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Cupid

Posted on Saturday, January 6th, 2007

Dave!All I ever ask of my loyal readers is their abject love and devotion. You can keep your money. You can keep your politics. You can keep your religion. You can even keep your souls. For I am a kind and benevolent blogger, and loathe to ask of anything from somebody who would do me the honor of reading Blogography.

Except this once.

I have made continuous reference to Jeremy Piven's Cupid as the best show ever to air on television. In the seven years since it was foolishly canceled (thanks to the raging morons in charge of ABC scheduling), I have not changed my mind. This show will make you laugh, cry, and everything in-between. It is all that television strives to be, with brilliant casting and writing that is unparalleled in the medium.

Yet it has not been given a DVD release.

Now Sony Pictures is asking people to vote for a series they would most like to see on DVD.

And Cupid is on the list.

I am asking... begging... pleading... threatening... petitioning... praying... that you will do me this one favor and go vote for Cupid to be released on DVD.

You can't vote for Cupid three times (believe me, I tried) so you'll have to pick two other crappy shows to vote for after Cupid, (except Bette which is stealing too many votes!) but the important thing is that Cupid be one of your choices. And, if the fact that it's the best show ever to air on television is not reason enough to make you vote, here's a few more...

Cupid's Veronica Mars

Do you like "Veronica Mars?" Then you should know that Cupid was written and created by ├╝ber-genius Rob Thomas, who also created Veronica Mars, and he's every bit as brilliant (if not more so). So go vote!

Cupid's Jeremy Piven

Do you love Jeremy Piven in "Entourage?" Then you should know that the same insane energy that make Entourage's Ari Gold so much fun to watch is nothing compared to the performance Jeremy Piven turns in on each and every episode of Cupid. So go vote!

Cupid's Paula Marshall

Do you guys think Paula Marshall is a total babe? Well who doesn't? You should know that Paula Marshall is in every single episode of Cupid (and looking much hotter than this photo I found). So go vote!

Cupid's Joe Flanigan

Do you ladies think Lt. Colonel John Sheppard on "Stargate Atlantis" is hot? Then you should know that the actor who plays him, Joe Flanigan, appears in a chunk of Cupid episodes as Paula Marshall's boyfriend. So go vote!

Are you a Lisa Loeb fan? Then you should know that she makes a stellar guest appearance in one of the best Cupid episodes, "First Loves". So go vote!

Are you a "Dead Like Me" fan? Then you should know that before he directed and produced the show, Scott Winant directed episodes for Cupid. So go vote!

Did you enjoy the musical scores for "The West Wing," "Sports Night," and "Studio 60?" Then you should know that the very talented W.G. "Snuffy" Walden who composed for those shows (and dozens of others) produced some wonderful musical interludes for Cupid. So go vote!

Are you a fan of Chrissy Hynde and The Pretenders? Then you should know that the theme for Cupid was their beautiful song "Human." So go vote!

Are you a fan of brilliant guest-star casting? Then you should know that Cupid had an amazing roster of guest spots by such actors as Sherilyn Fenn, Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, Kim Fields, David Johansen, Anna Chlumsky, Matt Roth, Daphne Ashbrook, George Newbern, Laura Leighton, and more! So go vote!

   

And after you've voted... get the word out. Tell your friends. Write about it on your blog. Let people know Cupid's day on DVD is at hand!

Who knows... if the Cupid DVD ever comes to pass, I might go crazy and start holding drawings to give copies away! I'm insane like that! So what are you doing reading this crap, when you should be voting?

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  53 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Vote!

Posted on Monday, January 22nd, 2007

Dave!Gah! I guess that the other crap I was going to write about today will have to wait...

The bitches over at Bette Midler Online have retaliated against Cupid being in 1st place on the Sony DVD poll! What I find funny is that these people are voting for Bette! simply because Bette Midler is in it... not because it was a great show or anything. Personally, I don't even remember the show... but when I research it, I find out that it was not well-liked, even by Bette Midler fans. so WTF? Cupid, on the other hand, was critically acclaimed, and could have built an audience had ABC not totally f#@%ed up the scheduling so people couldn't find it. Case in point... out of a possible 10 stars on the Internet Movie Database, Bette! garners 3.6 stars, whereas Cupid has twice as many... 7.3 stars.

I maintain that Cupid is the best show ever to air on television, and explain why in this entry.

In any event, If you love me... heck, even if you hate me, you'll please take ten seconds and go to Sony's NEW & IMRPROVED poll for DVD releases, where you now only have to vote for ONE show instead of choosing two other crappy shows to go with it... IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S GOOD IN THE WORLD, GO VOTE FOR CUPID RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!

Vote Cupid

Did you vote? YOU DIDN'T?!? DO IT! DO IT NOW!!!

There. That's much better. Cupid got to the top once, it can be there again with your help.

Good news on the AppleCare front... despite the fact that I called on a Saturday afternoon with my MacBook Pro hard drive problem, my return-box from Apple Support arrived today. Amazing. If nothing goes sideways, I'll have my laptop back before I leave. Loves me the Apple. It makes the fact that Hewlett Packard couldn't get me a freakin' return-label after THREE calls over TWO months (and untold hours on hold) all the more pathetic. HP sucks ass.

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  36 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Plodding

Posted on Monday, February 12th, 2007

Dave!Today I got lambasted by a friend because I am not watching Lost and Heroes.

"HOW CAN YOU NOT BE WATCHING THE TWO COOLEST SHOWS ON TELEVISION?!? she screamed at me. "OMG! THEY ARE BOTH GETTING SOOOOOOOO GOOD JUST NOW!"

Yeah, well I had fallen for that before, and swore never again, so I decided to ask a few questions about Lost...

  • "Have they explained what the smoke monster is?" — No.
  • "Have they explained what The Others wanted with Walt?" — No.
  • "Have they explained why The Others took the baby?" — No.
  • "Have they explained what The Others are doing on the island?" — No.
  • "Have they explained what Hurley's numbers mean?" — No.
  • "Have they explained what the island is for?" — No.
  • "HAVE THEY EXPLAINED ANYTHING ON THAT STUPID, STUPID SHOW?" — No.
  • So, in other words, they're still just piling more confusing shit on top of the same old crap instead of wrapping anything up and going forward? — Uhhh... yes?

Uh huh. No thanks. If this were truly a GOOD show (like Veronica Mars) then most of the questions would have been answered by now, and they would be moving on to newer, more interesting mysteries. I have no desire to be strung along by lazy writers who can't figure this out. We're half-way through Season 3 and monkeys are more likely to fly out of my ass than anything getting resolved on Lost any time soon...

Monkeys Fly Out of My Ass

And for Heroes, it's even easier...

  • "Are we getting more than one decent 'super-power' special effect per episode?" — Not really.

Well there you go. Heroes is just plodding along with boring-ass "B-characters" like "Mirror Girl" and "Mind-Reader Guy" while everybody with interesting powers just sit around talking about boring shit. Forget it. Until somebody gets the money to make a REAL super-hero show where people who can fly ACTUALLY F#@%ING FLY and shit... it's just not worth my time. I'll read a comic book WHERE STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPENS if I want to see heroes.

Anyway... I've taken an alphabet meme from 511 and slapped it in an extended entry, because it's probably more interesting than watching an episode of non-Heroes tonight...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  37 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Bullet Sunday 18

Posted on Sunday, February 18th, 2007

Dave!Lost is Lost... This morning I awoke to find a couple of emails from people pointing me to a story in The Washington Post about how Lost has plummeted in the television ratings and may be facing cancelation. I could try to act surprised, but what's the point? The show sucks ass. It was a brilliant concept that started out as a lot of fun, then disintegrated into boredom when the writers were either too stupid or too lazy to try and come up with cool new mysteries, choosing instead to drag out the same old shit... FOREVER. I mean, holy crap... I was pointing out this problem ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO, and I'm not even in television! Are the people running the show on crack? It's like a lesson in what NOT to do, where everybody sees the wreck coming except the people driving the bus. Next up... Heroes! Or will they learn from Lost's mistakes in time?

• Best Breakfast Ever... Snack-Pack Chocolate Pudding, five Golden Oreo cookies, and a glass of chocolate milk.

