted on Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

Dave!Today is Wear Purple for Spirit Day!

According to the website, it's a way of "showing your support for the teens who took their lives because of anti-LGBT bullying"... which undoubtedly means to say that you wear purple to show your support for those who are victims of anti-LGBT bullying, and to honor those who have tragically taken their lives because of it. Which I absolutely do. But not just for those being bullied because they are gay, but for anybody being bullied because they are perceived as "different"...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey in Purple

Because I'm straight, I have the luxury of not being persecuted for my "lifestyle choice." But I am all kinds of "different," so wearing purple to support an end to bullying is no-brainer. Which is ironic considering that the people who promote the hatred and intolerance which foster bullies are the ones who don't have brains.

And when it comes to offering support and showing LGBT teens that they are not alone... that there are people out there who love, support, and accept them just as they are... that there are people outside the LGBT community who will stand beside them... that even though they may be in a home or school or community where they are not accepted now, things will get better... I'm happy to add my voice to the many, many people taking a stand for what is right. Today and every day until we no longer have to endure a society that would ever convince somebody their life is not valued and welcomed enough to live in it.

  • If you want to read my letter of support for equality to the LGBT Community, click here!
  • If you want to know why I support gay rights and the dire need to stop bullying for everybody, click here!
  • If you want to know why I support gay marriage, click here!
  • If you want to know the Love Equality Formula for NOH8, click here!
  • If you want to know the shocking truth about gay marriage, click here!
  • If you want to know why intolerance simply cannot be allowed to exist, click here!
  • If you want to know why religious intolerance is categorically stupid, click here!
  • If you want to know why some politicians and religious leaders are so vehemently anti-gay, click here!
  • If you want to know how I feel about Prop 8, click here!
  • If you want to read my "Coming (20%) Out" story, click here!

Be kind to each other, my friends.

   
SUPER-EXCITING BLOGOGRAPHY BONUS!
Usually, I don't much care for award shows. The wrong things are always nominated and the wrong things always win. I rarely, if ever, agree with anything to do with mainstream award shows... including more off-beat "mainstream" awards like those found on MTV. But there is one award show that I kind of enjoy, and that's the Spike TV "Scream" Awards (even though all the actual non-stop audience screaming makes me want to kill people). They celebrate genre entertainment for such awesome things as sci-fi and horror and comic books and such, and it's always a lot of fun for geeks like me. I went ahead and wrote a wrap-up of the awards they handed out, and provided my own running comentary on who I thought deserved to win. Since something like this will only appeal to the smallest handful of people, I've gone ahead and put it in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

Sanity

Posted on Friday, October 29th, 2010

Dave!This weekend is when The Colbert Report has its "March to Keep Fear Alive" and The Daily Show has its "Rally to Restore Sanity." Both are parody-laden responses to the crazy-ass crap going on across the USA as the midterm elections grow near.

Unfortunately, my real fear is very much alive that Jon Stewart is far too late to restore sanity to this nation. That ship has sailed. The rampant dumbfuckery plaguing our country in the form of bigotry, racism, hatred, ignorance, deceit, hypocrisy, selfishness, homophobia, sexism, xenophobia, incompetence, and greed... it's all rapidly approaching the point of no return. Even worse, any form of actual sanity is readily attacked by people too stupid to even understand what they're attacking.

So good luck with that...

Sanity Banner

And the stupid shall inherit the earth.

Luckily it will be a world of their making, so at least they'll be getting what they deserve.

   
UPDATE: Well, the "Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear" has just concluded. For the most part, I thought it was pretty bad. It wasn't funny. It wasn't even entertaining. I was bored throughout the entirety of the event, and thought the screaming interaction between Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert was embarrassing. There were glimmers of hope... like when Yusuf (aka Cat Stevens) and Ozzy Osbourne hit the stage, but it was all destroyed when Stewart and Colbert went into some kind of mock music battle. Nothing seemed to come together, and a everything seemed so staged and pointless. I guess you had to be there?

HOWEVER... the speech at the end by Jon Stewart made the entire ordeal worthwhile. It was inspiring. He truly managed to put everything into perspective and diminish the fear-mongering assholes that are ruining this country. I hope that a transcript or video recap of the speech is posted, because it's well worth a look.

   

Daylight

Posted on Monday, November 8th, 2010

Dave!Daylight Saving Time is such a crock of shit.

