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Hater

Posted on Saturday, January 5th, 2008

Dave!People are always astounded to learn that I get a steady stream of hate-mail for my blog. I could pretend that I'm not astounded as well, but it's a mystery to me too. Because when you compare Blogography to other blogs out there, I'm downright tame. I rarely post anything nasty, political, or controversial... and it's got monkeys and cartoons in it!

For the most part, I don't much care about the haters who feel the need to write to me. They're usually just random whack-jobs who come here from a Google search. They read a single entry (or just a part of an entry), ignore the other 1,961 entries, and come to the conclusions they hate me enough to let me know about it. The breakdown works out to be something like this...

Hate Mail Chart

With statistics like that, it should come as no surprise that the vast majority of my hate-mail gets deleted immediately. Most of the time I don't even bother to read them before sending off my standard reply ("Thank you so much for your lovely letter regarding Blogography, and I look forward to making you even more angry in the future!") then hitting the delete key.

It's not that I mind having people hate me.

I'm just offended that they're so fucking stupid about it.

I mean, when the subject of an email you receive is "u're blog sucks" (I shit you not, that's one I got just yesterday)... exactly how am I supposed to react to that? I naturally conclude the author is a complete dumbass. Not only are they so stupid that they're blissfully unaware that they've abbreviated "YOU ARE BLOG SUCKS," but the abbreviation of "u're" is the exact same length as their intended "your" (if they were smart enough to know how in the hell to write in the first place). And if the subject is that asinine, why in the hell would I read the rest of it?

If somebody is going to hate on me, I wish they would at least be literate and entertaining about it.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  23 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Diaper

Posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2008

Dave!I've been blogging long enough to know that there is no telling what is going to set people off. Sometimes I write entries that I think are going to be controversial and unleash a flood of hate mail, and get nothing. Other times I write what I think are charming and uplifting entries, only to get death threats and people telling me how much I suck. It's a crap-shoot, and I gave up a long time ago trying to figure it out.

Yet reader reaction still crosses my mind.

And, while it doesn't ever really influence what I write, it does make me question myself from time to time.

But it's not the same for comments I leave on other people's blogs.

I'm a cheeky bastard, and that apparently gives me free reign to joke around or say crazy crap and then never even consider that there might be consequences. After all, it's not my blog! I wouldn't intentionally comment with stuff that might get another blogger in trouble or anything... but after I write on their blog, I just don't worry about repercussions.

Now I am slowly starting to regret that, and here's just one example of why...

Over a year ago, Pauly wrote a hysterical entry over at his Words for My Enjoyment blog extolling the virtues of adult diapers, from which I'm republishing a small part here (you really should go read the entire thing, because it's dang funny)...

...Wear them all the time, wherever you want, whenever you go out in public. Don’t be afraid of people’s opinions, since everyone will be wearing them. Forget about "holding things in" from this day forward and feel free for once in your life. Make the elderly finally feel embraced instead of ridiculed and remove the teasing from the adolescent equation that affects so many children in a negative way. Give every person in this world the opportunity to live, learn, grow and urinate anywhere and anytime without societal pressure to "hold themselves in."
   
Adult diapers for everyone. It’s an idea whose time has come.

Inspired to "let myself go," I went ahead and left the following comment...

DaveatarI heartily agree… but am having trouble finding adult diapers that offer full protection, yet have a slim profile. I tire of the embarrassing looks and stares I get while wearing my diapers in public!

Now, that was meant to be a joke. Ha ha funny and all that. I don't really wear diapers.

At least not yet.

But that hasn't stopped dozens of people from emailing me with advice about my "diaper problem."

Dave in a Diaper

Some people genuinely want to help out and offer diaper tips. Others want to make fun of me. Still others want to ask me questions about my "diaper habit" (or, heaven help them) ask me to send them photos of me wearing diapers (which is the email I got today). It's all pretty messed up, and has exposed me to a secret world of adult-diaper-fetish aficionados that I really didn't need to know about.

All because I didn't consider the consequences as I was hacking out a ten second comment.

Which is a shame, because the convenience of being able to pee in my pants is an idea that's starting to grow on me.

   

Egotistical

Posted on Friday, January 18th, 2008

Dave!"That's quite an ego you got there. With your blog and your DaveStalker nonsense, your entire life is nothing more than a narcissistic delusion"... the email said in an annoyingly green text color.

An ego? ME?!??

Do you really think so?? What could ever give you that idea?

Is it because I tell everybody I'm a total genius? (from the entry DaveQ)...

DaveQ

Is it that I think the world revolves around me? (from the entry Dave)...

Dave Universe

Is it that I want a 50-story marble monument built in my honor? (from the entry Monument)...

Dave Monument

Is it because I think I'm Jesus? (from the entry Jesus)...

Madonna And Child

Or is it because I think I'm God? (from the entry Intelligence)...

Intelligence

You're going to have to help me out here, because I'm just not seeing it...

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  30 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

LOLcraps

Posted on Monday, January 21st, 2008

Dave!Call me an insensitive bastard, but I hate getting forwarded "inspirational" and "funny" emails.

I realize the people who do the forwarding think they are being kind by sending me this stuff. They feel that because they find something hilariously funny or warmly comforting that everybody else will too, so they want to share it. Stories of lost puppies finding their way home against all odds. Sweet poems about how much Jesus loves you. Tales of people triumphing over adversity. Humorous accounts of children saying something embarrassing at the wrong time. It's all there for the forwarding, and it drives me nuts.

And the latest abomination to be cluttering my inbox?

LOLcats.

Which I'm guessing stands for "Laugh-Out-Loud Cats."

This phenomena of adding badly spelled and oddly phrased sayings to wacky pictures of cats has taken the internet by storm. Everybody just LOVES LOLcats! One of the most inexplicably popular seems to be this idiotic image...

Cheezburger

And I just don't get it. I certainly don't find it "lough-out-loud" funny. Or even mildly amusing.

When I'm not being inundated with LOLcats in the blogs I read, they're being forwarded to me in emails several times a week.

I'm hoping that the fad dies out soon, because I'm really close to creating my own LOLcats to send to people...

Prayer Cat
Cat image stolen from Blogography.

Skanky Cat
Cat image stolen from Rippin Kitten.

Kitten Shitburger
Cat image purchased from iStock Photo.

Which is probably safer than my first idea of making "LOLpussys" out of something altogether different.

= ahem =

Meanwhile, back to my Hannah Montana addiction...

I'm slowly catching up on all the episodes thanks to nightly marathons of the show on Disney2. But I'm starting to get really confused on a few things...

  • If Hannah Montana is one of the most popular pop stars on the planet, where is her money? I saw an episode where she agonized over having to return a car she was given. Why? She must be worth millions... why can't she just buy one?
  • I understand Miley's mother (Brooke Shields!) died... but did they ever say how she died? Miley's past is shrouded in mystery and full of holes which really undermines her character development.
  • Miley Stewart (secretly pop star Hannah Montana) has a father Robby Stewart (secretly former country star Robbie Ray who is public father to Hannah Montana). What I can't figure out is if Robbie Ray is supposed to be Hannah's manager, or if when Robby Stewart puts on that fake manager mustache he is supposed to be yet another secret identity? Because half the time Robby makes no effort to disguise himself as Robbie which should be making Miley's secret identity of Hannah obvious.
  • Speaking of secret identity busting... Miley doesn't even try to disguise her voice when she's Hannah Montana. Even blindfolded, somebody could easily pick out her distinctive speaking style. I realize that you have to suspend some belief here (Superman + Glasses = Clark Kent) but this is really stretching it.

Hmmm... I really should get back to work. Here it is 10:00, and I've got entirely too much to do before bedtime.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  45 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Broked

Posted on Tuesday, February 5th, 2008

Dave!Something is broked and I can't get today's entry to post. Comments still work just fine, so I have no idea what's going on. Looks like I get to hand-code stuff today, and have a new project for tomorrow morning. Goody.

Blog Broked

This Tuesday has not been so super for me.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  15 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Lazy

Posted on Sunday, February 17th, 2008

Dave!Why should I mess up an entire day of doing nothing by blogging?

Sometimes, lazy is good.


Couchpotato

   

Laundry

Posted on Wednesday, February 20th, 2008

Dave!Weird. Neighborhood dogs are barking at the eclipse and won't stop.

Can't say that I blame them. The lunar eclipse is approaching its zenith, and is starting to reveal the moon as this giant blood-red disc. It's breathtakingly beautiful, and I have a clear-skies view of it all.

Unfortunately, I don't have a camera even remotely capable of capturing the amazing sight out my window. All I get is a fuzzy smear that changes color every time I shoot the moon...

Eclipsed

Anyway...

There's a "meme" of sorts blowing through the blogosphere, where people are making a list of stuff that's irritating the shit out of them. I debated whether or not to participate, but then came the morons at Citibank, with a phone call that went something like this...

CITIBANK: In order to assist you, I'll need your Social Security Number.
   
DAVE: Ummm... I'm calling about a credit card you sent me that I didn't request. I'm not going to give out personal information until you tell me why it was sent.
   
CITIBANK: Then I can't help you.
   
DAVE: Then please connect me to a supervisor.
   
CITIBANK: I cannot connect you to a supervisor until you give me your Social Security Number.
   
DAVE: Are you KIDDING me? I'm not giving you my Social Security Number! How do I know that you're actually Citibank?
   
CITIBANK: YOU called US from a number on the back of the card! Who else would we be?
   
DAVE: No. I called a number from the back of a card that I didn't request that could easily be a forgery in some elaborate attempt at identity theft.
   
CITIBANK: I am NOT able to help you until you give me your Social Security Number!
   
DAVE: Then you WILL put me through to a supervisor... and don't tell me you won't do it without my Social Security Number, because this is a serious situation and I am not taking "no" for an answer. This is a card that YOU sent me that I DID NOT REQUEST!! Don't make this be MY problem.
   
CITIBANK: I'm putting you through to security.

Then I had to go through the shit all over again, until the security guy finally told me that the account had been cancelled. But I'm still enraged that Citibank is so fucking stupid to treat people like this when identity theft is running rampant now-a-days. You would think that they would take something like this very seriously, and be more realistic about the information they require to handle something so critical. If somebody tells you that you've sent a credit card they never requested, you don't need a Social Security Number to investigate the situation. Dumbasses. Citibank's horrendously idiotic policy has me so floored that I am still deciding whether or not to take this up with VISA International.

And now, while I'm at it, here's some blog-related crap that I'm going to get off of my chest. Of course, none of this is about YOU, so don't worry about it. Unless, of course, it really is you...

• Don't Assume I Don't Have Family, Friends, or Relationships...
It's strange how some people believe that just because I choose not to write about something, it doesn't exist. And no matter how many times I try to make it clear that I don't discuss these subjects, it doesn't stop people from telling me that I need a girlfriend... or need to get laid... or that I'm lonely... or whatever. The truth is that they just don't know anything about this stuff unless they know me personally. To imply otherwise is just stupid.

• Don't Be Pissed Because I Won't Tell You About My Work or Personal Life...
Some people think that even though I don't talk about certain subjects in my blog, that I'm perfectly happy to reveal absolutely anything they want to know via email. When I write back and explain that I don't talk about my work or personal life with people who are not my friends or family, they tend to get upset. Apparently, these people feel that if they read Blogography every day, this entitles them access to all aspects of my life... no matter how private. Well, I have news for them, it doesn't.

• Don't Insist I Give A Crap About Your Abusive Ass...
When people email or comment only to be an ass, they might as well not comment at all. Disagreeing with me is fine, I respect the opinions of others and feel that diversity is what makes life interesting. But being an abusive dumbass flamer troll is an annoyance that I'm not willing to deal with (other than to click the delete button).