Ghost Rider

• Spirit of Vengeance... One of the cooler comic book creations, Ghost Rider, has finally been given the movie treatment starring long-time comic fan Nicholas Cage. And here's the thing... despite the shitty reviews, I enjoyed this film. Cage totally had a handle on the character, injecting humor where appropriate and not taking the role too seriously. The special effects were kick-ass. The story was entertaining. But, most importantly, there was enough action to keep things moving and the film was fairly faithful to the comics. What's not to love? It amazes me that reviewers are going to a movie about a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle thinking it will be about something else, then are disappointed to find out it actually IS about a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle. Well, duh. It's not supposed to be Shakespeare, it's just a cheesy popcorn flick. Taking it for what it is, I found it brilliant, and will be buying it on DVD.

• Not-So-Daily Show... Whilst clearing old shows off my TiVo, I ran across the October 26th, 2006 episode of The Daily Show which I've saved because it is one of my all-time favorites. Remembering that The Daily Show can be purchased at the iTunes Music Store, I thought I would just buy the episode so I could free up some space on my TiVo box. Well, it was a good plan, except that you can only purchase the last 8 episodes and nothing before that. WHY? I would think that one of the benefits of selling shows online is that you have a library of archived shows to offer for sale. Both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have segments and guests that demand future exploration... why not offer them? Once again I am put in a position where my only option is to acquire the show "unofficially" — not by choice, but by stupid circumstance.

• Un-Trekable... Speaking of the iTunes Music Store... I was thrilled that the new "re-mastered" episodes of the original (i.e. "real") Star Trek were being offered for sale. Now, for reasons unknown, Paramount has withdrawn them. Which means last week's brilliant update of The Doomsday Machine and this week's beautiful tweaks to the classic Amok Time are nowhere to be found. WTF?!? So here I am, again, perfectly willing to pay money to get something I want, yet my only option is to hope somebody has uploaded it to BitTorrent. Oh well, T'Pring is a total bitch hottie at $1.99 or $0.00, so it's all the same to me. The only loser here is Paramount. Dumbasses. They will, of course, blame internet piracy for lost profits when it's their own stupid asses who are refusing to take my money.

• Six Meme... After avoiding the "Six Weird Things About You Meme" like the plague, Kyle descended like the Black Death and infected me with it. So here goes... 1) I don't like coffee or coffee-flavored products, which I don't think is weird, but others sure do. 2) I am perfectly happy watching the same movies over and over again... I've seen such films as EuroTrip, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Fifth Element, and Bedazzled dozens of times. 3) I have written exactly one fan letter in my entire life... it was to 80's Atari Computer game programmer Tom Hudson, and I still have his kind reply stuffed in a box somewhere. 4) My love of all things Betty White is not a joke... I really do think she kicks ass, and am a huge fan. 5) I am a total comic book geek, and own over 12,000 of them. 6) Weirdest of all? I write in my blog every day and this is the one-thousand-six-hundred-and-thirty-fifth time I've done so. FINI) I'm breaking the rules by not tagging six people now, but I don't tag.

Three weeks until TequilaCon...

   

Cancellation

Posted on Thursday, March 15th, 2007

Dave!Continuing on with TequilaCon Week here at Blogography...

On this penultimate day of TequilaCon Week, I had thought I would sit down tonight and blog about the host city to this year's event... Portland, Oregon. Given that one of my best friends had lived there for eight years, I have a number of interesting adventures from my visits to the "City of Roses."

But my beloved Veronica Mars (the best show on television) looks to be cancelled now, so I just don't feel like it.

CW Network fuckers. I'm just dying to know what pile of shit you're going to get to replace Veronica, and will laugh my ass off when it turns out to be yet another CW turd that gets cancelled after three episodes.

Anyway...

If no other television disasters happen between now and tomorrow, I'll finish off TequilaCon Week and start getting ready for Blogography's Blogiversary 4 Celebration next month. Wheee.

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  25 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Homerazzi

Posted on Monday, March 26th, 2007

Dave!As I was pouring through the hundreds of emails piled in my inbox, Hilly emailed me to ask if I had watched The Simpsons last night, which I had not. After she mentions that Betty White had a cameo, I became obsessed with seeing it. A quick trip to the iTunes Store reveals that episodes aren't sold there, so BitTorrent it is. I remain dumbfounded as to why television studios are this fraking stupid. Here I am gladly willing to pay money for something that they have, and yet there's no way to buy it. I will, of course, buy the Season 18 DVD set when it becomes available (I buy all The Simpsons DVDs) but this is ridiculous. I cannot help but wonder if the execs at FOX Studios get together with Matt Groening at the end of each week and burn a big pile of money, since they obviously have no interest in maximizing their acquisition of it.

In any event, Betty has done it once again. Her brief appearance on the show after Homer has become one of the paparazzi was priceless...

Homer and Betty

Speaking of priceless, my beloved Elizabeth Hurley is making waves because of her stunning appearance at Elton John's birthday party...

Elizabeth Hurley at Elton's Birthday

And photos of her Indian wedding ceremony have finally surfaced...

Liz Indian Wedding

Elizabeth Hurley... delicious on any continent!

Speaking of delicious, is it wrong that I actually want to see the latest Will Ferrell comedy, Blades of Glory?

Bladesofglory

Every time I see the previews, I laugh. And tonight I watched the Comedy Central "inside look" on the movie and want to see it even more. This is quite disturbing to me, because I'm pretty sure that I would normally avoid this kind of crap like the plague.

And speaking of plagues...

   

Lotto

Posted on Thursday, March 29th, 2007

Dave!Last night was worse than most in that I didn't get ANY sleep. I had taken a quick 45-minute nap before The Daily Show & Colbert Report, and that was enough to totally f#@% up my sleep schedule. Since my poop schedule had already been messed up by my flaming diarrhea farts from two days ago, I can only assume that all my bodily functions are now attempting to sync-up again... badly.

After having "woken up" (ha ha ha) I had a raging headache and decided to take an aspirin. I stumbled to the kitchen medicine cupboard and downed a couple Excedrin, then went to the bathroom so I could put in my contact lenses. Once I could see again, I went back to the kitchen and noticed something very, very wrong. The Excedrin bottle I had left on the counter was not actually Excedrin... it was Excedrin PM, which is a combination pain reliever/sleeping pill.

Great. So now, on top of being exhausted from lack of sleep, I had just taken some sleeping pills...

Excedrin

Red pill? Blue pill? Whatever. Am I in the f#@%ing Matrix or something? Holy shit, Morpheus... I just took the blue pill! Now I won't get to have sex with Trinity in the sequel!

The day was getting off to a really interesting start.

On the way to work I had a panic attack thinking that I would fall asleep at my desk, so I decided to stop at the mini-mart and buy a 4-Pack of Red Bull. Perhaps drinking a bunch of energy drinks would counteract the sleeping pills? It was worth a shot. As I was paying for my Red Bull, I was exactly $2 over the total, so I decided to do something I never do... buy a Lotto ticket.

It may be the combination of the Excedrin PM and Red Bull talking, but I am feeling very, very lucky.

I have decided to win the Lotto.

I'M GOING TO WIN THE F#@%ING LOTTO!!

Maybe if I win the 2.7 MILLION DOLLARS, I won't have to worry about my poop and sleep schedule being all f#@%ed up. With 2.7 MILLION DOLLARS, I can poop and sleep whenever I want! And I certainly won't have to worry about people making fun of my new Sanjaya haircut...

Dave Sanjaya Lotto

Bleh. My head is feeling all mooshy. I wonder if it was a lethal combination of Excedrin PM and Red Bull that killed Anna Nicole Smith? I had better take some Pepto Bismol so I can get this all sorted out.

Because is there anything that Pepto Bismol can't fix?

   

Bullets?

Posted on Monday, May 21st, 2007

Dave!There's so much going on since I'm back from vacation that I guess I need another round of bullet points to catch up? It's Blogography's first ever "Bullet Monday!"