I left work at 5:30pm. It was pitch black. WHERE'S MY FUCKING DAYLIGHT NOW? Gone, thanks to it being Not-Daylight-Savings-Time.

I have to say... even though I have given up all hope of President Obama being able to get any shit done now that he's going to have to spend every waking hour of every fucking day battling the Republican-dominated House of Representatives to solve this country's problems... I would forgive everything if he would just abolish this fucked up shit of having to dick with our clocks twice a year. Surely this is a bipartisan issue if there ever was one? Everywhere I go, people are bitching about how stupid Daylight Saving Time is. You'd think every fucking House Representative and every fucking Senator and every fucking douchebag politician in the entire fucking country would be onboard. It's about the only thing they can do now which would be embraced by the majority of the fucking population who's out there in the dark AT FIVE-O-CLOCK...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey at Solstice... in pitch blackness with only their eyes showing.

I'm in a really bad mood, so I probably should stop this entry before things really get out of hand.

Except...

I've just read a very disturbing article over at Ars where they're talking about the new mandatory procedures for airport security. People still have the option of skipping the "backscatter" and "millimeter wave" scanners at airports if they're too modest for that kind of exposure. If you don't know what one of those scans looks like, I transferred my last scan to a USB Memory Stick and smuggled it out of airport security...

Backscatter scanner image.

Of course I was wearing my MC Hammer Pants at the time (they're so comfortable for traveling!), so I had a certain amount of embarrassment built-in, but still... I don't want to go through THAT again.

So I think that I'll opt for the new-and-improved "Crotch-Invasive-Super-Pat-Down" instead...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave getting patted down.

Nothing like a free hand-job to relax you before a long flight. Thank you Transportation Security Administration!

   

Zombification

Posted on Monday, November 22nd, 2010

Dave!I am staying all alone. In a huge house. On a dark street. In rural Georgia.

What's the worst thing I could do right before bedtime? Watch the latest creepy episode of The Walking Dead... which is taking place just 15 minutes from my bedroom, that's what!

Now, I am not one to scare easily. I could sit through a marathon of horror flicks before bedtime and not give it another thought. But tonight every creak in the floorboards... every leaf scuttering down the roof... every branch tapping on the window... every noise in the night... it all added up to make me, well, not scared really... but uneasy.

Needless to say, last night was rough going in the sleep department.

There may not be any real undead wandering around Georgia, but I certainly feel like a zombie today...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave Zombie Head!

   
In other news, LEGO Harry Potter (Years 1-4) for iPhone is pretty sweet. And I don't even like Harry Potter! But I do like the LEGO games (LEGO Star Wars, LEGO Batman, and LEGO Indiana Jones are awesome!). In the game you can play Harry and dozens of other characters you unlock, then run around solving puzzles and collecting LEGO studs to buy stuff. Just like all the other LEGO titles, you can play through each level multiple times as different characters to unlock even more secrets with their special abilities.

The game looks a-m-a-z-i-n-g, taking full advantage of the Retina Display resolution of my iPhone 4. The cut-scenes are all extremely detailed and well-thought out...

LEGO Harry Potter for iPhone: Load Screen
Get used to this load-screen, you'll be seeing it a lot.

LEGO Harry Potter for iPhone: London Cut Scene
A lot of work went into this London cut-scene!

LEGO Harry Potter for iPhone: Hagrid has the keys at Gringot's Bank!
LEGO humor in full force: note the Harry Potter mini-fig on his keychain!

The game screens are no less detailed, but you're viewing them from rather far away, so you're not seeing game elements at their fullest. Still, an impressive picture...

LEGO Harry Potter for iPhone: Game Play Screen

Zooming in, you can see the clarity of the hi-res Retina Screen graphics (I'll bet the game looks incredible on the iPad!)...

LEGO Harry Potter for iPhone: Screen Zoom

Despite the fun I'm having with it, there are some problems, however. First of all, the load screen comes up A LOT, and scenes take a while to transfer. This results in a lot of staring at the load screen over and over again. It gets old in a hurry. But the biggest (and only major) offense is the control system. You control characters and interact with objects by dragging your finger across the screen... effectively covering up what you're supposed to be looking at! It's tough to solve puzzles when your finger is obliterating them. It's hard to control Harry when your finger covers him up. It's a heinous oversight that I don't understand. I can only hope that they eventually update and give you the option of controlling things with an on-screen D-pad. It would improve the game 200%.