• Don't Think That I Feel I'm Better Than You...
This is the one that really bothers me. Every once in a while, I'll get an email from somebody who thinks that the reason I blog about my travels and the cool things I get to do is because I'm bragging or something. This is just silly. I blog about the crap that's happening in my life. So if I'm traveling, that's what I'm going to write about. If I were bragging or implying that I was superior because of it, I'd start each entry with "HA HA FUCKERS! GUESS WHERE I AM AT AND YOU'RE NOT?!? SUCKS TO BE YOU, LOSER!!" Believe me, I know how lucky I am that I get to see and do the stuff I get to see and do. But I also work very hard and make a lot of sacrifices to get there, so the last thing I'm going to do is "brag" about it.

And, on that note... HA HA FUCKERS! I'm off to book my flights and hotels for next month.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  41 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Sculpey

Posted on Friday, February 22nd, 2008

Dave!Blaaaaaaaargh.

I spent all night trying to post a guest-entry over at Mr. Fab's blog, Pointless Drivel (probably Not Safe For Work... or anything else, for that matter), but nothing I tried would work.

Stupid WordPress.

Oh well. Assuming that somebody can help me get it posted tomorrow, there's big fun with Sculpey modeling clay over there...

Sculpey Lil' Dave

I've never played with Sculpey before, and was shocked at how difficult it is to make stuff out of it. Everything I tried to build just ended up looking like a big ol' mess.

Guess I'll be sticking with my computer from here on out...

UPDATE... Thanks to Shelli and her kick-ass admin privileges, my post is now up...

   

Tabloid

Posted on Thursday, March 6th, 2008

Dave!Today was a wacky day of catching up on work and trying to arrange travel plans for another three trips I've got coming up.

And looking over Apple's FREE iPhone Software Development Kit (or SDK) which was released this morning. If you're not a programmer, it can be somewhat technical and boring, but you can watch His Holiness Steve Jobs describe what's going on via QuickTime here (the demo hotness starts just over half-way through). Suffice to say... I am completely blown away. I simply did not anticipate that the SDK would be so refined, polished, and powerful. Developers are going to be FLOCKING to the iPhone, which means iPhone users are in for some incredibly cool stuff come June when the 2.0 software upgrade drops. I have some concerns about required distribution through the iTunes Music Store (though if you give your stuff away for free, there's no charge once you've paid the $99 developer fee), but overall I am very, very excited. iPhone is going to OWN the mobile market... sweet!

Anyway, somewhere along the day, I was asked to make a fake "tabloid magazine" prop for a play that's being put on at the High School. It's fun doing wacky stuff like this from time to time...

Strange But True!
I would so totally buy this!

And now for another installment of Response to Hate-Mail...

Dear Dumbass,
Thank you for your wonderful email chastising me for "showing disrespect to The Queen of England" (from this entry, I'm guessing). A few points... #1: Her Majesty is not the "Queen of England," but instead constitutional monarch (The Queen) of the United Kingdom of Great Britain & Northern Ireland, and Head of the Commonwealth. There hasn't been a "Queen of England" since 1603. Since your IP address is actually located in England, I can only express my sadness that your educational system is apparently as bad as ours here in the USA. #2: I have nothing but the upmost respect for Her Majesty, and wouldn't dream of showing her any disrespect. If wanting to be her friend is disrespectful, then this world is in deeper trouble than I thought. #3: I've read a couple biographies of The Queen, and actually admire Her Majesty for taking on a job she never asked for and performing it to the best of her abilities. Her Majesty has led an exemplary life in service, has done so with dignity and devotion to her people, and deserves nothing but respect for it. I know I'll demand nothing less when I'm king of the world, so fuck you for implying I feel otherwise...

Dave King

Good night... I love you my Apple iPhone!

   

Bun

Posted on Saturday, March 8th, 2008

Dave!Oops. I made an entry yesterday but forgot to set it to "publish" while I was trying to fix stuff on my blog. Better late than never, I suppose.

The thing about messing around with your blog template is that it's a never-ending battle. There's always One More Thing that you want to fix or change, and you can go positively insane trying to get it all figured out. I've been working on an iPhone template off-and-on for weeks and don't feel any closer to finishing it than when I started. It doesn't help that Movable Type has crappy documentation for the complicated new template structure introduced in version 4. Oh well. It's just a matter of finding spare time to sit down and rip through the learning curve via the infamous "trial-and-error" method.

Alas, spare time is always in short supply, so everything sits unfinished.

Though I did change my header graphic while on a long, boring phone call the other day, so I guess that's something.

Or nothing, depending on how you look at it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I can't blog anymore because Mr. Bun and I have real work to do...

Davebunny
Say goodbye to Mr. Bun! He's off to Iraq next week!

Except when I say "real work" what I actually mean is "go home and read the pile of comic books that arrived in the mail yesterday."

I just hope Mr. Bun doesn't drop his little poop pellets on my Batman books like last time.

UPDATE: My blog is getting hammered by people refreshing to see all the header graphics, so I've made it easier for those wanting to see all fifty headers to see them by following this link.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  36 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Hanged

Posted on Saturday, March 22nd, 2008

Dave!Nothing to see here... move along... move along...


   

   

   

Davechat

   

   

   

   

Piece

Posted on Saturday, April 5th, 2008

Dave!Joining the SnackiePeace Movement...

Monkeypeace

   

   

Fierceness

Posted on Wednesday, April 9th, 2008

Dave!Thanks to everybody who has been leaving comments and sending me e-cards while I've been sick. It's nice to be so beloved by the blogosphere.

Well, maybe not "beloved," but at least "well-liked."

Anyway... for everybody who tuned into The Jester Show expecting to hear me there last Wednesday, I'm sorry you only got ten minutes of Dave-time. I had to be rushed to the hospital so I could scream and cry in a room full of complete strangers. Which, when you think about it, is a lot like appearing on The Jester Show... except Jester isn't there and nobody is recording it.

Well, now that I have a big bag full of pain-killing drugs to keep me somewhat sane, Jester has kindly agreed to have me on again tonight. If you don't mind all kinds of not-appropriate-for-children talk, I invite you to join me at The Jester Show tonight at 7:00pm Pacific, 10:00pm Eastern on BlogTalk Radio...

The Jester Show!

When you combine my 20% gay fierceness with Jester's 100% gay fierceness, that's 120% gay fierceness all in one radio show, which just might exceed the BlogTalk Radio standards for overall gay fierceness...

Dave Fierce 20%

For more about my appearance on The Jester Show, you can read my Blogography entry from last week.

And now, if you'll excuse me, there's a bottle of pills calling my name.

Errr...

But while I am still in a pain-induced cranky mood, is it just me... or is this the stupidest fucking BlogHer Conference ad ever...

Stupid Blogher08 Ad

"What happens at BlogHer stays at Blogher?"

Oh really?

Bull-fucking-shit.

What happens at BlogHer will be written about in no less than 1000 blogs ("OH MY GAWD... DOOCE IS HERE!!!"). Every tiny possible BlogHer detail will be posted on Twitter ("OH MY GAWD... I JUST SAW DOOCE!!!"). Flickr will be busting at the seams with BlogHer photos ("OH MY GAWD... HERE'S A PHOTO OF DOOCE WALKING INTO THE BATHROOM!!!). There will be BlogHer podcasts ("OH MY GAWD... IF YOU LISTEN CAREFULLY, YOU CAN HEAR DOOCE DROPPING A DUECE!!!"). YouTube will be overrun with BlogHer video ("OH MY GAWD... HERE WE ARE CHASING DOOCE IN THE PARKING LOT!!!"). For three days in July, I can assure you that the shit happening at BlogHer is not going to be staying at BlogHer, it's going to be posted to the internet in every conceivable way.

Which is kind of the point, isn't it?

But I guess if BlogHer wants to trot out that tired old "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" rhetoric (which would have been somewhat excusable if the conference actually took place in Vegas instead of San Francisco), then more power to them. Perhaps enticing ladies to attend by making them think they're going to have some dirty little weekend away from the husband/kids/whatever is how they sell tickets. I just find it sad that a network built to empower women on the internet has to resort to such an obvious sexist cliche as "girls weekend away."

Even sadder is that I won't be attending BlogHer so that I can hook-up with all these ladies who arrive expecting a dirty little weekend away from their husband and kids.

Unless they're showing up expecting to hook up with each other, in which case I really regret that I won't be attending BlogHer.

Or that I don't own a video camera and work for "Girls Gone Wild."

   

Blogiversary 5: DAY ONE

Posted on Monday, April 21st, 2008

Dave!Seriously... five years? FIVE YEARS?

I already rehashed the early history of Blogography for Blogiversary 2, which you can read here, so I won't be going into all that again. I did consider reinventing my history with colorful lies so it would be more interesting, but my early entries suck so bad that nobody would believe it.

In any event I have been blogging for five years now, and that's reason to celebrate!

Blogiversary 5 Banner

Just like my previous Kick-Ass Blogiversary Celebrations, I'll be giving away hundreds of dollars worth of booty (along with a few surprises) over the next four days, so be sure to check back and enter! Here's the schedule of events...

Blogiversary Five Timeline

Unfortunately, past experience has taught me that there are always dumbasses who try to spoil things, so I am compelled to waste the first day of my Blogiversary posting a bunch of rules so I can (hopefully) anticipate any ass-hattery that might ensue from giving away free stuff. Have fun with that!

OFFICIAL BLOGOGRAPHY KICK-ASS BLOGIVERSARY 5 CELEBRATION CONTEST RULES...

  • All four contests are open to everybody but, in order to reward my regular commenters, some contests require you to answer a set of questions about Blogography if you don't have a minimum number of comments. It works like this...
    • Everybody who enters for the day's prizes has their name added to a hat.
    • I draw a name out of the hat for each prize.
    • If the drawn name has the required number of comments, they win the prize.
    • If the drawn name doesn't have the required number of comments, their answers to the questions are graded. If they didn't answer the questions, their name is discarded and I draw again. If they didn't get enough answers correct, their name is discarded and I draw again.
    • I don't keep track of how many comments you leave, and won't check unless your name is drawn for a prize. If you need to find out, you can always use my search page. Just type in the name you comment under and select "Search Comments Only" from the drop-down box. When in doubt, answer the questions... you aren't penalized for doing so.
  • Each daily Grand Prize has world-wide shipping included. Runner-up prizes do not include shipping charges, and you'll have to pay the exact shipping costs to collect your winnings. PLEASE NOTE: At no time are duties and taxes included in the prize! If you live in a country which levies duties and taxes on inbound foreign shipments, you have to pay them.
  • All prizes are awarded at my discretion and all my decisions as to awarding them are final. That being said, I don't cheat. Whoever wins, wins (unless they die, change their mind, or don't respond back when I notify them).
  • Most prizes are NOT available for immediate shipment because this is all custom-manufactured merchandise! I do not order new stuff until it has been pre-sold for a minimum of three weeks (so I know how much stuff to order). Merchandise is usually created and arrives at the end of May and is available for shipment in June. So if you are expecting immediate shipment of your winnings after Blogiversary 5 Week, please don't bother entering. I will make every effort to send the prizes exactly as described or shown. However, if due to unforeseen circumstances I am forced to make a substitution, I reserve the right to do so. Sorry, but winners are not allowed to request a cash prize or make substitutions.
  • Winners will be announced here on Sunday, April 27th using their first name and last initial. If you would prefer to be identified by a nick-name, it's not a problem... just let me know when you send in your entry. Winners will be notified via the return email address in their entry (please make sure your address is valid!).
  • All contests are void where prohibited or illegal. If you live in such a place, you really should move to someplace that's more fun. :-)

And now, on with the show...

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  83 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Blogiversary 5: DAY TWO

Posted on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

Dave!THIS CONTEST HAS CLOSED! LOOK FOR THE WINNERS ON APRIL 27th!!