• Viagra. People stealing from my blog is nothing new. Usually I just let it go, because there's no point in getting all freaked out about it. Where I draw the line is when people use my stuff to BE me. The first time this happened, somebody stole dozens of my travel photos and created a blog devoted to "travel adventures" that they never actually had. The second time somebody had stolen photos of me off Flickr and wrote an entirely fictitious life around them. Now there's something entirely new going on... somebody has stolen a bunch of old entries in their entirety, but changed all the links to point to sites selling "Generic Viagra" and stupid crap like that. Needless to say, I'm not happy. Stuff like this is just going to keep getting worse and worse.

• Outfoxed. In checking my stats, I noticed something totally great...

Firefoxwins

For the first time ever, Firefox has surpassed busted-ass Internet Explorer in browser use. People are finally waking up! In other stats news... Germans love Dave. Turns out that Germany is close to overtaking Canada for the #2 spot in my visitor location stats.

• Veronica. I received many, many emails last week that went something like this: "sorry to ruin your vacation, but Veronica Mars has been cancelled" and so on. While not entirely unexpected, it does suck ass that the best show on television has just been gutted in favor of stupid-ass reality shit like Search For A New Pussycat Doll. What this says about television role-models for young girls today fills me with dread. Much love to the CW Network for doing their part to ruin society as we know it.

Ripveronica

• w00t! There have been only a handful of computer games over the years that I have loved enough to deem "life-changing." Certainly Zork would be on the list. I'd think Dungeon Master and Warlords II would be there as well. And then there's Myst, which actually did change my life. But there is one game... one... which I love above all others. StarCraft. This is the game that was so good that it nearly ruined my life. There was a time that nothing else mattered, and all I wanted to do was play it. Heck, I still play it from time to time. It's a timeless classic that is so brilliant... so astoundingly balanced and well thought-out... so remarkable in its twists and turns... so sublimely perfect in every way... that no game since has come close to topping it for me. And now Blizzard goes and announces that StarCraft II is on the way. There was never any doubt that this would happen, as StarCraft is one of the most popular and beloved games ever, but knowing it is really real is more than a little thrilling. And oh is it ever going to be beautiful...

Starcraft2

More info and luscious screenshots can be found at Blizzard's site for the game. I, for one, will be counting the days.
Hours.
Minutes.
Seconds.
Whatever.

• w00t! w00t! As if that's not enough, a team is porting Warlords II to the Nintendo DS!

• Barf. I've been catching up on work all evening with the TV running for background noise. I ignored most of what was going on... though Heroes caught my eye a couple of times because =gasp!= the SUPER-heroes were actually USING F#@%ING SUPER-POWERS!! WHAT A CONCEPT!! A pity they didn't bother to think of that sooner, because I might have actually kept watching the show. But it's what was on after Heroes that made me want to crap my pants, barf, then die. Tonight was the season finale of The Bachelor. I've never seen this show before, and now I wish I hadn't seen it at all. I was laughing my ass off as this guy kicks his reject to the curb, telling her how he loves her and will never forget her... but then slams the limo door in her face as she is driven off into the sunset crying. Naturally, the gal is heartbroken and, naturally, the cameras are there to record each humiliating moment because THIS is what passes as entertainment now-a-days. Thank heavens that Veronica Mars has been canceled to make room in the television schedule for more steaming piles like this.

   

Bah! There's another dozen bullet points I could write up, but I'm too tired to type them just now.

I guess that story about the hole in my lucky boxer shorts will have to wait...

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  33 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Viewed

Posted on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007

Dave!As I mentioned a while back, I tune-in to The View from time to time. Much like a car wreck (or Jay Leno) it's one of those things that you just can't help watching even though the entertainment value is questionable. What keeps me coming back is the outlandish political commentary that permeates the show's "Hot Topics" every day. Representing The Left, you have Rosie O'Donnell and Joy Behar. Representing The Right, you have Elizabeth Hasselbeck. And representing People Who Can't Form a Coherent Sentence, you have Barbara Walters.

Not surprisingly The View leans quite a bit to The Left because The Right is so woefully under-represented. This is kind of a bummer for a show that is supposed to feature different viewpoints, but Elizabeth's never-ending regurgitation of Conservative propaganda has me looking for George Bush's hand shoved up her ass, because I'm convinced she's got to be some kind of puppet. Rosie may be crazy and Joy may reduce everything to a punch-line, but at least they can form an original thought.

I don't know what the heck Barbara is for. Fortunately, she's gone half the time.

Anyway, there was a nasty fight between Rosie and Elizabeth today that was pretty messed up. It's not that I give a crap about any of the pre-programmed rhetoric Elizabeth says, but Rosie is just plain dangerous. Much like dumb-fuck Bill O'Reilly on the opposite side of the political nut-job spectrum, her unyielding black and white view of the world is part of the horrible wedge that is dividing and destroying this country...

Political Sanity
I put Jesus in the middle because he's supposed to love everybody.

Without any measure of compromise or an attempt to understand one another, people like this are doing far more harm than good, and nothing is ever going to get better for us. There's nothing wrong with having strong opinions or being Left or Right, but to go to such an extreme that there is no room for anything else in your thinking is sad. For a public figure to incite others to do the same is reckless and irresponsible. I respect people with strong convictions who are brave enough to speak their beliefs, but a closed mind should have a closed mouth.

Naturally this goes double for the politicians who are betraying their duty to serve all the people they have pledged to represent.

Which is why, when it comes to politics, I shun the dumbfuckery and choose to listen to a speaker of order amongst the chaos. A beacon of hope in a world of darkness. A voice of reason in a time of insanity.

I am talking, of course, about SpongeBob Squarepants...

SpongeBob Hero

Words to live by: Good people don't rip other people's arms off. — SpongeBob Squarepants.

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  30 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Ugly

Posted on Tuesday, May 29th, 2007

Dave!Today some crazy bitch started screaming at me in the parking lot of the mini-mart as I was running in to buy a bag of Sun Chips and a King-Size Reeses for breakfast. I have no idea why, and didn't really care enough to find out. She was gone when I left, and that's all that mattered.

Now I'm kind of regretting that she didn't wait for me to come out and attack me or something, because then I would have had something to blog about tonight. As it is, I've got nothing. Just work. And maybe a few television shows off the TiVo to catch up on.

And speaking of television... now that Veronica Mars has been cancelled, it's tough for me to decide what my favorite show on television should be. Since I haven't seen any of the new shows they'll be running this Fall, I'm beginning to think it might be Ugly Betty. The show never stops surprising me...

Fugly Dave
Holy shit! It's Fugly Davy!

Seriously, just when you think they've run out of ways to keep the series interesting, they hit you with another shock. And, unlike shows like Lost, the mysteries on Betty are wrapped up before they become boring, and they then move on to something even more interesting. The season finale dropped more than a couple of bombshells that have me more interested in the show than ever.

Don't ask me how they've managed to trap me into liking it, because I have no idea. Usually I run away from crap like this... RUN LIKE THE WIND!

Okay, maybe not "run"... but I definitely would change the channel with my remote.

UPDATE: TV Shows On DVD is reporting that the complete first season of Ugly Betty will be released on August 21.

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  27 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Paris

Posted on Friday, June 15th, 2007

Dave!It's 11:45, I just finished with work for the night, and the only thing I have to blog about is how worried I am about Paris Hilton.

It's been hours since I have read anything about her in the news or seen anything about her on television. This kind of withdrawal from the daily exploits of her life is very disconcerting, and I'm not sure what to do with myself. I think it's grossly unfair that she doesn't at least get a weekly video address to her fans from prison. Sure she did something bad, and I suppose it's only fair she be punished... but should all of us be punished along with her? What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment?

Paris Hilton Hero
I so totally (heart) Paris! FREE PARIS!

The good news is that Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie finally made up and are all totally BFFs again, so they filmed another season of The Simple Life. Unfortunately, I have to wait until Monday to see the latest episode...

Simple Life 5

It's not as good as being able to open up the current issue of People and seeing what Paris has been up to lately... but I guess it's all I'm going to get until the grave miscarriage of justice that is her imprisonment has been reversed and Paris is free to party again.

Sigh.

I haven't been this upset since they took Michael Jackson from us during his imprisonment back in 2003.