All-in-all, you can't beat the mind-boggling price of just $4.99. It's a fraction of what you'd pay on the Nintendo DS, Wii, XBox, or Playstation versions! If you have a supported device to play it, LEGO Harry Potter (Years 1-4) is well-worth the download.

I just wish I had the time to actually play it. :-(

   
And lastly...

These "It Gets Better" videos just keep flooring me. The crushing despair, fear, and pain that people go through every day just for being "different" is almost impossible to believe. If we weren't seeing the tragic consequences of the bullying in the news, it would be impossible to believe. I just can't fathom how somebody could intentionally make another human being feel as though their life was worth so little that death is the only option left. It's sickening on a level that makes my heart ache just to listen to it. But we must listen to it, because things have to get better. For all of us.

This video from people at Disney/Pixar is pretty amazing and hopeful...

I wish I wouldn't have to keep wishing that all the bigoted assholes who make this world such a horrible place would hurry up and die so we can have a world I'm not ashamed to live in.

Because, in truth, it makes me no better.

But I'm somehow okay with that.

   

Red

Posted on Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

Dave!Though I knew about AIDS far earlier, I first learned about AIDS from the TV show 21 Jump Street on February 7th, 1988. In the episode "A Big Disease with a Little Name" Johnny Depp's character is assigned to protect a student with AIDS at a local school that doesn't want him there. As the story progresses, they did a pretty good job of explaining what was known about the disease but, more importantly, they were careful to put humanity above all the clinical details and cold facts. It made for a compelling story which has haunted me ever since.

Because when discussing H.I.V. and AIDS, it's essential not to forget that what we're actually talking about is real people with hope, dreams, and fears just like everybody else on earth.

So on this World AIDS Day I encourage everybody to not only review the facts, but to also show their support for those who are living with AIDS. Through the miracle of modern medicine, AIDS is not the death sentence it was back in 1988, but the prejudice has never truly faded away...

AIDS.org Fact Sheet Link

Educate yourself. Protect yourself. Educate others.

But above all, be a compassionate and caring human being. That's the way they handle things on 21 Jump Street, and the world is a better place because of it.

   
If you're so inclined, you can have an 80's flashback and watch A Big Disease with a Little Name by visiting this Hulu link or this YouTube link. Prepare yourself for acid-wash jeans and mullets!

   

Crazier

Posted on Friday, December 3rd, 2010

Dave!Today I was late getting home from work because my backup decided to crap out and start over from scratch. Not wanting to sit and watch the blinky lights on my backup drive flash for a few hours, I decided to clean my office then walk down the road to get some dinner.

That was a mistake.

Not because the dinner was bad. The dinner was fine. I had a grilled cheese on sourdough and highly recommend it.

No. The reason it was a mistake is because this is a small town and you run into some crazy-ass people once the work-day has ended and everybody's running loose on the streets. Now, don't get me wrong... I fully confess that I am about a crazy-ass a person as you'll find here... but that doesn't mean I'm in a mood to tolerate it in others. Especially when I have to go back to work tonight.

But it's small-town America so whatcha gonna do?

And so I return to work after a nice meal and full dose of street-crazy, collect my freshly-minted backup drive, and go home.

Where I turn on my television and find out that I only thought I knew what "crazy" was about. Turns out I don't know Jack-shit about "crazy" because there's currently somebody cornering the market on bat-shit crazy, and he doesn't live anywhere near me...

It's McCain!
Photo of Senator John McCain courtesy of the AP Newswire... and Geritol.

Now, I've already said my peace* on McCain and his false concern for the brave men and women honoring us with their military service (which you can read here). McCain doesn't give two shits about the people in our military... he's just exploiting his self-proclaimed "concern" so he can pander to his fellow homophobes when it comes to Don't Ask Don't Tell (assumably for political gain, but who knows... he may just be a gigantic bigoted asshole and I'm over-thinking things here).

Fortunately I don't have to unleash a new rant on what a piece of shit McCain is** because John Stewart has got that covered. Beautifully...

Sigh. Just get over yourself or die already old man. Or... or... hop in a time machine and go back to the 1920's or whenever it was people were okay with your delusional ramblings.

The rest of us are trying to move on.

   

* Please don't try to tell me that it should be "said my piece." I don't care what the dumbass hoards on the internet say, at a wedding you "speak now or forever hold your peace." Holding your piece means something entirely different, and I need both hands to type (no matter how much fun holding my piece may be). In any event, I've not held my peace... I've said my peace... so deal with it.