I started creating T-shirts for my blog because I wanted them for me. It was never my intention that anybody else would wear them. I'm selfish that way. But after writing about my idea, I found out that many of my readers wanted the T-shirts too, so I created my first T-shirt on the occasion of my first blogiversary. It was a simple design with Lil' Dave in a box with "Blogography" printed below it, and I ended up selling 26 of them. Given the number of readers I had at the time, this was a huge success, so I decided to do a new design when Blogiversary II came around... this time with Bad Monkey on it. I sold 51 shirts, almost double what I had done the year before. I remember being dumbfounded, because I didn't even know that I had 51 readers.

A tradition was born. Every year there would be a new Blogography T-shirt. For Blogiversary III, sales more than tripled to 170. Last year I released four new designs and ended up selling and giving away almost 400 shirts. Insanity.

Part of the reason the shirts are so successful is because they are quality screen-printed with fun designs.

But mostly they're popular because they're cheap. I sell the shirts at a price that's just enough to cover my costs (though last year I did a bad job of estimating foreign postage and ended up losing several hundred dollars!). I'd rather sell my shirts as inexpensively as I can so everybody can afford them. It's more fun that doing it for the money.

Anyway, since everybody did such a great job of helping to pick a design last year, I'm going to put it up for a vote again this year. Not only is it helpful to know what everybody wants, but it allows me to keep prices cheap since I can order in larger quantities. I originally gave all voters a $10 off coupon so they could get a cheap shirt... but response was so great that I was able to offer the $10 off all year long! Hopefully I can offer good discounts again this year.

Here are the selections you can vote on...

Blogiversary 5 Shirts

Hmmm... that's a little small. Let's try zooming in...

Shirt #1: BAD MONKEY GYM.

Bad Monkey Gym

Shirt #2: BAD MONKEY GIANT HEAD.

Bad Monkey Head

Shirt #3: FINE READING.

Fine Reading Since 2005!

Shirt #4: RED WAGON.

Red Wagon

Shirt #5: MONKEY PEACE.

Monkey Peace

Shirt #6: MONKEY BUTTON.

Monkey Button

And now for today's prizes!

GRAND PRIZE DRAWING...
   
B3 ShirtThree Artificial Duck T-Shirts ($51 value). Yep, that's right, get any three shirts you like from the Artificial Duck Store... keep them for yourself, or give them out as gifts that will impress those lucky people you deem worthy of wearing them!
   
B3 ShirtSix Sets of DuckyButtons ($24 value). Pick any six sets you like, or create your own 5-button sets. DuckyButtons are sure to bring a smile to your face... or to anybody else's you meet when you wear them. And since you're getting 30 buttons, that's a month's worth of sweet wearable art to wear and share!
   
B3 ShirtTwenty-Five Custom-Made DuckyButtons with Your Design ($25 value). Email us any one design or photo you like, and we'll turn it into 25 beautiful custom buttons of your very own! Use them to promote your blog, impress your friends, or distribute wearable pictures of your cat... so long as it isn't copyrighted, we'll make buttons from whatever you want!
   
B3 ShirtWorld-Wide Shipping (up to $35 value). No matter where you live on planet earth, rest assured you won't have to pay a dime to claim your prize because shipping is included.

And that's not all, today you also have twenty other chances to win...

RUNNER-UP PRIZE DRAWING (TWENTY WINNERS!)...
   
One Artificial Duck T-Shirts ($17 value). Twenty lucky readers will be able to pick any shirt they like from the Artificial Duck Store, and be happy knowing that they'll be wearing a T-shirt that makes them at least 10% hotter the minute they put it on!
   
One Set of DuckyButtons ($4 value). Your choice of one set of super-sweet DuckyButtons in whatever designs you like to wear and share!
   
SHIPPING NOT INCLUDED! YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY EXACT SHIPPING CHARGES TO COLLECT YOUR WINNINGS!

AND NOW FOR THE RULES...
Everybody can enter! There's no minimum number of comments you have to leave in order to have a chance at winning. All other rules specified on Day One apply. Please remember that shipping charges are ONLY included with the Grand Prize. Winners are responsible for all duties and taxes that might apply.

HOW TO ENTER...
THIS CONTEST HAS CLOSED! LOOK FOR THE WINNERS ON APRIL 27th!!

PLEASE NOTE...
As with all of the new Blogography stuff presented this week, the shirts will be printed sometime in May for Delivery in June. This will give me time to accept pre-orders and figure out how many pieces I'll need to have printed. Winners will be announced on Bullet Sunday 79 on April 27th, and the Artificial Duck Store will reopen at that time so everybody who wants to buy stuff can get their orders in.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  53 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Blogiversary 5: DAY THREE

Posted on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

Dave!HATS, BITCH!

THIS CONTEST HAS CLOSED! LOOK FOR THE WINNERS ON APRIL 27th!!

A long time ago (9 months) in a galaxy far, far away (Atlanta, Georgia), I met up with fellow blogger Copasetic Beth for THE event in the South last year: Davelanta. We had big fun touring the infamous World of Coke Without Lime, but the best part was when Beth gave me a beautifully embroidered hat she made featuring DaveDevil inviting the world to "Try Evil."

I love that hat.

It has been my faithful companion as I travel the globe, keeping my head warm, my messy hair hidden, and my life complete...

Davetriesevil

Everybody else seems to like my hat too. This was made perfectly clear to me when some bastard tried to steal it while I was waiting at an airport. Of course, this meant he had to die. But then I remembered that I'm not quite that evil, so I had to let him go. Though I do remember hoping he died of shame after I was finished screaming at him.

And so... when it came time to think up prizes for Blogiversary 5, this choice was obvious. All I had to do was threaten bribe beg ask Beth if she'd be willing to make them for me. Luckily she said yes, and so I came up with three new styles I liked, meaning I'll be offering four styles total in the Artificial Duck Co. Store...

Hats Champion

Hats Designs

The hat Beth gave me is a super-high-quality Champion® 6-panel brushed cotton twill cap with adjustable strap. It's so comfy to wear that I wouldn't dream of selling anything else. And, needless to say, the embroidery is top-notch... beautifully stitched in painstaking detail. Make no mistake, these are one fashion accessory you can't live without!

And now for today's prizes!

GRAND PRIZE DRAWING...
   
B5 Dave HatThree Artificial Duck Embroidered Hats ($57 value). Sweet! Today's winner gets to snag three new hats from the Artificial Duck Store... keep them for yourself, or give them out as gifts that will impress those lucky people you deem worthy of wearing them!
   
B3 ShirtSix Sets of DuckyButtons ($24 value). Pick any six sets you like, or create your own 5-button sets. DuckyButtons are sure to bring a smile to your face... or to anybody else's you meet when you wear them. And since you're getting 30 buttons, that's a month's worth of sweet wearable art to wear and share!
   
B3 ShirtTwenty-Five Custom-Made DuckyButtons with Your Design ($25 value). Email us any one design or photo you like, and we'll turn it into 25 beautiful custom buttons of your very own! Use them to promote your blog, impress your friends, or distribute wearable pictures of your cat... so long as it isn't copyrighted, we'll make buttons from whatever you want!
   
B3 ShirtWorld-Wide Shipping (up to $35 value). No matter where you live on planet earth, rest assured you won't have to pay a dime to claim your prize because shipping is included.

And that's not all, today you also have four other chances to win...

RUNNER-UP PRIZE DRAWING (FOUR WINNERS!)...
   
One Artificial Duck Embroidered Hat ($19 value). Four lucky readers will be able to pick whatever hat they like from the Artificial Duck Store, becoming the envy of everybody they meet every time they wear it!
   
One Set of DuckyButtons ($4 value). Your choice of one set of super-sweet DuckyButtons in whatever designs you like to wear and share!
   
SHIPPING NOT INCLUDED! YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY EXACT SHIPPING CHARGES TO COLLECT YOUR WINNINGS!

AND NOW FOR THE RULES...
If you've left ten comments* at Blogography between April 30th, 2007 and April 19th, 2008, just send an email to the address in the next section and you're entered! If you haven't left ten comments, you'll need to answer five of the six questions below in your entry in order to qualify...

NOTE: All answers to today's questions can be found on this entry (click to see it).

  • Which musical artist inspires me to sing in the shower?
  • Which of my fellow bloggers shames me into eating a healthy banana for breakfast?
  • Which restaurant was I eating at when a gum-smacking whore stood in line behind me?
  • Which comic strip character is my favorite of all time?
  • Which person would I most like to beat severely with a baseball bat?
  • Which childhood career ambition did I have to put on hold because of hemaphobia?

*If you need to confirm how many comments you've left, you can always use my search page. Just type in the name you comment under and select "Search Comments Only" from the drop-down box. When in doubt, answer the questions... you aren't penalized for doing so. If you can't get a count, think you have 10 comments, and really don't want to answer the questions, send me an email and I'll search for your comment count via your email address.

HOW TO ENTER...

THIS CONTEST HAS CLOSED! LOOK FOR THE WINNERS ON APRIL 27th!!

PLEASE NOTE...
As with all of the new Blogography stuff presented this week, the hats will be made sometime in May for Delivery in June. This will give me time to accept pre-orders and figure out how many pieces I'll need to have embroidered. Winners will be announced on Bullet Sunday 79 on April 27th, and the Artificial Duck Store will reopen at that time so everybody who wants to buy stuff can get their orders in.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  33 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Blogiversary 5: DAY FOUR

Posted on Thursday, April 24th, 2008

Dave!THIS CONTEST HAS CLOSED! LOOK FOR THE WINNERS ON APRIL 27th!!

For as long as I can remember, I've been a big-time game fan. Card games, board games, video games... I love them all. I enjoy them so much that I've even created my own games over the years, either by modifying existing games or coming up with something all my own.

When thinking up ideas for Blogiversary 5, it seemed only natural that I take my love of games to the next level and develop one for Blogography. Unfortunately, after six months of effort, my game is still needing a lot of work (maybe it will be ready for Blogiversary 6!). But I still wanted to do something game-related, so I decided to instead create my own deck of Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey playing cards!

But these won't be some cheap-ass cards you won't want to play with... no way! Blogography cards are being printed on casino-quality black-core paper stock with a pro-dealer protective coating. The sample deck I ordered shuffles like a dream and deals like butter! They're perfect for adding a whole new level of coolness to a Texas Hold 'Em tournament, and a great way to spice up your next card game.

Each and every card features an entirely new piece of custom artwork, created specially for this deck. The face cards have Lil' Dave dressed up as kings, queens, and jacks, each rendered in an individual style. As if that weren't enough, careful attention to detail ensures that when you call out "one-eyed jacks and suicide kings are wild!" that the proper jacks have one eye and the correct kings are totally suicidal. This isn't just a cutesy novelty, but a fully-playable deck that's suitable for serious card players...

Blogography Face Cards

But just because you can play a serious game with the cards doesn't mean you can't have a little fun too! Each number card features Bad Monkey in an illustration from four different genres: Sci-Fi (Spades), Romance (Hearts), Horror (Clubs), and Adventure (Diamonds). When you put the cards in order, they tell a story...

Blogography Number Cards

Whoa! Things aren't looking too good for our monkey heroes! I wonder how they get out of this mess? The stunning conclusion can be found on cards 7 through 10!

At this point I'd think it was painfully obvious that you simply must own a couple decks of Blogography Playing Cards, which is why I'm giving some away! Check out today's fabulous prizes...

And now for today's prizes!

GRAND PRIZE DRAWING...
   
B5 CardsSix decks of Blogography Playing Cards ($42 value). A half-dozen freshly-printed decks are yours, each card featuring an original DaveToon drawing. Host a Texas Hold 'Em Poker Tourney and be the envy of all your friends! Also makes a great gift!
   