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  15 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Black

Posted on Thursday, June 28th, 2007

Dave!My afternoon was pleasantly interrupted when Bad Robert's Super Deluxe Girlfriend dropped by to return my Batman DVDs.

"Because of you, I've been stuck watching Batman cartoons for the past week... thanks a heap!" she says as she throws the boxes for seasons one and two at my head.

Ordinarily I would launch into a diatribe about how animation is an artform, and how Batman: The Animated Series is one of the best representations of the character outside of the original comics. But any woman who can hold her own against the crazy stuff Bad Robert does is nobody to be trifled with, so I hold my peace...

Batman!

"Thanks!" I say cheerily.

At this point, Super Deluxe Girlfriend scrunches her face a bit and says "Ooh, is somebody in a bad mood today?"

"Wha-? No, I'm good. Why would you say that?" I ask.

"Well, when somebody as notoriously white as you wears black in the summer, it makes you look like you're either going to a funeral or are in a cranky mood."

Err... really? I say, my voice rising at the end in disbelief. "I was going for evil, not cranky."

After an uncomfortably long pause, Super Deluxe Girlfriend says: "Yes, well, maybe if you had an eye patch or something... but I'm not feeling 'evil' here..."

"Fine," I say. "Tell Robert I'll be dropping off Batman seasons 3 & 4 this weekend."

"Ah, now I'm feeling it," she says as she turns to walk out the door.

Hah! THAT aught to teach her to question my evil nature!

"He who is bent on doing evil can never want occasion." — Publilius Syrus

In other news, I saw where Laurence made herself into a Simpsons character, and decided to try it myself. I had to make some slight modifications, but here we are...

Dave Simpson

To make your own fine self into a Simpsons character, visit the official Simpsons Movie site and click on the "Create Your Simpsons Avatar" tab at the top.

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  22 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Bullet Sunday 39

Posted on Sunday, July 15th, 2007

Dave!Sunday, Bullet Sunday... here I come!

Unfortunately, I have to go to work today, so it's a short one...


• Guest Appearance! I'm filling in for Hilly over at Snackie's World on today's Snackie Sunday...

Snackie Sunday

Of course, since everybody who is anybody already reads Hilly, I guess you already knew that. But just in case you are one of those people who read their blogroll in alphabetical order, I thought I'd let you know so you can skip from the "B's" to the "S's" and answer my super-snoopy questions right away.

• Super TV! Man, is there ever some good television happening in the off-season...

Summer TV

Rescue Me is as amazing and shocking in its fourth season as it ever was. Burn Notice features Bruce Campbell and Gabrielle Anwar in a supporting roles, which is reason enough to watch, but it is an incredibly well-written and acted show as well. The Closer is probably one of the best dramas to hit television in years. Top Chef is drastically more watchable than last season's really bad run. Traveler just keeps getting better and better with each episode (but is on ABC, and so it will probably be canceled). Psych is back, and hasn't lost any of the magic that made it so much fun last year. And let's not forget that Sci-Fi has a new Flash Gordon series dropping on August 10th! I am such a TV whore.

• Gay TV! And speaking of good television shows for summer, I was gifted an episode of Rick & Steve, World's Happiest Gay Couple from the iTunes Music Store and laughed my ass off. The show is not even close to politically correct, and SO wrong in many ways that I actually felt bad about laughing in parts. But it's a cute cartoon, so it's not like you can feel too bad...

Rick and Steve World's Happiest Gay Couple!
Think of it like milking a cow. Men are just smellier, stupider cows.

What's amusing here is that if the show had been created by straights, it would undoubtedly be considered homophobic, offensive, and be accused of propagating gay stereotypes. GLAAD would be calling for a boycott, and people would die. But, since the show-runners are gay and it's airing on a gay television network, it suddenly becomes okay. I'm not exactly sure how to feel about that, but you can watch a funny trailer for the show here and, for the braver of you, the first five minutes of episode 1 is here.

• Emergency! Friday I got to make a midnight run to the emergency room as a chauffeur. Again. As it was a Friday night in the middle of summer, there was a wild assortment of party-related emergencies, including underage alcohol poisoning, and a girl in the room next door that tried to O.D. (who didn't want to provide her last name, because she didn't want her parents called). After they were forced to take a urine sample so they could treat her, the conversation went something like this...

NURSE: Okay... what are you on? What did you take?
MOANING GIRL: Nothing.
NURSE: What. Drugs. Did. You. Take?
MOANING GIRL: No drugs.
NURSE: NO drugs?!?
MOANING GIRL: NO DRUGS!! I'M NOT TAKING DRUGS!!

And fifteen minutes later the nurse finds the doctor in the hall...

NURSE: Here's the test results.
DOCTOR: Well there's a big surprise...

Yes, big surprise, IT WAS DRUGS!! Who lies about doing drugs after they've had urine sample taken? Oh, I don't know... A DRUG ADDICT MAYBE? For big stupid fun entertainment, nothing beats an E.R. on the weekend.

But I'm in no hurry to go back any time soon.

   

BlogMe

Posted on Thursday, July 19th, 2007

Dave!Because I love Mocha Momma more than life itself, I'm joining in on her BlogMe Ten Second Intro meme!

But before I start... the best new reality show ever has just started airing: Victoria Beckham: Coming to America! The one-time Spice Girl is moving to the USA after her super-star soccer player husband, David Beckham, was awarded a gazillion-dollar contract to play for the L.A. Galaxy. I've always loved Posh Spice, but now my infatuation has escalated to an entirely new level...

Posh Spice!
Scorching hot Victoria Beckham photo taken from Just Jared.

There's just something about seeing Posh take her drivers license exam at the DMV that's totally compelling television to me. I think I actually squealed a little when she passed. By the time we got to the Victoria Beckham dress-up sex doll, I was hooked.

And now on to the introduction (which might be 10 seconds if you read really fast)...

BlogMe

I am a graphic designer, which is a career I fell into entirely by accident. I've designed or worked on just about anything you can think of over the past 20 years... catalogs, advertising, packaging, video games, architecture, clothing, book covers, album art, movie storyboards, posters, magazines, logos, web sites, software, user interfaces, children's toys, comic books, DVD menus, airplane graphics, board games, instruction manuals, maps, and much, much more.

I love to travel in my spare time, and enjoy visiting Hard Rock Cafes around the world.

I am a vegetarian, and have been since a girlfriend dragged me into it back on Earth Day, 1986. After becoming a vegetarian, the relationship lasted four more weeks. The diet stuck, and has lasted over 20 years. I can't give up dairy though, because I love cheese and chocolate pudding.

I am not religious, but study Buddhism and try to live my live according to Buddhist precepts. My friends and family mean more to me than anything else. I still think Elizabeth Hurley is the most beautiful woman on earth, even though she went and got herself married.

I'm Dave. Nice to meet you, and goodnight!

   

Flash!

Posted on Thursday, August 16th, 2007

Dave!♫ Ahhh AHHHHHHH! He'll save every one of us! ♫

I finally got around to watching the Sci-Fi Channel's Flash Gordon show. I was really stoked for the series, which is why I was devastated to find out that it sucks ass. This is probably one of the worst television shows ever, and that's saying a lot. Not only is the writing complete and total shite, but the acting is horrendously bad and the special effects (what few of them they use) are laughable. I can't find a single thing worth praising on this trainwreck of a series, and am dumbfounded that Sci-Fi... who are supposed to be fans of good science fiction... would screw things up this badly.

Which begs the question... how could you possibly fuck up Flash Gordon? There's so much source material to work from.

I mean, come on, the crazy-cheesey 27-year-old movie staring Sam J. Jones, Melody Anderson, and Max von Sydow was sheer genius by comparison. I love that flick! Not only have I see the film dozens of times and purchased all iterations released that I could find (VHS, LaserDisc, DVD, Import Special Edition DVD, and Saviour of the Universe Edition DVD), I've also got the movie poster framed and hanging on my wall...

Flash Gordon Poster

And here's the puzzler... the writing on this film was over-the-top, the acting was far from great, and the special effects weren't anything to write home about (though there was a musical score by Queen!). So why did the movie work, while the television show fails so miserably?