** Sorry for the potty-mouth, but I ran out of what tiny measure of respect I had left for Senator McCain when I realized that he is responsible for unleashing Sarah Palin's dumbassery upon the world.

   

WAR!

Posted on Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

Dave!If I wasn't so enamored with one-word blog entry titles* this post would probably be called something like "Give Peace a Chance" or "WAR IS OVER if you want it" or some other John-Lennon-inspired genius to set the stage for my upcoming rant.

If I really wanted to get descriptive, I suppose I could have gone with something like... "A wish to be included in holiday festivities on my part doesn't constitute a war on your part." Though, since this is me we're talking about, it could have just as easily been "Take your stupid war and go fuck yourself with it."

Which sounds like something John Lennon would have totally said if he was a creative person like me. Alas...

John Lenon and Yoko Ono say WAR IS OVER... if you want it

   
But before we mix it up, here's a calendar for December...

December Holidays Calendar

From a holiday standpoint, it's a pretty packed schedule as you can see. And I'm sure there's a bunch more holidays that belong on there that I don't know about.

But since this is the United States of America... AKA The Land of The Free... AKA The Melting Pot... where people of all ages, races, creeds, colors, sexes, sexual orientations, gender identities, national origins, and religions come together as one, it's not a big deal. Because while we may celebrate separate holidays, we can certainly come together to celebrate each other's happiness during the season! This is the USA, after all.

Right?

RIGHT?

Errr... apparently not.

Apparently there's a "War on Christmas" of which I was previously unaware. Apparently, some people feel that all of December belongs exclusively to the Christian holiday of Christmas, and the mere existence of other holidays is some kind of attack. Apparently communities wanting to have public festivals which are inclusive of all faiths by calling them "Holiday Celebrations" instead of "Christmas Celebrations" have declared war. Apparently any time anybody wants to do anything for the holidays that's not Christmas-specific, they're ruining Christmas. Apparently.

It is, of course, a complete load of horse shit.

This is nothing more than a scheme by hateful people who benefit financially by keeping everybody divided and miserable. THEY create a war, then sit back and laugh while other people fight in it. How very Christian of them.

I remain dumbfounded that there are people who actually buy into this crap. Is their faith really so weak that it takes the threat of imaginary war for them to feel anything for their beliefs? Is their faith really so shaky that they think Christianity will disappear if they don't go into meltdown when somebody puts up a stupid billboard that questions it? Really? Because that's just sad. I question whether you can even call it "faith" when it's more like lack of faith. Because anybody who is strong in their beliefs and confident in their God wouldn't be the least bit threatened just because a parade was renamed so everybody could come together and celebrate their holidays... including their Christmas.

Oh well. I'm not a Christian. I don't celebrate Christmas. I do enjoy celebrating the holidays with my friends and family of ALL faiths during the season though. I haven't declared war on anybody. So, seriously, from the bottom of my heart... "Take your stupid war and go fuck yourself with it."

It's what John Lennon would have wanted.

   

*I didn't used to have one-word titles for my blog posts. It's just that one day I had an entry where one word was all I needed. The next morning I woke up and got an email telling me that I was "stupid" for not using more descriptive titles on my blog entries so that they would be better indexed by Google and improve my search engine ranking. Obviously, I needed their web consulting services because I was too big an idiot to figure this stuff out on my own. Since I don't give a crap about my "search engine ranking" I thought this was pretty funny. And very, very rude. So I wrote back and told them to blow me.

I've been using single-word blog entry titles ever since. I'm stupid that way.

   

Progress?

Posted on Saturday, December 18th, 2010

Dave!When it comes to repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell, my personal opinion is that this is a good thing. People who do us the honor of serving in this country's military deserve to serve as who they are. But I'm not in the military, have never been in the military, and don't plan on serving in the military in the future, so my opinion has always been based on my personal belief of "respect an equality for all" rather than any kind of practical knowledge. And yet... all the people I've talked to who are in the military seem to feel the same way. So, yay, it's time to move on.

And yet the opinion of those serving in the military TODAY has been shoved aside by opportunist politicians catering to their homophobic voter base...

Senator McCain says GET OFF MY LAWN!
Original Senator John McCain photo by Wigwam Jones via Flickr

Which is disheartening because the attitudes of crotchety old men like John McCain isn't keeping up with the progressive attitudes of modern society...