B3 ShirtBad Monkey Joker Print ($15 value). Add class to any room in your home! We've taken the Joker card from the Blogography Playing Cards deck, enlarged it, then reproduced it with pigment inks on archival paper for a nifty print that's suitable for framing!
   
B3 ShirtSix Sets of DuckyButtons ($24 value). Pick any six sets you like, or create your own 5-button sets. DuckyButtons are sure to bring a smile to your face... or to anybody else's you meet when you wear them. And since you're getting 30 buttons, that's a month's worth of sweet wearable art to wear and share!
   
B3 ShirtWorld-Wide Shipping (up to $35 value). No matter where you live on planet earth, rest assured you won't have to pay a dime to claim your prize because shipping is included.

And that's not all, today you also have four other chances to win...

RUNNER-UP PRIZE DRAWING (FOUR WINNERS!)...
   
Two decks of Blogography Playing Cards ($14 value). Four lucky people will get two decks of cards... one to play with and another to share with a friend (or keep them both if you're greedy!).
   
One Set of DuckyButtons ($4 value). Your choice of one set of super-sweet DuckyButtons in whatever designs you like to wear and share!
   
SHIPPING NOT INCLUDED! YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY EXACT SHIPPING CHARGES TO COLLECT YOUR WINNINGS!

AND NOW FOR THE RULES...
If you've left ten comments at Blogography between April 18th, 2007 and April 19th, 2008, just send an email to the address below and you're entered! If you haven't left ten comments, you'll need to answer five of these six questions in your entry in order to qualify...

NOTE: All answers to today's questions can be found on my 100 QUESTIONS page.

  • In what city was I first held up at knife-point?
  • What year did I first listen to my favorite band?
  • Who makes the best apple pie on earth?
  • What is my favorite computer model of all time?
  • In what year did I become a vegetarian?
  • What's my favorite book?

*If you need to confirm how many comments you've left, you can always use my search page. Just type in the name you comment under and select "Search Comments Only" from the drop-down box. When in doubt, answer the questions... you aren't penalized for doing so. If you can't get a count, think you have 10 comments, and really don't want to answer the questions, send me an email and I'll search for your comment count via your email address.

HOW TO ENTER...

THIS CONTEST HAS CLOSED! LOOK FOR THE WINNERS ON APRIL 27th!!

PLEASE NOTE...
As with all of the new Blogography stuff presented this week, the cards will be printed sometime in May for Delivery in June. This will give me time to accept pre-orders and figure out how many pieces I'll need to have printed. Winners will be announced on Bullet Sunday 79 on April 27th, and the Artificial Duck Store will reopen at that time so everybody who wants to buy stuff can get their orders in.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  53 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Blogiversary 5: DAY FIVE

Posted on Friday, April 25th, 2008

Dave!THIS CONTEST HAS CLOSED! LOOK FOR THE WINNERS ON APRIL 27th!!

Yikes! We're already at the final contest of Blogography's Kick-Ass Blogiversary 5 Celebration!

Of all the reasons I enjoy blogging, getting to meet my readers in person has to be my favorite. That's why I've made an effort to organize blogger meets whenever I can, and created such events as "Davecago," "Davelanta," and "Davelando" (among others), so I can meet as many people as possible...

Dave Event Lanyards

Today you might notice that I've added a new section to my Tab Bar above. It's called "event," and will keep track of all the blogger meets I've devised so I can visit with my readers in Real Life...

Dave Event Tab

But the page isn't as full as I'd like it to be.

Which is why today's contest is designed to fill it up a bit more...

Dave Event Poster

That's right... for this final contest, I'll create a "Dave Event" as close to where the winner lives as possible (almost anywhere... see the rules below). I'll treat you to lunch or dinner, and we can invite any other Blogography readers who might be in the area (they have to pay their own way though!) so we can all hang out and chat.

And as if basking in my glory wasn't reason enough to covet this prize, I'll be showing up with a big box of Blogography goodies...

B3 ShirtFour Artificial Duck T-Shirts ($68 value). Any four shirts you like from the Artificial Duck Store... keep them for yourself, or give them out as gifts you'll know they'll treasure forever!
   
B5 CardsFour decks of Blogography Playing Cards ($28 value). Four freshly-printed decks are yours, each card featuring an original DaveToon drawing. Host a Texas Hold 'Em Poker Tourney and be the envy of all your friends!
   
B3 ShirtSix Sets of DuckyButtons ($24 value). Pick any six sets you like, or create your own 5-button sets. DuckyButtons are sure to bring a smile to your face... or to anybody else's you meet when you wear them. And since you're getting 30 buttons, that's a month's worth of sweet wearable art to wear and share!
   
B3 ShirtTwenty-Five Custom-Made DuckyButtons with Your Design ($25 value). Email us any one design or photo you like, and we'll turn it into 25 beautiful custom buttons of your very own! Use them to promote your blog, impress your friends, or distribute wearable pictures of your cat... so long as it isn't copyrighted, we'll make buttons from whatever you want!
   
B3 ShirtA Custom DaveToon Print Created Just for You (priceless!). That's right... personalized DaveToons are a rare thing since I barely have time enough to draw them for my own blog... but just because I like you, I'll create a new toon just for you, then print it on archival paper with pigment inks so it's suitable for framing.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS...

Is this a joke?
Nope!

That's quite an ego you got there... why in the hell would anybody want to meet you?
I dunno, but feel free not to enter the contest.

Really? You'll fly anywhere?
Well, almost anywhere. Here are the conditions...

  • Your local airport is served by Northwest Airlines.
  • Your location isn't dangerous for me or going to get me killed.
  • U.S. citizens are permitted to travel to your location, and there are no visa restrictions.
  • Contests like this are not prohibited by the laws of your location.

Surely you won't travel to meet me if I live outside the USA!
Actually, I will travel to meet you outside of the USA, so long as the above conditions are met. If you take a look at my travel map, you'll see I'm no stranger to foreign travel. I'm flying on airline miles and lodging with hotel points, so it doesn't make any difference where I go.

How do I know if my local airport is served by Northwest Airlines?
You can check the list maintained at Wikipedia by clicking here.

I live outside the USA and Northwest Airlines doesn't fly to my country... can I still enter? It's possible that one of Northwest's partner airlines can get me there on airline miles, so please send me an email and I'll check.

I live in a small town that doesn't have airport... can I still enter?
Yes, but you would have to make your way to a city served by Northwest Airlines in order to claim your prize from me personally. Sorry about that, but I really can't make time to rent a car, take a train, hop on a bus, or endure whatever other expenses required to show up at your doorstep.

There simply isn't an airport I can get to which you will fly to... can I still enter?
Sure. But I'll have to send you your prize in the mail.

When will you deliver the prize?
I'll have to work that out with the winner, but it will probably be in July, August or September since I should have the new merchandise by then. As anybody who has read my blog for any length of time already knows, my schedule is complex and very tight, but I'm sure I'll find a way to squeeze it in. Of course, if I can't come to an agreement with the winner, I reserve the right to send the prize in the mail as a last resort.

Where will we meet?
Well, if there's a Hard Rock Cafe handy, that's my location of choice! If not, it's no big deal, we'll figure out a public place (probably a restaurant) to meet.

What if Northwest Airlines goes bankrupt or something?
As with all prizes being given away during Blogiversary 5, awarding of prizes is solely at my discretion. If circumstances outside my control conspire to prevent me from delivering the prize then there's nothing I can do about it, and will have to come up with something else or (worst case scenario) eliminate the prize.

What if I don't have a blog... can I still enter?
Of course! A blog is not required to win the prize... this contest is open to all Blogography readers.

What if I've already met you or have already attended a Dave Event?
It doesn't matter if we've met or not... I'd be glad to see you again if you won!

   

HOW TO ENTER...
Since this is such a monumentally different prize than usual, the rules are a little different. Instead of getting a single entry into the contest, readers can get multiple "tickets" to enter. The more tickets you have in the hat, the better your chances of winning. But how do you get tickets? I'm glad you asked!

THIS CONTEST HAS CLOSED! LOOK FOR THE WINNERS ON APRIL 27th!!

I will search through all my comments between April 18th, 2007 and April 19th, 2008. The number of comments you've left gets you tickets...

  • 15-25 Comments = 1 ticket
  • 25-50 Comments = 2 tickets
  • 51-100 Comments = 3 tickets
  • 100+ Comments = 4 tickets

IMPORTANT: I will be searching for your comments using your EMAIL ADDRESS. So if you've used multiple email addresses to comment in the past year, please let me know so I can be sure to get an accurate count!

But what if you don't have 15 comments? Or what if you have 15 comments, but want better odds of winning? No problem! If you answer 10 of the following 12 questions correctly, you'll get a ticket!

HINT: If you don't know the answers, you'll have to work for it! Try using the search box that can be found in the sidebar of every Blogography page! ALSO... the first ten answers can be found on entries from my Best Of section.

  1. In the DaveToon Heroes Collectible Card Game, what attack does Dave-Devil use to crush his foes?
  2. If you were to purchase a box of D•A•V•E brand condoms, how would they be scented?
  3. What was the cause of the "CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!" noise that caused me to go ballistic while eating breakfast at McDonalds after complaining about the McWeather?
  4. On the "Elizabeth Hurley Scale of Hotness," what comes directly after Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry?
  5. After shooting 232 photos at Bryce Canyon, how many of those was I able to toss out?
  6. What is located at the very top of "Dave Monument"... a fifty-story tall Italian marble statue I want to build to honor myself once I've become Ruler of Earth and annexed Mt. Rainier National Park?
  7. In DaveLand, the "Daviest Place on Earth," how many jets of water pulse through the laser tag arena of the "Splashabout Laser Killers" ride?
  8. When Steve Jobs introduced the iToast Toaster with built-in iPod functionality, how many songs did I report it would hold?
  9. What is it that distracts the worker at the salad processing plant, resulting in the creation of Penis Salad?
  10. After being inspired by Byron Barton's book "Airport," I decided to write my own children's book. What was Bad Monkey smuggling that caused him to get caught by airport security in the story?
  11. What score do you get if you answer all questions correctly on the DaveQ Test?
  12. What was the name of the dog in Blogography's "A VERY LEGO HOLIDAY TALE?"

Good luck!

PLEASE NOTE...
As with all of the new Blogography stuff presented this week, these prizes will be made sometime in May for Delivery in June. This will give me time to accept pre-orders and figure out how many pieces I'll need to have made. Winners will be announced on Bullet Sunday 79 on April 27th, and the Artificial Duck Store will reopen at that time so everybody who wants to buy stuff can get their orders in.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  37 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Blogiversary 5: INTERLUDE

Posted on Saturday, April 26th, 2008

Dave!First of all, thanks to everybody who has been kind enough to take time to participate in Blogiversary 5. A lot of work went into everything, and it's nice to know people are enjoying it.

When I built the "Dave Events Page" for my tab bar, it was a last-minute idea that came together at 2:00am one sleepless night. I felt I pretty much had to create it in order to show that yesterday's contest was real. People could easily assume it was some kind of scam or whatnot, and I thought that if I showed all the other events I've been to, then linked to people who could vouch for me, it might seem a little less crazy. Traveling to meet my readers and other bloggers is nothing new in my universe, but seems very strange to most people.

As you can imagine, compiling such a complex list that spans four years is no easy task. Especially at 2:00am.

Mistakes were made.

Many, many, mistakes.

Not only did I miss people, but entire events as well. Not to mention all the bad links.

So... the page has been updated continuously since 5:00pm yesterday as people email me corrections and I spot errors. I've also added a section for other "blogger events" I've attended (like Avitable's Halloween Party and TequilaCon) so nobody get's left out. If you want to know how or where I met the good people in my sidebar, I'm hoping they are all accounted for now!