BECAUSE IT WAS ENTERTAINING!! Hell, I'd argue that the FIFTY year-old Black & White Buster Crabbe serials were more fun to watch that this shitty television atrocity!

In the movie, Flash was trying to save the entire earth. In the TV show, Flash was trying to find an iMac (or whatever). In the movie, Ming was a sadistically evil egomaniac. In the TV show, Ming is a whiny little bitch. In the movie, Dr. Zarkov is a brilliantly mad scientist. In the TV show, Dr. Zarkov is a bumbling idiot. In the movie, Aura is a brutally hot psychotic bitch. In the TV show, Aura is just plain boring. Much like the show itself... totally boring.

Flash Gordon fans deserve so much better.

Dave Flash Gordon

With even a little effort and creativity, a new Flash Gordon show could have been brilliant. I was counting on it being brilliant. Instead I was only setting myself up for disappointment.

Stupid Sci-Fi Channel bastards.

   

Crankypants

Posted on Friday, August 31st, 2007

Dave!On top of having the ebola virus (or whatever), I find myself to be in a really cranky mood. I was forced to leave work early because my eyes would not stop watering, and so now I'm even farther behind than ever. Just writing this blog entry is a huge effort that's probably going to take forever. Since I am mostly incoherent, I should probably just lay down some bullet-points full of whining and be done with it.

• Desktritus... Avitable has picked up on a meme whereas you share a photo of your desk. Of course, anything Avitable does seems to propagate through the blogosphere like a wildfire, meaning that if I don't participate there must be something wrong with me (even RW is doing it!). The problem is that there IS something wrong with me and I'm at home sick. This means I can't snap a photo of my nicely-organized work desk... oh no! I have to use a photo of my home desk, which is pretty much a disaster area that should be condemned...

Dave's Home Desk

Here you go Avitable, you bastard!
0) Business cards from people I will never contact, 1) A stack of books to read (probably recommended by Vahid), 2) A bottle of melatonin, 3) A pencil cup with my Maui shark keychain and assorted pens, 4) A plastic bag with a defective camera lens in it, 5) Two tarot card decks (I'm making my own Bad Monkey Tarot, and need them for reference), 6) An unused plastic rain poncho I got from Disney World, 7) A shot glass from my trip to the Hard Rock Lisbon, 8) Coin cups from the Hard Rock Casino Las Vegas with loose change inside, 9) My Rosetta Stone French course, 10) My Mac G4 Cube that I can't bear to get rid of, 11) A container full of Lego pieces, 12) A spare blanket from my car, 13) A container with Farscape trading cards and autographed photos of the cast, 14) A bag of rejected shirts from the Artificial Duck Store, 15) A box of souvenir crap from my trip to China, 16) A bag with an original Chris Ware print from a trip to Chicago needing to be framed, 17) A container filled with Japanese manga comics, 18) A tube with a poster from my trip to The Vatican Museum, 19) A hardcopy of my book, 20) A stack of comics I've read and need to file away, 21) A mess of cables and a LiveStrong bracelet, 22) A voodoo doll from my trip to New Orleans that really works, 23) My Sully plush from Monsters Inc., 24) My old Nintendo DS, 25) My Batman alarm clock that Karl gave me at TequilaCon, 26) My iPhone and glasses, 27) My MacBook Pro, 28) Old film negatives that I need to send in for scanning, 29) Comics to read, 30) Buttons left over from Davecago2, 31) Comics to read after I have a few more issues.

Yeah, that's pretty bad. But, in my defense, I've been traveling and working a lot and haven't had much time to clean it up around my home.

• Theft... I am constantly getting emails from people telling me of dumbasses who steal stuff from Blogography and try to pass it off as their own. Whenever I confront these idiots, it's always the same story... "I just wanted to share it with my readers!" Well, if that's all you wanted, then why not link to the original source? Or, if you simply must post it on your site, why not at least credit where you took it from? Otherwise, you're nothing more than a douchebag thief, passing off somebody else's work as your own.

My Creative Commons license is very generous. As long as you aren't a commercial site making money off my stuff, go ahead and take anything you want... as long as you credit me as the creator with a link to the source material. If you don't credit the source, you're breaking my copyright and the law. If you post my material on a site whose primary function is selling advertising, that's a commercial site and your're breaking my copyright and the law (even if you credit the source). It's not rocket science, it's the difference between right and wrong, and I'm tired of it. If you are totally incapable of saying anything original and have to steal all your content, then just give it up you thieving hack.

• NBC... I pay for DirecTV, so I don't buy many television shows online. I prefer to wait for the DVD. The only exception are those times I miss an episode, or I'll buy shows just to have something to watch when I'm stuck somewhere without entertainment. This is why Apple's iTunes Store is so great... it's so easy to buy a shows whenever you want. The $1.99 price tag is a bit steep for what you get, but I'm willing to pay the money for the convenience of it all. Except now NBC Television has decided to pull out of the iTunes Store because they want $4.99 per episode, and Apple (quite rightly) said no. IS NBC OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS? Let's take a look at current options for obtaining television programs. As an example, I am using the first season of NBC's hit program Heroes...

 
Current
iTunes
NBC
Wants
DVD
HD-
DVD
Bit-
Torrent
Cost/
Episode
$1.99
$4.99
$1.60
$3.04
$0.00
Cost/
23 Eps
$45.77
$114.77
$36.89
$69.85
$0.00
Cost/
Season
$42.99
???
$36.89
$69.85
$0.00
Legal?
Yes
Ha!
Yes
Yes
No
Quality
Low
Low
Med
HD
HD
Extras
No
No
Yes
Yes
Maybe
Media
No
No
Yes
Yes
No
iPod
Ready?
Yes
Yes
No
No
No
Wait
Short
Short
Long
Long
None
DRM?
Yes
Yes
Kinda
Yes
No
Fucked
Up?
Kinda
Maybe?
FUCK
YES!
Not
Really
NO...
Cool!
Not
Ethical

Who in their right mind would pay $4.99 for a television show that's of low quality, has DRM crap encoded in it, is more expensive than a DVD set loaded with extras, comes without any storage media, and is more expensive than even HD-DVD? NOBODY! That's who! Digital delivery of files is the cheapest possible method of distribution with practically no benefits (except convenience) yet the legal options for buying it always cost the most. That is totally fucked up. Fuck NBC. Fuck them up their stupid, greedy asses. And bravo to Apple for not caving to idiocy, and being willing to lose money rather than compromise to a no-win situation.

• Adobe... After having had to get my MacBook repaired because of a TSA agent dropping my battery on it and denting the case, something was wacky with the hard drive and I had to reformat it. This is no big deal, I keep full backups of my data, and I don't mind reinstalling my software. Unless that software comes from Adobe. Because of their new online activation bullshit, I ended up having to call in to get technical assistance so I could access software I PURCHASED DIRECTLY FROM ADOBE. This idiocy is meant to stop software piracy, but all it does is piss me off (meanwhile, cracked versions of the software are available on BitTorrent, which means that it doesn't stop piracy in the first place). What kind of company purposefully initiates a scheme whose only effect is making their loyal customers hate them? Why do I pay these idiots to treat me like a criminal?

• Finale... Eh, that's enough bitching for one day. I'm going to see if a couple of tubs of chocolate pudding will make me feel any better.

   

Wallpaper

Posted on Friday, September 28th, 2007

Dave!Apple released a really nifty iPhone upgrade last night. One of the coolest new features is being able to buy music directly from your iPhone over wireless networks. It's really easy to use, and iPhone transfers your purchases back to your computer the next time you sync... sweet! They've also made some other improvements, like increasing the speaker volume (which was badly needed) and adding some shortcuts to make using iPhone easier. I love that iPhone can be improved and upgraded like this, and can't wait to see what Apple comes up with next!

DavePhone

In celebration of iPhone's new upgrade, I'm releasing some of the wallpapers I've been using on my own iPhone. A few people have been asking about them for a while now, and so I've put them in an extended entry (scroll to the bottom and click "continue reading"). As if there wasn't already enough reasons to own an iPhone, here are twelve more...

iPhone Wallpapers by Dave

But before we get to the wallpapers... here is a wrap-up of the new shows I've seen for this new season, ranked from best to worst...