Brian Tims - True Gay Stories

Fortunately, this country is moving forward despite those who would hold us back.

Sometimes.

Unfortunately this is not always the case. This country seems to have a history of shitting all over those who would serve to protect us... and, just when you think things are changing, something comes along to prove you wrong. Like the politician assholes who are currently working to filibuster the Ground Zero First Responder Health Bill. Or assholes like (surprise!) Senator John McCain who thinks the lives of our heroes is some kind of game.

I am trying... desperately trying... to understand the mindset that would cause somebody to deny much-needed monies for health care to those who risked their lives to save others when this country was attacked. The most common complaint was something like: "Well, that's what they're paid to do! They signed up for a dangerous job and are now crying for more money TO DO THEIR JOB? We shouldn't have to pay for that! I wish somebody would give ME a bonus for doing MY job!"

Give me a fucking break.

YOU TAKE CARE OF THOSE WHO TAKE CARE OF YOU!

There's nothing more to be said. Because if you don't take care of those whose job is to selflessly save lives, GUESS WHAT? Nobody is going to save lives! These heroes accept that they could die doing their job. They know that what they do is dangerous, yet choose do it any way. The least we can do is make sure their sacrifice doesn't ruin the rest of their lives if they should be fortunate enough to survive their service.

And now that first responders continue to suffer horrendous long-term respiratory problems and other health issues from being exposed to the wreckage of Ground Zero, they need to be taken care of when their insurance and worker's comp runs out. Again, it's the least... the very least... we can do for those who boldly go where angels fear to tread. So a bill was drafted, money was found by closing a tax loophole on foreign companies with U.S. subsidiaries, and all we needed to do was pass it. Sure it's expensive, but you do what you gotta do when it comes time to take a stand for what is right. You find a way and you do the right thing.

Except a bunch of asshole politicians think the lives of our heroes really is a game and decided that filibustering for political gain was more important than doing what is right. Despite an impassioned plea for them to do just that...

And so heroic first-responders are left hanging for no other reason except they're apparently not politically important enough to be worth saving. At least until it's politically advantageous to do so. Or some unfathomable tragedy befalls us and it comes time for them to have to run in and save our ungrateful asses.

Typical. So mind-bogglingly typical. Just politics as usual in Washington DC.

If only there was a way to mark all these politicians as "not worth saving" when tragedy pays a visit to their house...
Alexander (R-TN), Barrasso (R-WY), Bennett (R-UT), Bond (R-MO), Brown (R-MA), Bunning (R-KY), Burr (R-NC), Chambliss (R-GA), Coburn (R-OK), Cochran (R-MS), Collins (R-ME), Corker (R-TN), Cornyn (R-TX), Crapo (R-ID), DeMint (R-SC), Ensign (R-NV), Enzi (R-WY), Graham (R-SC), Grassley (R-IA), Gregg (R-NH), Hatch (R-UT), Hutchison (R-TX), Inhofe (R-OK), Isakson (R-GA), Johanns (R-NE), Kirk (R-IL), Kyl (R-AZ), LeMieux (R-FL), Lugar (R-IN), McCain (R-AZ), McConnell (R-KY), Murkowski (R-AK), Reid (D-NV), Risch (R-ID), Roberts (R-KS), Sessions (R-AL), Shelby (R-AL), Snowe (R-ME), Thune (R-SD), Vitter (R-LA), Voinovich (R-OH), Wicker (R-MS).

What repugnant pieces of shit.

Without regard to their own safety, there were people who worked tirelessly to search for survivors and help where needed when America was in its darkest hour. Now it's their turn. Their darkest hour has arrived. These people are facing health crises and financial ruin as a direct result of their service. It's time to return the favor and help them now that they need us. It's time to do what's right.

   

Dave10

Posted on Friday, December 31st, 2010

Dave!2010 -> AUDIO -> VIDEO -> DAVE

And now, at long last, comes that one entry for people who are curious as to what I've been up to, but only like to read one blog post a year. All-in-all, it was not a terrible end to the decade. Picking and choosing all the good stuff that happened in 2010 (out of a blog that is already picking and choosing all the good stuff) kind of makes me think it was a great year. Alas, I know better, as there were boatloads of crap I had to deal with that never end up at Blogography. Oh well. It's okay to pretend, isn't it?