And speaking of the contest...

For my faithful Australian readers heartbroken because Northwest Airlines doesn't service their fine country... I have news. Turns out I CAN make it to Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, and sometimes Cairns by using miles to book on Korean Airlines. So feel free to enter the contest, as this would be just the excuse I need to finally visit Australia...

Davestralia

See you tomorrow when all winners will be revealed!

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  29 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Blogiversary 5: WINNERS!

Posted on Sunday, April 27th, 2008

Dave!Well then... that was a hoot, wasn't it? Except when I was unloading up my car just now, got biffed in the face with a box of books, ended up with a bloody nose, and am now sitting here with kleenex shoved up my nostril. Good times.

But before we get to who won what, I'd like to take a minute to thank each and every one of you who come to read the useless crap I post at Blogography each day... whether you're brand new or have been visiting for years. I don't know how I've managed to attract such an amazing group of readers, but I appreciate each of you for wasting your valuable time here. Contests and prizes seem a wholly inadequate way of saying "thanks," but stalker laws forbid me from showing my gratitude otherwise.

Blogiversary 5 Banner

And now... on with the show. I had an uninterested third-party draw names for each contest here except the Grand Prize, which I drew myself...

T-SHIRT CONTEST WINNERS...
   
Grand Prize: The winner of three Artificial Duck Shirts, six sets of DuckyButtons, 25 Custom DuckyButtons, and free world-wide shipping is...
• Atomic Bombshell
   
Runner-Up Prize Winners: The twenty winners of an Artificial Duck Shirt plus a set of DuckyButtons (shipping not included) are...
• Hello Ha Ha Narf
• Andy H.
• Jeffrey W.
• By Jane
• Poppy Cede
• Cody F.
• Laci C.
• Anthony M.
• Kyra from Shaping My Way
• It's Me Penelope
• Colin B.
• Wes K.
• Sinjin P.
• Kapgar
• Fran H.
• Kilax
• Run Jen Run
• Captain Underpants
• Adena B.
• Emily S.
   
The winning T-shirt designs that we'll be printing for the Artificial Duck Store will be announced when the store re-opens on Monday or Tuesday!

HAT CONTEST WINNERS...
   
Grand Prize: The winner of three Artificial Duck Embroidered Hats, six sets of DuckyButtons, 25 Custom DuckyButtons, and free world-wide shipping is...
• Angela B.
   
Runner-Up Prize Winners: The four winners of an Artificial Duck Embroidered Hat plus a set of DuckyButtons (shipping not included) are...
• Foo Foo
• Jester
• Jake T.
• Neil T.

PLAYING CARD WINNERS...
   
Grand Prize: The winner of six decks of Blogography Playing Cards, a Bad Monkey Joker print, six sets of DuckyButtons, and free world-wide shipping is...
• Long Story Longer
   
Runner-Up Prize Winners: The four winners of two decks of Blogography Playing Cards plus a set of DuckyButtons (shipping not included) are...
• Naomi I.
• Jacki D.
• Amandarin
• Troy D.

DAVE EVENT WINNER...
   
Grand Prize: The winner of a "Dave Event" near them, four Artificial Duck T-shirts, four decks of Blogography Playing Cards, six sets of DuckyButtons, 25 Custom Ducky Buttons, and a personalized Custom DaveToon Print is...
Announced in the video below! (for my valued readers who are deaf, have hearing difficulties, don't have sound, or can't play video, I've added a transcript of the video in an extended entry)...

   

And that's all she wrote! Thanks so much for another great year!

Congratulations to all the winners, and I'm sorry if this year wasn't your year. Maybe next time? Everybody who has won something will be receiving an email explaining how to claim their prizes soon.

IMPORTANT: For anybody who didn't win stuff that they really, really wanted, I will be re-opening the Artificial Duck Store with the new merchandise on either Monday or Tuesday. I'm trying to thank everybody for participating by offering drastically reduced pricing on pre-order merchandise, but a few of my costs are still in negotiation. The minute I'm able to secure the best pricing possible, I'll re-open the store and announce it here on Blogography. Sorry for the delay, but I'm working hard to make sure everything is as inexpensive as possible so that the most people possible can afford to buy it.

Thanks again everybody!

And now on to the video transcript...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  80 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Dinner!

Posted on Tuesday, April 29th, 2008

Dave!Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Still working on the Artificial Duck Co. Store. I've got one more page to build and test before I can go online... probably tomorrow morning (this stuff is complicated!). The good news is that enough people expressed interest in the Blogography Playing Cards that I doubled my order and got some pretty sweet pricing. Hopefully a lot of people will want to buy them or else I'm going to be sitting on a LOT of cards for a very long time.

In other news... SHIRTS, BITCH!!

The winner (by quite a large margin) was MONKEY BUTTON!!!

Monkey Button

The runner-up (in a much closer race) was BAD MONKEY GYM!!!

Bad Monkey Gym

I will be printing both of them. The "Classic T-Shirts" will be kept in-stock. "Ladies Shirts" will be printed only to cover pre-orders, but not kept in stock. This is because they just don't seem to sell over the long-haul. I get a good enough initial order, but the rest of them just sit on the shelf.

In other good news, I've decided to re-stock ZOMBIES ATE MY BRAIN!!!

Zombies!

Zombies!

Entirely too many people keep asking me when I'm going to get these back in stock, so I've decided to order them with my next print run. I guess it just goes to show... everybody loves zombies!

The problem here is that I don't have enough space to store all these shirts.

So I'm going to put some of the older inventory shirts on close-out at ridiculous prices... $5 for "Classic Shirts" and $4 for "Ladies Shirts" while supplies last. Sure I'm going to lose money, but think of all the closet space I'll free up!

New designs will be on half-price pre-order pricing of $8.50 each (regular $17.00). That's to thank everybody for voting... and also apologize for having to wait until June for shipment.

But there is one small problem.

Usually I do not charge for an order until I ship it. The problem is that Yahoo! (the company who runs my shopping cart) deletes all credit card information after two weeks. If I were to wait until I ship in June, I wouldn't be able to collect the money. So, unfortunately, I'm put in the position of having to charge immediately for all the pre-orders. Hopefully this won't upset people too badly, but I don't really have any other choice.

And there you have it.

Totally sweet, awesome quality stuff at insanely low prices. Could you ask for anything more?

I love my readers entirely too much.

   

TQ2008

Posted on Saturday, May 3rd, 2008

Dave!It was just one night.

But the memories will last a lifetime.


TequilaCon 2008

TequilaCon 2008.

Epic.

Win.

Thanks to everybody for an awesome evening!

Until next year...

   

Bullet Sunday 79

Posted on Sunday, May 4th, 2008

Dave!After skipping Bullet Sunday last week to announce the winners for Blogography's Kick-Ass Fifth Blogiversary Celebration, I'm back and fully loaded in Newark, New Jersey!

• Shop. My apologies for everybody who has been patiently waiting for the Artificial Duck Co. Store to re-open. TequilaCon kind of took priority after I found out that I would have to change all the shipping rates now that the post office is raising prices again. When I get back tomorrow night, I'll get to work on that and (finally) open the store for business. Hopefully you'll find it worth the wait.

• Edgeless. AT&T's "Edge" data network for my iPhone has always been crappy. It's painfully slow. Even worse, you can never tell if your connection has stalled, or is just running slower than usual. But this weekend AT&T reached new depths of f#@%ing shitty service in that there was NO Edge service in downtown Philadelphia all weekend. I can only guess that things keep getting worse because more and more people are buying iPhones and overloading the network, but I don't give a crap about that. I pay a chunk of money every month to have mobile internet access, and AT&T is failing to provide it. If things don't change soon, I smell a lawsuit (if there isn't one underway already). FAIL!!

• New Yorked. The problem with visiting New York City is that there is never enough time to do all the things you want to do. As I am getting ready to leave, I find myself wanting just one more day back in the city. Or a week. Possibly a month. Why oh why can't I have billions of dollars so problems like this weren't an issue?

• Tequila. Ah yes. TequilaCon 2008. It's practically impossible to sum up in a mere bullet point just how awesome an experience it was. Meeting so many bloggers for the first time was cool, of course... but what made this year such an epic success story was how great everybody was. So nice... so friendly... so much fun... such a terrific bunch of people... it was impossible not to feel as if you were amidst long-time friends. Which, of course, many of us already were (albeit virtually). And, by the end of the night, everybody became. I continue to be amazed at how every blogger event I've ever been to has been so fantastic. And TequilaCon 2008 is easily the top of the heap. A huge thank-you to Jenny for pulling it all together again this year. You are amazing...

Jenny at TequilaCon
Jenny celebrates TequilaCon Rockettes' style! We love you Jenny!

• Photogenic. Many of my photos have been uploaded to a set on my Flickr account (which you can find here). Jenny has also set-up a Flickr Group Pool where everybody can upload their photos (which you can find here). If you attended and have photos to share (be kind!), please contribute!

TequilaCon '08
Blue Steel, baby! My brutally hot sexiness cannot be denied!

TequilaCon '08
Dee Dee and I lend a helping-hand to TequilaCon co-founder Brandon!

TequilaCon '08
It's Tequila Man! And, yes, we are all completely sober in this shot!

And now, it's time for bed. Where I am sure to be dreaming about TequilaCon 2009.

   

TequilaQ

Posted on Tuesday, May 6th, 2008

Dave!I've been getting a steady stream of comments and emails from people asking questions about TequilaCon. Since Jenny appears to still be in recovery, I've done my best to answer them.

How did TequilaCon get started?
Jenny gave a brief overview when she announced TequilaCon 2006. In summary, to quote Admiral Ackbar... "IT'S A TRAP!" Jenny tricked two fellow bloggers into meeting her in Chicago.

How many TequilaCons have there been?
Four... Chicago (September 26th, 2005), New York (May 7th, 2006), Portland (March 10th, 2007), and Philadelphia (May 3rd, 2008).

Who decides where TequilaCon is going to be held?
Co-cofounders Jenny and Brandon make the decision in consultation with the Official TequilaCon Planning Posse.

Where is the next TequilaCon going to be?
If Jenny knows, she's not telling! She usually makes a final decision and posts an announcement three months or so before the event so everybody wanting to attend has time to make plans. The location seems to bounce between the East Coast, Mid-West, and West Coast, so I'm guessing next time won't be in the East (since there was just a TequilaCon in Philadelphia).

Any chance for a TequilaCon outside the USA?
I'm guessing no, but never say never! TequilaCon is mostly attended by US bloggers, so having it outside of the US would make it difficult for past TequilaConners to attend. Maybe Jenny and Brandon will decide to have an international "satellite event" in addition to TequilaCon one year but, so far as I know, there are no plans for it.

Is TequilaCon an invitation-only event?
Nope! Anybody can come. All you need to do is send Jenny an email once she opens registration so she knows how many people are going to be there. Watch her blog over at Run Jen Run for news and TequilaCon happenings.

Can I bring my spouse/lover/friend/significant other?
If you think they won't be bored hanging out with bloggers all night, then sure! Be sure to include your +1 when you send Jenny your registration info.

How much does it cost to attend?
To attend the event itself has been free. But your travel expenses, lodging expenses, and any expenses at the event (food, drinks bowling, whatever) are your responsibility.

If I don't have a blog, can I still attend?
If bloggers you'd like to meet are going to be there, then sure!

If I don't drink alcohol, can I still attend? What if I don't like tequila?
Of course you don't have to drink tequila (or any kind of alcohol at all!) to attend. But please keep in mind that this is TEQUILACON and alcohol will be served. Drunken behavior will ensue. If this bothers you, then you may want to reconsider attending... the last thing anybody wants is for you to be uncomfortable.