  • Pushing Daisies. LIKES: Absolutely everything. Just like Bryan Fuller's other brilliant shows, Wonderfalls and Dead Like Me, this is amazing television. BLECH: Absolutely nothing... it's a stunning, beautiful, magical, wonderful show (I caught this pilot on preview and think it's the best this season).
  • Reaper. LIKES: Everything. BLECH: Nothing. I am so happy this show didn't bite, because the demon-fighting premise is iffy.
  • Chuck. LIKES: Excellent cast and premise. BLECH: You'd think a show like this would get the tech-stuff right but, of course, a lot of times they don't. People are more computer-savy than ever, and having stupid tech mistakes ruin the show.
  • Torchwood. LIKES: Cheesy goodness that's highly entertaining. BLECH: Special effects pretty poor. And, oh yeah... "omnisexual?!?" WTF?!?
  • Dirty Sexy Money. LIKES: Superbly cast, with the always-amazing Peter Krause leading the pack. Everything about this show is slick, polished, and fun to watch. BLECH: It's a frickin' soap opera! The show seems too straight-forward at times, and needs some Twins Peaksian strangeness tossed in to keep things interesting. I can see this story getting very boring and mundane very quickly.
  • Bionic Woman. LIKES: Katee Sackhoff! Decent story and special effects. BLECH: When the villain (the delicious Katee Sackhoff) is more interesting than any other character on the show, you've got problems. They had better ramp up the action and keep Jamie Summers doing cool bionic crap or else this show could start to bore me like the non-super-powered "Heroes" which I loathe.
  • The Big Bang Theory. LIKES: Uhhh... the girl is kind of hot? BLECH: Everything about this show is totally lame. How long can two anti-social geeks be fun to watch before they bore the crap out of you? About ten minutes.
  • Private Practice. LIKES: Shonda Rhimes knows dialoge. BLECH: Yet another medical drama, but lifeless and horribly dull. Should have never been greenlit for a series. Even worse, it looks like Grey's Anatomy is going to suffer because of this horrible distraction.
  • Journeyman. LIKES: Not much. BLECH: This is an awful mess that's just not interesting, and the show's pacing is all over the place.
  • Moonlight. LIKES: Very little. BLECH: It's a vampire detective show! Just like Angel! But this time it sucks ass! Who in their right mind would put this crap on the air? I saw this on preview and fast-forwarded through most of it.
  • Big Shots. LIKES: Cool cast... Titus! Vartan! McDermott! BLECH: Horribly written... who wants to see guys being whiny bitches? These are supposed to be men, right? Because no guy I know talks or acts like this. Lastly, Joshua Malina, who I liked in Sports Night and The West Wing is grossly miscast here.
  • Flash Gordon. LIKES: NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY F#@%ING NOTHING! BLECH: Absolute worst show on television (though I haven't seen Cavemen yet). How the Sci-Fi channel could f#@% up so badly on a can't-miss character is mind-blowing. Do us all a favor and put money into a new Farscape special instead of this stupid shit.

And now for iPhone wallpapers...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

Shortcake

Posted on Saturday, September 29th, 2007

Dave!Saturdays are usually spent working, but I've got two week's worth of dirty clothes piling up, so I took the morning off to wash them. Since I was already caught up on my television shows, I turned on the TV to see what might be playing on a Saturday morning. Much to my surprise, the first show to pop up was Strawberry Shortcake and Friends on CBS TV's "Kewlopolis" slate of girl's programming.

Strawberry Shortcake started out in the late 70's as a kind of rag-doll type character which was used to whore greeting cards and wrapping paper and such. Then, in the early 80's, Strawberry Shortcake and her friends were made into a series of creepy dolls that were supposed to smell like strawberries, blueberries, and such... but actually stank like toxic waste. Now Strawberry Shortcake is back, but she's been updated to a smart-n-sassy, no-nonsense kind of girl with her own cartoon show...

Strawberry Shortcake

This is cool kewl and all, but there's a much-needed member of the Strawberry Shortcake family who's been missing. Until now. I am proud to introduce the berry latest inhabitant of Strawberryland... the Pimp-Daddy of deserts... Bran Muffin!

Bran Muffin

Bran Muffin is a boy with a heart of gold who helps out the bitches girls of Strawberryland when they need to make some quick cash. Bran lives in a swingin' rent-controlled bachelor pad in Sugartits Tower in the middle of Chocolate Pudding City. When he's not counting his money, Bran likes to spread a little of his sugar around Strawberryland, bringing joy and happiness to everybody he meets! Like most inhabitants of this magical place, Bran Muffin has an animal companion... his pet iguana named Colon Blow.

Sigh. I really should have a job in children's television programming development. I'm so totally suited for it.

   

Televised

Posted on Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007

Dave!This morning I wake up to my Variety newsfeed and see something so shocking that I very nearly pee myself while squealing like a little girl and crying at the same time... ABC to give 'Cupid' another shot.

My first thought is that ABC is bringing back the best show ever to air on television.

My second thought is that this is wishful thinking, and they have bought the rights to CBS's crappy dating reality show of the same name.

But then I click through to the story, and there it is...

"Rob Thomas to resurrect Jeremy Piven series."

At this point I'm in complete shock. This kind of thing never happens. Television networks rarely (if ever) admit that they've made a massive f#@%ing mistake and set about correcting it. I've written about my love of Jeremy Piven's Cupid many, many times, and the thought of it coming back is almost too much to handle. What's next? They bring back Wonderfalls, Dead Like Me and Arrested Development?

And then I read the story...

Thomas said he was "shocked" by the request -- in a good way. "I'm getting a chance to do what writers never get the chance to do, which is to go back and try to improve a work," he added.
   
  — Wow. Is Rob Thomas high? How can you improve upon perfection? This does not bode well.
   
Scribe said that while he'll write a completely new pilot, "I'm not going to reinvent it. What they're buying is the show."
   
  — Thank heavens for that! Maybe he hasn't gone insane after all.
   
There will be changes, of course.
   
  — FUCK!!!!
   
For one thing, Piven, busy on "Entourage," won't be reprising his role. Thomas also wants to come up with a main title sequence that captures the show's conceit so he doesn't have to explain it every week.
   
  — WHAT THE FUCK?!? CUPID IS JEREMY PIVEN!!! DID ROB THOMAS NOT WATCH HIS OWN SHOW?!? How the fuck can you "not reinvent" the show yet not have Jeremy Piven in it? Cupid without Cupid? And who gives a crap if Jeremy Piven is doing Entourage? He may be the best part of that show, but he's not the lead character! Bring Piven back to Cupid and have him make guest-appearances on Entourage! The show isn't even that good anymore. This is worse news than if they never decided to bring back Cupid in the first place! Maily because IT WON'T BE CUPID WITHOUT JEREMY PIVEN! If HBO had any integrity at all, they would cancel Entourage before it gets too awful, and let Piven go back to Cupid.
   
New "Cupid" will also relocate from Chicago to Los Angeles, allowing for more high-profile stunt casting.
   
  — Yes, well, if you're destroying the show by not bringing back the lead character, what difference does it make where you put it? Chicago was critical to the grounding of the show, and one of the many, many things I loved about Cupid was the constant location shoots in The Windy City, but whatever.
   
"The plan is to try to hook some really good guest stars every week," Thomas said.
   
  — I think I want to die...

So ABC isn't bringing back Cupid after all. Not really. My only hope is that we will at least get the original series out on DVD so they can use it to promote the butchered remake.

The hardest thing for me is that I totally trust Rob Thomas, and the new version of the show is undoubtedly going to be brilliant (the guy did create Veronica Mars and the original Cupid after all). But will that be any consolation to me? Probably not. The original series is the best television show ever, and having a new success on what could have been a stunning comeback just makes me sad.

Which brings me to the best show currently airing on television (TONIGHT 8/7c)...

Pushing Daisies

I've only seen the first episode of Pushing Daisies, but it's so brilliant that the rest of the episodes could be crap and the show would still be genius. Of course, I wouldn't expect anything less from Bryan Fuller (the guy behind the aforementioned Wonderfalls and Dead Like Me), and I am very interested in seeing where he takes this one.