JANUARY

• Realized the right tool for the job won't actually get me a free date with Elizabeth Hurley.

• Opened my big mouth and got the entire wine-connoisseur world pissed at me.

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey drink entirely too much wine.

• AND NOW, FROM THE BLOGGER WHO BROUGHT YOU PENIS SALAD...

• Found out that somebody stole my monkey.

Copycat Monkey!

Found a vagina on the sidewalk.


FEBRUARY

• Discovered that Canadians are responsible for the pussification of America, and showed them how REAL AMERICANS GET SHIT DONE!!

• Seattle FINALLY got a Hard Rock Cafe, and I got my 125th visit.

• Released my medical findings on a cure for the common cold to Twitter (and so much more).

Tweet01.gif


MARCH

• That Crasher Squirrel has been showing up everywhere...

Crasher Squirrel in Inglourious Basterds

• Just like Lindsay Lohan's cootchie...

Lohan Coochie

• Took my annual Birthday Vacation and ended up in Dutchyland, and Brussels, and Bucharest, and Transylvania, and Prague.

Prague at Night


APRIL

• Explained why Roger Ebert is WRONG about video games not being art.

Talked shit... LITERALLY.

• Attended THE blogging event of the year... TEQUILACON 2010 VANCOUVER!

Planning Posse


MAY

• Went to New York for a-ha's farewell tour and to hang out with awesome people while Betty White made her Emmy-winning SNL appearance.

Remembered a friend.

Got the tackiest phone call ever.

Took a dump on Lost and then went out for pizza with RW, which ended up having far-reaching consequences you'll find out about later this year.

• Summed up my position on the BP oil spill.

DAVETOON: Bad Monkey covers Lil' Dave in Oil


JUNE

• Saw the Worst. Movie. Ever.

• WAY TO GO BLACKHAWKS!!

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave in a Blackhawks Jersey

• Had more fun than should legally be allowed at Bitchsterdam 2!

Bitchsterdam Euro Celebration

Rush Limbaugh is a vile piece of shit.


JULY

Saw one of the best episodes of television ever (thank you Steven Moffat, The BBC, and Dr. Who!). I can honestly say that I think this is the only time I cried in all of 2010.

Van Gogh Meets Dr. Who!

Sarah Palin is a fucking idiot.

• Went on a tour of the USA with stops in Hollywood, San Diego for Comic Con, and Atlanta for Watermelon Beer, and Tulsa, and Kansas, and Chicago.


AUGUST

• Explained to haters who don't like being referred to as a hater that they kind are.

Paid a visit to mah Hilly-Sue and FooDiddy in Sacramento.

Got a visit from Muskrat and Whit in Seattle.

• Was inspired beyond my ability to express by the final words of a legend.

Satoshi Kon


SEPTEMBER

• Took a Mediterranean vacation and saw such remarkable places as Barcelona, and Malta, and Tunisia, and The Amalfi Coast, and Rome, and Portofino, and Corsica, and Monaco. As if all that wasn't enough, I got to have breakfast with Mickey Mouse!

Dave2 and Mickey!

• Remembered The Golden Rule and became the biggest evil dumbass inhuman monster of them all.


OCTOBER

Nearly crapped myself watching a television show.

DAVETOON: Oh Shit! Oh Shit! Oh Shit!

Partied down in rural Wisconsin... a good place to be!

Put Your Hands Up!

Got all poitical for a minute.

Wore purple for a very important cause...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey in Purple

• Went to Albuquerque to gamble away my money at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino there.

• Found out my iPhone can take some pretty decent photos if I bother to stop and look around because there's an app for that...

Wenatchee River Fall Colors


NOVEMBER

• Went back to Atlanta, this time for Pumpkin Beer and good friends... then a tour of THE WALKING DEAD!

• Took a look at porn and handjobs in the interest of airport security.

DAVETOON: TSA says okay! You're good to go!


DECEMBER

Got into the CALM Act...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave getting blasted with a hemorrhoid commercial

• Want to know where to go on vacation? Here are some of my suggestions!.

"Take your stupid war and go fuck yourself with it."

Took some pictures in the snow.

Snowy Cemetery at Night

• Took on stupid bitches and the law, and went ape-shit over net-neutrality, and was shocked as hell by a moment of lucidity from Pat Robertson.


   
And that was pretty much what happened with me in 2010. How about you?

Hope your 2011 is a good one, and thanks for reading!

   

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