Why name badge lanyards?
The first TequilaCon I attended (#3 last year) was held at The Kennedy School in Portland, OR. This was an amazing venue for the event, but it's huge. There was some concern that people showing up wouldn't be able to find fellow TequilaConners amongst the crowd of people, so I decided to make name badge lanyards. Once TequilaCon was over, they made a fun memento of the event, so I decided to make them again this year.

A bunch of TequilaCon Badges on lanyards laying on a table.

What's with the buttons?
Lanyards themselves are kind of boring, so I bring lots of button "flair" so people can customize their name badges to suit their individual tastes. It's just something fun to do. There are three kinds of buttons, as you can see here being modeled by Jenny as she drops "Blue Steel" on you...

Jenny wearing buttons that have been pinned to her name badge lanyard.

  • Alumni Buttons... You get these for attending past TequilaCons. Jenny, having attended them all, has Alumni Buttons for Chicago (#1), New York (#2), Portland (#3), and Philadelphia (#4).
  • Blogger Buttons... If I've met you before, I reward your awesome Dave Numberness by giving you a baggie of custom buttons made just for you and your blog. Jenny here has buttons she traded with Avitable, Karl, Miss Britt, Herself, Vahid, Dustin, Me, and Delmer.
  • Ducky Buttons... Jenny is sporting three buttons from the Artificial Duck Co. Store... Wind-Up Duck on Blue, TequilaCon Poster 2008, and Skull & Crossbones on black (because Jenny is bad-ass and rolls like that).

What happens to the lanyards made for people who don't show up?
The lanyards are a take-home souvenir of the event. If somebody didn't show up, their lanyard is destroyed.

And, lastly, a question asked specifically of me...

Are you mad at people who said they were coming to TequilaCon, but didn't show up?
No. Well, maybe. If somebody got sick or had something come up at the last-minute, then of course I'm not mad. That's life, and shit happens. But I will admit to being a little upset with people who know in advance that they are not coming and didn't bother to let Jenny know so she can tell me not to make them a lanyard and buttons. The materials to make this stuff costs money, which I'm happy to donate, but I don't like throwing money away when I don't have to.

And that's all she wrote! More TequilaCon photos have been added to the Flickr Group pool, so if you want to see what all the fuss is about, here's the link.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  30 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Bullet Sunday 80

Posted on Sunday, May 11th, 2008

Dave!Happy Mother's Day!

I don't feel much like typing right now, so I've decided to drop a video for today's 80th edition of Bullet Sunday here at Blogography!


For my valued readers who are deaf, have hearing difficulties, don't have sound, or can't play video, a transcript of the video has been added in an extended entry.

Have a super awesome week everybody!

On to the transcript...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

Duality

Posted on Wednesday, May 14th, 2008

Dave!Lately it has been striking me funny how I am living two entirely separate lives.

There's my online life, which you are seeing here on my blog (plus on Flickr, Twitter, and so on). And my offline life, which is my friends, family, work, and such.

I used to have no problem keeping them separated, but they're starting to merge from time to time...

Lil' Dave staring at Lil' Dave as mirror-image copy.

I haven't yet decided if this is a good or bad thing.

Maybe if I sleep on it...

   

Webkinz

Posted on Saturday, May 31st, 2008

Dave!Dear Isabella,

Yesterday I went to my mail box and there was a package in there! I was very excited to get a present in the mail, and so I ran all the way home so I could open it.

And what did I find inside? Why, it was a Webkinz Monkey and a letter from you!

Thank you very much for my new pet. I have called him Bad Monkey because he reminds me of Lil' Dave's pet monkey. He is a lot of fun, and likes to sit next to me on the couch while I watch television. It is good to have a new friend!

Dave and his new Webkinz Monkey.

In your letter you said that I should go to webkinz.com and enter a secret code so I can play with my monkey online. This is very cool! Now my monkey has a house on the internet! It is fun to buy new furniture for Bad Monkey's bedroom. I like pirates, so I am decorating it to look like a pirate ship. I even bought Bad Monkey a pirate hat!

Bad Monkey's Pirate-Themed Bedroom in Webkinz World

He likes to sleep on his pirate bed next to his favorite toy, a plastic guitar...

Webkinz monkey sleeping on his pirate-themed bed.

He also likes to climb up to his Crow's Nest Chair so he can keep an eye out for scurvy dogs who want to steal his treasure...

Webkinz monkey sitting in his Crows Nest chair.

Bad Monkey also likes to eat a lot. His favorite foods are Potato Chips and Bug Sandwiches. He also likes Chocolate Pudding... just like me! Here are foods I like to feed him...

Webkniz food... Chocolate Pudding, Jungle Bug Sandwich, Chocolate Milk, Potato Chips, Bananas, Ice Pops, Cupcake, Waffles, and Rasins.

I like to give my monkey a bath so he stays clean and healthy...

Webkinz monkey taking a bath with his rubber ducky.

In Webkinz World, you have to buy things with KinzCash. It is fun to win KinzCash by playing games. I bought a game called "Dogbeard's Bathtub Battles" which is a lot like "Battleship." If you win, you can get 40 KinzCash...

Webkinz Game

Webkinz winner screen showing 40 KinzCash in winnings.

There is a word game you can play, but I am not very good at it...

Webkinz Word Games

Instead I like to play Quizzy Bear's WhizKinz game. I am very smart... like super-genius smart... so it is easy to win more KinzCash by answering questions...

Webkinz Quizzy The Bear WhizKinz questions.

With all the KinzCash I won, I bought a yard for Bad Monkey to play in. Now I am saving my KinzCash so he can plant a garden...

Webkinz monkey playing in a grassy yard next to a garden.

Thank you so much for sending me such a great present!

Your Friend,

Dave2

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  44 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Polite

Posted on Wednesday, June 4th, 2008

Dave!Working 19 hour-days has put me in a goofy brain-damaged kind of mood.

I finally got around to reading my email tonight and found that a young boy (with help from his mom) had written to tell me that it's not polite to chew with my mouth open.

This was scary-puzzling to me. Because not only am I'm an advocate for closed-mouth chewing, but I'm also horrified at the thought of small children stalking me. Not knowing what this kid was talking about or where he might have seen me, I wrote back and asked.

Turns out he wasn't writing to me, but to Lil' Dave...

Dave Corn

Hmmm... apparently my enthusiasm for corn is responsible for corrupting children by teaching them bad eating habits now.

See, there's a reason I tag my blog as containing adult content.

   

Pride!

Posted on Monday, June 9th, 2008

Dave!I'm going to put off the rant I had planned for today because I'm just too happy right now. I made my final call-in for jury duty and found out I have been dismissed! w00t!

So what to blog about?

Fortunately, the answer just appeared to me as I learned of the GAY PRIDE CHALLENGE from The Spirit of St. Lewis Blog! Apparently this was started by Kelly's Rambling along in life... with a bit of PRIDE blog. The rules ask that you post a picture he took of his gay pride flag, like this...

Gay pride flag at night.

... and then you tell your coming out story.

Which is easy for me, because I came out the minute I found out I was 20% gay. No mucking around in the closet for me! Not only was I totally proud to discover I was partially heterosexually-challenged, I immediately embraced my honorary membership in the gay community.

And here is my story.

For as long as I can remember, the only interest I've ever had in homosexuality was restricted to the gay fine arts... namely, certain aspects of its photography and motion picture culture...

Two lesbians getting busy!

But all that changed on April 13th, 2005.

It was on that day I blogged about how I was all squeeeeeeee! over the budding romance between Logan and Veronica on Veronica Mars. In the comments, Karla remarked at how I was being SUCH girl. I agreed with her and admitted that I just couldn't help myself. Then, before I know it, somebody suggests that I take the now-infamous Channel 4 Gay-O-Meter Quiz. Here is my reaction after I was told that maybe I'm acting like a girl because I'm gay...

Well I don't think that's the situation here... according to the test, I'm only 20% gay.
Hey, hold on a second...
HOLY CRAP!! I'M 20% GAY!!
And here I've been telling myself all this time that the reason I love Veronica Mars so much is because I it's so well-written and Veronica is hot. Now I know it's because I'm 20% gay and didn't even know it.

From there, things moved fairly quickly. Three days later, I was asked in a comment why I hadn't announced my new-found gayness with a DaveToon, so I did...

Out and proud. Out and proud.

Surprisingly, all my readers were very supportive of the news.

They were so supportive that I found new-found freedom to tell everybody about my man-crush on Ryan Reynolds...

Ryanreynolds

... and reveal my adventures in discovering gay-friendly music by such artists as Kylie Minogue...

Kylie Showgirl Guys

... and write a gay-themed Bullet Sunday where I congratulate Reverend Ted Haggard on his douchebag hypocrisy...

Ted Haggard

... and hang out with several hundred of my closest gay friends at an Erasure concert...

Dave Erasure Angel

... and do my part for Queer Nation by speculating on why stupid homophobic bitch Sally Kern doth protest too much...

Kern Lesbian?

... and, of course, appearing on The Jester Show so I could get "injected with The Gay" and proclaim my fierceness...

Dave Fierce 20%

... and even attend my first Gay Pride Street Fair so I could get protested...

Philly Pride Fair

So there you have it. The story of how I went from not knowing anything about The Gay... to discovering I was 20% gay... to embracing gay culture with all of my heart.

Well, okay... it's just 20% of my heart.

Since I'm now having to deal with another new-found revelation about my sexuality... I think I'm 80% lesbian.

Because, damn...

Two lesbians getting busy!

= ahem =

Let's hope that I'm in a worse mood tomorrow so I can post my rant.

Isn't that why people come here?

I mean, before I started posting pictures of hot lesbians...

   

Transparency

Posted on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

Dave!Once again my rant is going to have to be postponed, because I am just so frickin' overrun with drama that I can barely function.

Today the blogosphere (or, to be more accurate, a small section of the blogosphere) imploded. If you run in the same blog circles as I do, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, it's no big loss, because drama is drama regardless of the details. Suffice to say there was a very disturbing, very public, turn of events that ended badly. This had a ripple effect throughout The People's Republic of Blogistan* where a great many people were left with dropped jaws saying "what the fuck?"

For the most part, I am unsympathetic to the bloggers involved. If you are going to disclose every frakin' detail of your sordid affair to the entire internet... but then disappear when things turn to shit... well, people are going to speculate, gossip, and discuss the situation because you invited them to. And yet, to say I am unsympathetic does not mean I wish anybody ill-will. On the contrary, I am hoping with all my heart that everybody comes through this okay and can find happiness once again. All I ever want is for people to be happy and live in peace.

But enough ambiguous chatter, let's talk about me.

I am the polar opposite of a life-sharing blogger.

I do not discuss my family, my offline friends, my work, my relationships, or anything that's truly personal. This blog is all at once a highly superficial yet deeply reflective look at my life. Or at least (being honest here) the parts of my life I choose to share.

Take yesterday, for instance. It was a very, very bad day. But all the horribleness revolved around things I choose not to blog about, so I posted a DaveToon of my world raining shit and hoped that people understand this is all I have to say about the situation. Fortunately, most do.

But today's events have me thinking back to a conversation I had with my good friend Bad Robert a few weeks back.

Robert observed that I invite my readers to speculate about the Big Picture because I leave them hanging for details. At first I protested, but (and this is the thing about Bad Robert's brilliance) I quickly realized he's absolutely right. For everything I don't reveal or discuss, it's like opening a big door towards speculation. It's human nature.

So am I really any better off than those who choose to share their dirty laundry?

Apparently not.

People read about my frequent travels and speculate that my career is everything from hired assassin to jewel thief to gigolo to terrorist. The truth is far less interesting but, since I'm not talking about it, I might as well be inviting other people to guess...

FACT CHECK: I'm a graphic designer. I fly around a lot for all aspects of my work, and often add-on extra personal time to my trips because I love to travel and see the world. I am, for the most part, forbidden from sharing details of my work, and so I don't. It's really as simple as that.