But the show is on ABC... the network that fucked up Cupid, the best show ever to air on television, so I'm not holding my breath. The morons will probably preempt Pushing Daisies a half-dozen times... change the time-slot again and again... demand changes to the show... then blame viewers for not tuning in before ultimately canceling it after five episodes.

It's what they do.

I wish I didn't love television so much.

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  26 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Daisies

Posted on Thursday, October 11th, 2007

Dave!Variety has just released the news that the one and only Simon Pegg has signed on to play "Scotty" in J.J. Abram's forthcoming Star Trek film. I didn't think that they could top Zachary Quinto playing "Spock," but this is an absolute genius move. Of course, a terrific cast doesn't guarantee that the movie isn't going to suck ass, but it's certainly looking good so far.

And speaking of good things...

The second episode of Pushing Daisies was absolutely incredible. The show is like a work of art that sucks you into a beautiful, quirky world from which you don't want to escape. I can't think of another show on TV that keeps me smiling from beginning to end like this, and leaves me feeling happy for no reason at all...

Pushing Davies

Of course, this most certainly means that ABC will cancel it, so I have no idea why I'm getting so attached.

Bastard television networks.

Today I was looking through some old papers in a futile attempt to find an important document I've lost. Never saw it, but I found all kinds of crazy stuff that I didn't even know I kept... my favorite discovery being a photocopy of a cartoon I drew years ago. The Sam & Max video game had finally been released for Macintosh, and I was so happy that I drew my own Sam & Max adventure so that I could attach my personal check to it for payment...

(click for a larger version)
Sam and Max!

But that's only half as entertaining as my most favorite spam ever...

To: Abby U. Shaver
From: Mia X. Randle
Subject: Does your penis size ruin your life? Our product will stop that!

   
Have they ever told you this, "Damn it! Your penis is so small!"?
Didn't you just wanna run away?
Don't let women choose sexual toys but not you! Megadik will make you a real man! You must believe in this wonderful preparation!
"Gush! Your penis is impressive!" Isn't that what you just love to hear?
Soon you'll be the only one ladies will want! Megadik is your magic weapon!

The check is in the mail, baby... the check is in the mail...

   

Bullet Sunday 52

Posted on Sunday, October 14th, 2007

Dave!w00t! This wraps up one year of Bullet Sunday here at Blogography! I started it as a way to post about all the little things that happen during my week that aren't big enough to merit an entry of their own. It was a good plan, but rather than keeping track of little things throughout the week, I always end up waiting until the last minute where I have to struggle to think up something. Oh well. I've grown to like Bullet Sunday, so I guess it will be sticking around.

• Sauce! While I was shopping for ingredients to make burritos last night, I was in the Mexican food aisle listening to a woman yell at her kid for picking up a bottle of hot sauce. "Put that back! We can get that for free at Taco Bell!" she says. I can't help but wonder if she gets her ketchup from McDonalds.

• Aquaman! A TV show I've always wanted to see but never got around to was the Aquaman pilot (made by the same people responsible for Smallville.) Last night I couldn't sleep and finally got around to seeing it. Much to my surprise, it was actually pretty good! Now I'm sad that the show was never picked up for a series... it may not have been entirely faithful to the comic book, but was pretty entertaining and had real potential.

The cool thing about the show is that Aquaman doesn't take things too seriously. He's your average slacker beach-bum that just happens to be able to breath underwater, swim fast, and talk to fish. But when when the shit hits the fan, he's kind of a bad-ass too... like stabbing evil harpy bitches in the head! Sweet! I also like that there are subtle nods to the source material... like Aquaman wearing Orange and Green like in the comic book. If you want to check it out, you can buy it at iTunes for $1.99 or watch it on Joost for free.

• Alpha Flight! Speaking of comics... when I was in Spokane last week, I picked up the two trade paperbacks collecting the "all new, all different" Alpha Flight series that Marvel released in 2004. Despite the fact that it was widely criticized and cancelled after only 12 issues, I really liked the series, and am glad to have the trades to read again. Compared to some of the crappy books that are being released today, the imagination and clever dialogue shown in Alpha Flight is a breath of fresh air... even though it's three years old...

Alphaflight

• Spam of the Day! "Start a new life with beautiful large and firm breasts!" — Hmmm... while that most certainly would be the start of a new life for me, I think I'll pass. And while it might be funny when a guy gets sent an email for breast enlargement, I can't help but wonder if these spamming assholes even give a shit when their unsolicited, unwanted crap lands in the inbox of a woman who has had to undergo a mastectomy or other breast-related trauma? I long for the day that spammers are held accountable for their abhorrent actions, and finally have to face the consequences for the evil that they do.

• Quiz! Yesterday's "How well do you know Dave?" quiz is still open. I hope to dish out the answers tomorrow, but may have to wait until Tuesday if my Monday gets too crazy.

And just like that, one year of Bullet Sunday comes to a close.

   

Reality

Posted on Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
I am not a big fan of reality television. I watch Survivor because, as an original, I still find it to be entertaining... but all of the lame reality shows that followed have done nothing but clog up the television schedule and take time away from actual TV shows. About the only thing that changes my mind are part-reality shows like Project Runway and Top Chef where there's some talent involved. I keep hoping that reality TV will lose popularity and fade away, but it doesn't seem to be happening.

And just when I think it can't get any worse than crap like Flavor of Love and Temptation Island, along comes Kid Nation...

Kid Nation

From the non-stop commercials that CBS has been subjecting me to, I can see that this obviously-staged "reality" show features a load of "unsupervised" kids going crazy in a Lord of the Flies type society of their own making (yeah, right). Well whatever. If I wanted to watch kids screaming and being idiots, I'd go to the mall. THIS is what passes for entertainment now-a-days?

Which brings us to...

The top five things I would rather do than watch an episode of Kid Nation.

  1. Eat a tub of lard.
  2. Have sex with Ann Coulter.
  3. Run down the street in diapers while making "whoop whoop" noises and painting duckies on mailboxes (which, come to think of it, would probably be less crazy than having sex with Ann Coulter).
  4. Stick my penis in a Cuisinart (which, come to think of it, would probably cause less damage than sticking it in Ann Coulter's toxic vagina).
  5. Blow my brains out with a shotgun (which, come to think of it, would probably be better for my health than having sex with Ann Coulter).

Thank heavens that Pushing Daisies has been given a full-season order instead of being canceled for a new reality show called "Bitches Do Stupid Shit For Money" or whatever (wasn't that the original title for The Bachelor?). At least I know that there will be something worth watching later this season.

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  31 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Daveattle

Posted on Monday, October 29th, 2007

Dave!It seems strange that I've attended several blogger meets around the country but have somehow managed to overlook the major metropolitan city right here in my back yard... SEATTLE!

Well, last night that was finally rectified as the very first Daveattle Blogger Meet-Up was held. Unfortunately, it was kind of last-minute and had to happen on a Sunday, but people were kind enough to show up anyway...

Daveattle Lanyard

It was a great group of bloggers and a fun meet...

Dinner was most excellent at Capitol Hill's Elysian Brewing Company...

Daveattle Crowd
Sizzle, Me, Rick, Kristin, Rick's wife Julie, Tracy, and Tracy's friend Holly

Thanks again to everybody who took time out of their weekend to hang-out with me, and I hope we can do it again next summer!

Meanwhile, on the television front...

This was my last episode of Chuck. How in the hell could such a brilliant concept be so utterly and totally ruined so quickly? I am so f#@%ing tired of Chuck being such a whiny little bitch ALL THE TIME. He has two modes... 1) scared and 2) nervous... and I am sick to death of them both. When a series called "Chuck" would be a better show without Chuck, what's the point?

Back to work...

   

BILLY!

Posted on Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

Dave!I'M BILLY MAYS, HERE TO DRIVE YOU INSANE WITH YET ANOTHER ONE OF MY HORRENDOUSLY ANNOYING COMMERCIALS!