People read my joking around about being 20% gay, don't read about any girlfriend, and speculate that I'm 100% gay. Again, the truth is far less interesting but, since I'm not talking about it, I might as well be inviting other people to guess...

FACT CHECK: I'm straight. If I were gay I would have no problem being the most "out" homosexual you know, because my friends, family, co-workers, job, and beliefs just wouldn't care. There's no reason for me to be in the closet if I were gay, and I wouldn't be. Just because I don't blog about women in my life doesn't mean they don't exist.

And so on.

This is not to claim that I don't ever reveal myself on my blog.

There are occasional glimpses into my life that I consider highly personal.

There are other times I've written an entry and realize that it tells a lot about who I am even though it actually says very little.

Sometimes I surprise myself by drawing a simple cartoon that reveals me more deeply than any words could ever express.

Occasional controversial topics do enter into the fray from time to time as you would expect them to.

Though people tend to forget, I have blogged about sexual encounters, albeit in a way that admits to nothing.

And, of course, women and romance are not entirely off-limits, I just don't get too close.

Even my family turns up on rare occasions, if people were to take a minute to notice.

And so on.

Is it better to reveal everything and risk repercussions?

Or is it better to reveal very little and risk speculation?

I honestly cannot say.

Something tells me that this would get a little too personal.

   

* The People's Republic of Blogistan, courtesy of mah Hilly-Sue.

   

We Love You

Posted on Saturday, June 21st, 2008

Dave!

   

   

NYC Watchdog and Puppy Monster

Puppy Monster eating cereal.

NYC Watchdog and Puppy Monster

   

   

   

   

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  0 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Cynical

Posted on Thursday, June 26th, 2008

Dave!This is a recorded message.

Dave is not here right now.

Dave and his monkey are guest-blogging over at Cynical Dad today...


Monkey Braces

   

Unfortunately, Dave's Webkinz pet is still on a rampage. After being ripped off by the Webkinz eStore, his righteous fury has resulted in a swath of death and destruction through Webkinz World that shows no signs of stopping. When he was last spotted, he was headed towards The Wish Factory...

Panda trash talking my monkey pet

The remainder of this entry NOT appropriate for children or those who are traumatized by cartoon violence!

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  26 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

DaveCock

Posted on Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

Dave!Once again, I am not here today. I am over at Karl's blog Secondhand Tryptophan where I am guest-posting for his annual "Summer of Love" event.

Because I start traveling this week, I decided to do something special since I won't have time to do anymore guest posting for a while. Heck, I'm still trying to figure out how I am going to find time to write in my own blog. Maybe I should have started my own "Summer of Love" and got Karl to post for me! A pity I'm just not that smart.

In any event, what I am doing today is posting a naked photo of myself over there. It's something I would never do on my own blog, but Karl said "there are no rules" and "you have carte blanche," so I figured "what the heck?"

I'm sure Naked Dave will raise a few questions, which I am happy to answer below...

DAVETOON: I Blogged So Karl Didn't Have To!

Yes that's really me naked.

The photo was taken back in 2001.

It was taken by my then-girlfriend who decided to goof around with my digital camera.

I have no idea why I kept the image, except that it's a pretty darn fine picture, if I do say so myself.

This is not the only naked picture of me on the internet. Somewhere out there, somebody has posted a photo of my bare ass. And no, I'm not telling you where it is (though it's totally worth tracking it down because, let's face it, I've got a totally hot ass).

No, I can't send you a high-res version, because Hilly has gone and trademarked DaveCock. From my Twitter Feed...

Twitter chat where Hilly trademakrs DaveCock!

No, she didn't trademark DaveBalls, so my testicles still belong to me.

For the time being, anyway.

UPDATE: With so many blogs going under, I've decided to archive my guest-entry just in case it disappears over at Karl's.

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  26 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Money

Posted on Thursday, July 3rd, 2008

Dave!Before there were blogs, there were online journals, of which I had two. They were hand-coded in html and difficult to update, but they did keep my readers (all four of them) updated as to my travels and happenings. Then tools came along to make online journals easier to update and they were re-branded "blogs," but it was all the same to me. I'd start a blog, get bored, kill the blog, start a new blog. Eventually i decided to make a real effort at "the blogging thing" and Blogography was born. It was killed 6 months later.

But then better blogging tools came along and Blogography was reborn. Five years later, it's still here.

I honestly don't know why. It should have died off years ago.

I'm guessing it has to do with the "blogging community" that's given me so much. New friends. An extended family. Many good times. Some bad times. And a lot of laughs. I'm guessing it's the same for a lot of bloggers. You keep going because you can't imagine not going on and leaving the community behind.

But then money had to come along and fuck up everything.

Advertising. Merchandising. Revenue sharing. Commissions. Free merchandise. Travel. Book deals. Speaking engagements. Sponsorships. Conferences. Professional bloggers. And a myriad of other things that have made blogging as big a business as anything else out there.

Most of the time, this money is pretty insignificant. Maybe a blogger puts Google Ads on their blog and makes a bit of cash so they can pay their hosting costs and perhaps buy a pizza each month... and that's fine. I've said many times that ads don't bother me. So long as a blog is worth reading, I honestly don't care if they try to make a few bucks. Plaster you blog with ads, it doesn't make any difference to me because I don't visit for the ads and can easily ignore them.

And yet, there's a tipping point.

That point at which the dollars are no longer insignificant and a blogger realizes that there's money to be made.

And wherever money gets involved, drama is sure to follow.

This is not to say that money has to be involved for there to be drama. It doesn't. Drama can be motivated by a number of factors, and I'd guess most of them have nothing to do with dollars. But it's the money-drama that's the most interesting... because nobody involved will admit that it's about the money!

Once you've breached that tipping point, you can claim all you want that you're blogging for the love of it all, but it's a load of crap and everybody knows it. At that point it's all about building readership and leveraging that readership for a monetary pay-off. It's the holy grail that oh so many bloggers aspire to and, once they have it, will do most anything to protect. After all, once you've made serious bank from blogging, how could you lower yourself to go back and do it for free?

And that's where the trouble begins, because things inevitably turn nasty. Sometimes, because a money-blogger thinks that the best defense is a good offense, they'll mount an attack on other bloggers to "defend their blogosphere territory." Other times, a money-blogger realizes that nothing elevates readership better than controversy, and so they'll invent drama where there is none (or escalate drama that's already there) to snag readers. However the money-drama occurs, the money-blogger can't ignore it because battle-lines are being drawn and losing territory means losing revenue.

Not that they'll admit to it.

You'll never see a money-blogger say "There is a blogger that has come to my attention who is clever and fresh and writes about the same subject matter I do. If their readership keeps growing, I fear that they may start cutting into my revenue, and this simply cannot be allowed. I've got a book coming out and am a paid speaker at MoneyBlogger 2008, so my only option here is to attack them now while I still have the power to protect my brand. So when I say that this blogger is a talentless hack who steals ideas from other people and is a stupid doo-doo head, I hope that you will act like the mindless minions you are and join me in destroying them. Oh... and did I mention that they are a godless communist who likes to kick puppies and perform abortions in their spare time?"

Then the entertainment really begins, because the money-blogger being attacked will mobilize their readers for an offensive. Other bloggers will weigh in on the drama with their own opinions to build alliances. Still other bloggers will wait for the drama to die down... then stir it up again so they can create all new drama with themselves at the center of it... all in the desperate hope of snagging a few more readers so they can cash in and be a money-blogger too.

On the surface, it's a pretty battle filled with righteous indignation and the best of intentions. Underneath it all, there's the money.

No matter how strongly they pretend otherwise.

Most of the time I'm able to comfortably skip past the money-drama and ignore it. In rare events, this is not possible, though I try not to drag my own blog into the fray except in broad strokes (like now!), preferring to comment elsewhere.

And this is where I finally bring this entry full-circle by saying how the money-drama relates to me.

It doesn't.

Except that's not what some people think, and therein lies the problem.

People see that I sell crap at the Artificial Duck Co. Store and think I'm raking in the big money.

Which is laughable on so many levels. Last year the store lost me over $1200. Obviously I don't run it to make money, I run it because my readers like having the stuff. I like having the stuff. I sell the hats for $12. The hats cost me $12. I sell the T-shirts for $8.50. The T-shirts cost me $7.50. I sell the Playing Cards for as little as $2.50 (for an eight-pack). The Playing Cards cost me $3.00. No big money is being made. The $1 from the shirt goes to a fund to help my sister pay for medical expenses she has from kicking the shit out of cancer a second time (sorry for the massive profit margin on the shirts there, but I love my sister quite a lot).

I don't make money off of Blogography and, for the foreseeable future, that's not going to change. That's not why I blog. There's some very, very cool new merchandise in the pipe for Blogiversary 6, but it will be sold at my cost as it always has been. Even though I parted ways with my publishers (yes, both of them!) I still plan on releasing the first of my books next year (even if I have to self-publish). I think we all know that's not going to be a money-maker... but I worked hard on it, think people might like to read it, and so I'm going to make it available to them as cheaply as I possibly can. I'm far more interested in Blogography readers being able to afford my stuff than trying to wring money out of them.

But no matter how transparent I try to be as a blogger, I know that there will be those who don't believe me. There's always going to be a small group of people who are convinced that every time I say I like a product, some company has their hand up my ass and is paying me to say it. There's always going to be people who simply cannot accept that I'm not making huge bank from T-shirts and hats. It's human nature, and I certainly don't begrudge them for believing whatever they want to believe.

Except when they go telling it to other people as if it were fact.

In which case they can go fuck themselves. Twice now I've seen my name and my blog dragged into some outrageous shit because some money-blogger is trying to create drama and make a name for themselves. Which is monumentally stupid when you consider that I'm not in this for the money. More importantly, I'm not competition! You think I'm worried about losing advertisers from advertisements I don't have? There's no benefit in my engaging in your drama other than to spell out how monumentally stupid you are for assuming I would care.

So be a douchebag money-blogger wannabe and stir up all the shit you want, if you're so inclined.

I'll still be here not giving a flying fuck.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  61 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Davelanta2

Posted on Saturday, July 19th, 2008

Dave!My day did not get off to a very good start.

Two kids prank-called me at 3:30am and tried again before I had my phone put on "do-not-disturb." They were staying here at the hotel, because nobody at the switchboard let a call through. Where the heck are their parents? Because this was my ONE SHOT at getting some decent sleep, and it was completely destroyed. Tomorrow I have to be up a an insane hour for my flight back home, so my only hope of catching up on my rest is if I can sleep on the plane (which is unlikely).

Things got a lot better once I met up with Beth (who makes all the awesome hats in the Artificial Duck Store) and Kevin. We ate lunch at the very cool (and delicious) "Savage Pizza" located at "Little Five Points." The quirky neighborhood is most famous for The Vortex, because it's got a very cool entrance...

The Vortex Skull and Wild Eyes Entrance

From there we went to Atlanta's terrific High Museum...

High Museum of Art Atlanta

They have a lot of incredible artwork there, but the main reason I wanted to go was to see "The Funeral of Atala," a very moving painting by Girodet that's based on a reinterpretation of "Romeo and Juliet" in Chateaubriand's popular 1801 novel, Atala. The image depicts Chactas, a Natchez Indian mourning and burying his love Atala after she commits suicide because she feared breaking the vow of chastity she made to her mother. It's an absolutely beautiful and powerful work of art...

Funeral of Atala Painting

Funeral of Atala

Funeral of Atala

There are many other interesting pieces, like these two which I have renamed "For The Win!" and "Purple Cow Dressed as a Lion Eating a Taco"...

High Art showing a strange little man with arms up, and an odd lion.