NOBODY MAKES YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF MORE THAN BILLY MAYS!! LISTEN TO ME AS I SCREAM NON-STOP WHILE REMOVING STAINS USING THE AMAZING POWER OF OXYGEN IN OXYCLEAN!! AND THAT'S NOT ALL! I'LL BE BACK IN FIFTEEN MINUTES YELLING MY HEAD OFF WHILE I SHARPEN KNIVES USING THE INCREDIBLE SAMURAI SHARK KNIFE SHARPENING SYSTEM! STILL NOT ENOUGH?? THEN TUNE IN TWENTY MINUTES AFTER THAT WHEN I'LL BE SHOUTING ABOUT ORANGE GLO WOOD CARE PRODUCTS!!

Billy Mays
PHOTO TAKEN FROM BILLY MAYS MAYHEM!

YOU CAN'T AVOID ME!! I'M BILLY MAYS! I'M ON EVERY FUCKING CHANNEL EVERY FUCKING HOUR OF EVERY FUCKING DAY ADVERTISING EVERY FUCKING PRODUCT EVER MADE!! BECAUSE I'M BILLY FUCKING MAYS, DAMMIT!!!

BILLY FUCKING MAYS, DAMMIT!!

   

BILLY MAYS!!!

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  37 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Bullet Sunday 57

Posted on Sunday, November 25th, 2007

Dave!Where did this day go? Seriously, it's coming up on dinner-time and it feels like I just woke up a couple of hours ago. I know I went to work, but I didn't get nearly enough done. Must be a Bullet Sunday.

• Pole! What is it with the latest fitness trends that keep popping up, disappearing, then popping up again? I'm seeing ads (once again) for POLE DANCING as exercise. I could make a number of smart-ass comments here, but instead I decided to buy a pole and get into shape! Off I went to Amazon to get an instructional video... and imagine my surprise when I found out there's a whole world of slutty exercise programs to choose from!

Poledancingexcercise

And now I can't decide if I want to learn exotic dancing, pole dancing, lap dancing, or bump n' grind strip-dancing. My gut instinct is to stick with pole dancing, but I'm thinking there's more money to be made in lap dancing. At least that's always been the case when I'm paying for it. Because, hey, there's nothing to say a guy can't earn a little cash while getting into shape.

• South Park! Last night I finally had a chance to pull out my South Park: The Complete 10th Season DVD set and watch my second favorite episode of the series ever: Make Love, Not Warcraft (my all-time favorite being Christian Rock Hard). In addition to being hysterically funny, the episode is just so incredibly well made. I'd go so far as to say that it's practically flawless. Anybody who hasn't seen it should definitely take a look...

Make Love, Not Warcraft

• WOW! Included with my new South Park DVD set, there was a free 14-day trial for World of Warcraft. This is a really brilliant idea, because after having watched that South Park episode, I was in the mood to give it a try. I had played the original WarCraft games but, since I am not so much into the whole "online massive multi-player" thing, I never tried WOW. And now that I have, I know what all the fuss is about. It's pretty sweet!

Dave WOW!
This is me! I'm a Tauren Shamen, which I picked because he looks badass cool.

Dave WOW!
I use my mace to unleash my righteous fury on giant turkeys.

Dave WOW!
Then I figure out that I can shoot lightning, which I use to fry green pigs.

Dave WOW!
Oh shit! I'm dead!! I got my ass handed to me by a giant super-pig!

Dave WOW!
Oooh! The moon is all pretty and stuff.

For a while there, I was having me some fun... being all kick-ass by running around and killing giant turkeys and pigs and stuff. But then people started asking me to join their group every 15 minutes, and I didn't want to play anymore. I don't want to join a group. I'm busy all the time, and can't commit to playing with a group... I just want people to leave me alone. But I couldn't find a way to hang a big "DON'T ASK ME TO BE IN YOUR GROUP" sign around my neck, so I gave up and stopped playing. Oh well. Hopefully Blizzard will release Warcraft IV soon, so I can play alone. Of course, right now I'm more interested in Starcraft II, which is the sequel to my favorite Blizzard game of all time.

&bull Starbucks! I have written about the song I Love N.Y.E. by Badly Drawn Boy (from the amazing About A Boy movie soundtrack) a couple of times now (here and here). It's beautiful, magical, and I've always been puzzled as to why it was never nabbed for a television commercial. Well, somebody really smart in Starbucks' marketing department finally found it, and it's playing on a really cool animated ad for their calorie-laden holiday drinks (it's got penguins in it!). Beutifully done, Starbucks! If you're curious about this wonderful piece of music, you can take a listen at iTunes here.

• Ghost Rider! After goofing off with WOW, I capped off my evening by watching my Blu-Ray copy of Nicholas Cage in Ghost Rider. It's not a great film by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a fun movie to watch and has nifty special effects. The critics, of course, savaged the movie in their reviews (it mustered only 28% on Rotten Tomatoes), which is probably justified, but kind of lame since this was such an easy target. I mean, come on, it's got a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle and Nicholas Cage in a hairpiece for crying out loud! At some point you have to just let go...

Ghost Rider!

Besides, any movie that's got Sam Elliott and Peter Fonda in it can't be too bad!

And thus ends Bullet Sunday (though I've got a iTunes meme in an extended entry which was tagged me by James). Tomorrow I'm traveling cross-country, so my entry for Monday will be posted pretty late. For anybody interested, I'll be updating my journey throughout the day via DaveStalker™, so feel free to travel along with me if you've got nothing better to do.

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

Minutes

Posted on Friday, December 7th, 2007

Dave!This morning as I was walking through town, I spotted a man and a woman in the middle of a bitter argument. I could hear them yelling a block away, and there was much hand-waving and stomping of feet while they screamed. As I got closer, the reason for the ruckus was soon apparent.

It was over their mobile phone bill.

Apparently they went over their minutes allotment, and she was being blamed for it all.

"WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS ON THE PHONE? WHO ARE YOU CALLING?"

"YOU'RE THE ONE CALLING ME EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY! EVER THINK THIS MIGHT BE YOUR FAULT??"

I wanted to stop and ask why they didn't have a plan that allowed unlimited calling on a shared plan, but decided against it. Getting involved in a domestic dispute where roaming charges are involved can be fatal.

Who'da thunk that a phone bill could be so entertaining?

Last night there was yet another brilliant cameo by Betty White... this time on Ugly Betty. What made it so cool was that Betty was playing herself (or, to be more accurate, and exaggerated version of herself) which was sweet...

Betty White: "I'll be fine. I did lose a lot of blood, but it was my own fault. I stopped to sign a few autographs and almost bled out on the sidewalk."
   
Wilhelmina Slater: "Well, that's why you're beloved... you're loyal to your fans."
   
Betty White: "Oh, well, I adore them. Except for the few sickos who write lesbian fan fiction about me and Bea Arthur."

And my personal favorite...

Betty White: "Oh terrific, I'm going on TV with whore eyes!"

I maintain that Betty White should guest-star on all television programs. Her appearing on Heroes and Lost would be about the only thing that could get me to start watching those shows again.

Besides, Betty could use the work since all her Golden Girls money was wasted away on nickel slots.

Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink  17 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Day One: Seattle

Posted on Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Dave!Ooh! It's time for vacation!

I'm departing sunny Seattle for the rain-soaked shores of Glacier Bay, Alaska. At least I'm assuming they're rain-soaked shores, because that's what everybody has been telling me. Whenever people hear where I'm going, it seems to be all they can talk about... "Those Alaska cruises are fantastic... if you like rain" or "You'll love it... if you don't mind getting wet" or "Yeah, I did that Alaska cruise... AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH RAIN IN ALL MY LIFE!" Since rain doesn't bother me much, I'm not worried about getting wet. I am, however, a little concerned that it seems to be the most memorable part of the trip for people who have done it before.

Interestingly enough, Seattle had positively flawless weather today...

Sunny Seattle

Sunny Seattle

But the minute we headed out into Puget Sound, the clouds started rolling in...

Aboard Ship

Looking Aft

Which made for a nice sunset...

Ships Passing In The Night

After the sun had gone, mist drifted in and covered the shoreline...

Sun Has Set

Misty Shore

And now it's getting dark. That must mean it's time for ice cream.

   

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