After the museum, Beth and Kevin took me to an Atlanta institution... The Varisty (a massive drive-in restaurant)... so I could experience a delicious Frosted Orange drink. We sat in the "schoolhouse room" where everybody sits at those little desks they give you in elementary school. I had to steal this photo from Kevin, because my iPhone camera decided to stop working for some reason...

Dave and Beth drinking frosted oranges at The Varsity.

From there it was time for Davelanta at the Hard Rock Cafe Atlanta. Probably the most obscenely loud Hard Rock property I have ever been to. The music was way, way too loud, but we had a great time anyway. Here's me with Beth and Kevin...

Dave, Kevin, and Beth

Then Mentally Rehearsed showed up...

Dave and Mentally Rehearsed

Then Coal Miner's Granddaughter...

Davelanta Coal Miner's Granddaughter

And then Geeky Tai-Tai and Mr. Geeky Tai-Tai, Mike...

Davelanta Geeky Tai-Tai

Despite nearly going deaf, we all had a great time, and decided to move across the street to a quieter venue so we could more easily talk.

And there was Key Lime Pie.

For what started out as kind of a crappy day, it sure ended well!

   

SoCal

Posted on Monday, July 21st, 2008

Dave!Later this week I will be taking off for Southern California to experience Comic-Con 2008 in San Diego. Believe it or not, I've never been before, so I am really looking forward to it. The entire convention is sold-out for all four days but, fortunately, I bought my tickets and made my hotel reservations way early, so I think I'm good to go!

The only problem is trying to figure out which events I want to attend. Sure there are some things I'd like to see... but there's nothing so life-altering happening that I absolutely have to do it. With that in mind, I think I'll just play it by ear and wander around until something looks interesting to me.

I take that back... there is, of course ONE event that is positively unmissable, and that would be Dave Diego on Saturday night!

DAVETOON: Poster for Dave Diego on July 26th!

w00t!

If you will be in the vicinity of San Diego and like to drop by to eat, drink, and chat with a swell group of bloggers... please email me at dave@blogography.com ASAP so we can make reservations for dinner and get you a name badge!

And now for two more days of torture before good times begin...

   

Dave Diego

Posted on Saturday, July 26th, 2008

Dave!I spent the morning at Comic-Con, which was even more insane than yesterday... something I would have never thought possible. The crowds were just obscene. Fortunately, I was concentrating on visiting original comic art vendors today, which was probably the least offensive (crowd-wise) of the entire show floor.

If only I had several thousand dollars burning a hole in my pocket, I could have actually afforded to buy something!

Yesterday I focused on all the positive and wonderful things about Comic-Con, this time I wanted to list some of my gripes about Comic-Con. For those who don't care about the show and are sick of reading about it, I've put it all in an extended entry.

But even better than drooling over amazing works of art all morning was attending Dave Diego this evening! Fun times were had by all, and it was great to finally meet some new faces behind the names from blogs I enjoy...

It was mother-daughter day, starting with Juli and SJ...

Julie and SJ

And Motley and Winter...

Motley and Winter

I was thrilled that Amandarin and Adam were able to make it, because she is here to actually work at Comic-Con...

Amanda and Adam

At first Vahid was immune to Hilly's considerable charms...

Vahid and Hilly

But there's only so long you can hold out against Hilly, and Vahid was soon smitten...

Vahid with his head on Hilly's bosom

Which was a good thing, because Hilly required assisted in getting decked out in Blogography Flair...

Vahid attempting to attach button flair on Hilly's lanyard

Cutest couple of the evening award went to Jester and Uncle Monkey Boy...

Jester and Uncle Monkey Boy

Also finally got to meet Othurme, along with new Jester Friends Daniel, Richard, and Paul...

Othurme, Paul, and The Gays

Karl and Bret were also there... but they always seemed to be making out (TequilaCon-Speak for "out having a smoke") on those rare occasions I had my camera out, so I had to steal this photo from SJ...

Bret and Karl

After drinks, dinner, talk, and drinks, we called it a night so disrespectable people could get home at a respectable hour. We're classy like that.

Tomorrow I'm going to take in the last hours of Comic-Con 2008 and see if I can meet up with some friends while I'm in town. Not a bad way to spend a Bullet Sunday.

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

Rioting

Posted on Tuesday, August 19th, 2008

Dave!I had gotten all fired up and wrote a big long political rant for tonight... but then remembered that I don't really do politics on my blog and deleted it.

This was kind of painful, because I spent 45 minutes writing it (whereas my average blog entry takes 10-15 minutes). Oh well. Sometimes writing down how you feel can still be therapeutic, even if nobody ever sees it. Suffice to say that I am not happy about the latest bullshit being shoveled our way, and am in a state of constant amazement that people are so willing to sit back and take it. I wonder just how bad it has to get before people are outraged enough to start rioting in the streets?

So now I got nuthin' to blog about...

Nuthin'

I'd feel bad about that, but I have to get up in six hours so I can fly out again.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  19 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Recaplet Portland

Posted on Friday, August 29th, 2008

Dave!Taking a bad situation and making the best of it, my unexpected trip to Portland ended up being a great excuse to email Vahid, Lewis, and Blair for a last-minute dinner in the City of Roses. Thanks to Twitter, Miss TSM_Oregon herself (Tracy) saw that I was in town and was kind enough to join in as well.

When I stop and think about it, this is pretty amazing. Just four years ago, all the travel I do made for a life of loneliness and isolation. Now, thanks to blogging, there's someone I know everywhere I go. A last-minute trip to Portland is no longer just a chore to I have to get through, but an opportunity to meet up with friends. Friends I never would have met if not for writing here at Blogography and getting involved in the PRB.

Portland Blogger Meet People

Since I live in a tiny town where "ethnic food" is considered to be a burrito with extra cheese, Vahid was kind enough to suggest Indian for dinner, which sounded perfect. I stuck to my restrictive diet as best I could, but the food at India House all sounded so good that there was no way I could settle for a stupid salad, and ended up having their Vegetarian Sampler Platter. Delicious.

My diet already blown by eating gluten (beer and naan) and cooked vegetables (everything else), Vahid decided to exploit my love of gelato and add dairy to the list of forbidden foods I've consumed today, and took us all to Mio Gelato. Since they had Stracciatella among the flavors, I was a very happy camper.

Lewis and Blair had to be responsible parents and get back to their kid, so Vahid, Tracy and I soldiered onward to The Boiler Room for karaoke. Tracy claimed to be able to sing, so we wanted her to put a microphone where her mouth is and prove it. She was first up as karaoke started... and proceeded to blow the doors off the joint by singing Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good." Her performance made me pity everybody else in the room who had put a song in, and the guy who came after Tracy just stood there with the microphone in his hand saying "you expect me to follow that?!?

Having nothing left to prove, Tracy hit the road for her drive home, leaving Vahid and I to play video games at Ground Kontrol. Back in the day, I used to be pretty good at these classic games, but now I just suck ass. Games like "Donkey Kong" where I used to blow through levels in record time and set high scores totally owned my ass. I never made it past the first level.

Having totally failed at video games, we met up with one of Vahid's college buddies for one last beer at Bailey's Taproom.

All in all, a good night! Thanks to everybody who was kind enough to hang out with me.

UPDATE: Ooh! I forgot PDX has free wi-fi! Uploaded a photo montage of us.

   

AustFrancisco

Posted on Thursday, September 4th, 2008

Dave!This morning I had to unblock the FOX News Channel on my TiVo so I could tell it to record =shudder= The O'Reilly Factor tonight. This goes against my policy of unnecessarily exposing myself to lying dumbass fucktards, but I'm hoping the horror of having to watch Bill O'Reilly will be offset by the person he's interviewing: Barack Obama. If O'Reilly will shut his stupid mouth long enough to let Obama speak, it should be a fascinating show.

Still, I fully plan on slamming no less than three shots of Jägermeister and having a Rum & Root Beer handy to take the edge off.

It's times like this that make me wish hardcore drugs were cheap and easily available. And legal, of course.

Are you a dick?

In happier news, the dates for the blogger meet-ups in Austin and San Francisco have been set.

DAVETOON: Davestin: Austin Event on October 3rd.

DAVETOON: DaveFrancisco: San Francisco Event on October 18th.

If you'd like to come along and hang out with some extraordinary blogging-type people, then please send me an email at dave@blogography.com

Hmmm... O'Reilly starts at 5:00. I wonder how early I should start drinking?

   

Possibility

Posted on Thursday, September 25th, 2008

Dave!It's midnight and I just stopped work for the day a half-hour ago (even though I have tons left to do). Since I started working at 5:00 this morning you'd think I'd be a little bitter about a 16-1/2 hour work-day, but I just spent two weeks in the Hawaiian Islands so it's not like I have much cause to complain.

So here I lay in bed, listening to Wincing The Night Away by "The Shins" for the millionth time, all the while tap-tap-tapping away on my MacBook and contemplating what to blog about. Usually the problem would be that I'm too beat to think of anything worth writing, but the opposite seems to be true tonight. There's dozens of things I could blog about... I just can't choose.

I thought I was going to talk about my contest for Bullet Sunday #100 coming up in three days, but I haven't figured out exactly how it's going to work.

Then I was going to write about Davestin coming up next Friday, but that seemed more appropriate for this Friday.

Just a second ago, Phantom Limb started playing and it made me want to write about how it may very well be my favorite song of all time (which is surprising because it's not by Depeche Mode), but I doubt anybody would find that amusing except me.

Then I had considered blogging about Katie Couric's truly terrifying interview with Sarah Palin that's been splattered all over the internets, but I am so rattled at the possibility of Palin getting anywhere near The White House that I may go into hysterics. At this point, I would hope that even hardcore Republicans are scared of the doomsday scenario which would have McCain winning the election and then dying in office, leaving us with "President Palin." It's a possibility so horrifying that I cannot picture it in my head without making "BLEEP BLORP" noises and sobbing uncontrollably.

Then I started thinking about how technically the day has already ended and I shouldn't be worried about this blog entry at all since it's now tomorrow and I should be worrying about that entry.

Except I have to get back to work in five hours and can't afford to be worrying about anything if I want to get any sleep tonight.

I could really use a cookie, a glass of chocolate milk, and a handful of sedatives.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  10 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Google10

Posted on Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

Dave!Thanks to everybody for their kind emails and comments about my recent allergy-related health problems. Between the drugs and eliminating peanut products, things have been going okay... for now at least. Still getting random welts, but they're not nearly as severe.

One final reminder... tomorrow, October 1st, is the last day to leave a comment entry for my Bullet Sunday 100 celebration. Act fast, because comments will be closed for entries at 9:00pm Seattle time.

In celebration of Google's 10th birthday, they've put their oldest available index online from January, 2001. It's kind of fun to do a search for things that didn't exist back then. Like Apple's "iPhone" (which was a different product by an entirely different company) or "iPod" (which was nothing more than an acronym) or even "Blogography"...

Googleblogography2001

When I first came up with the idea of naming my new blog "Blogography" back in February of 2002, the first thing I did was type "blogography.com" into my web browser and come up empty. The second thing I did was type "blogography" into Google where I also came up empty. I didn't know for sure if I really wanted to name my blog "Blogography" so I thought on it for a month (hey, registering domains was expensive back then!). Eventually I took the plunge on March 27, 2002 (after sobering up from my birthday, I'd imagine), and the rest is history.

Amazing to see how far things have come in just 7-3/4 years...

Googleblogography2008

Around 64,600 pages! There are dozens (hundreds?) of sites calling themselves "blogography" now, but back then the term didn't even exist. You can do your own searching back in time by visiting Google 2001. But act fast... they're only keeping it active for one month.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  15 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Davestin

Posted on Friday, October 3rd, 2008

Dave!Wow. What an amazing day.

And to think I almost missed it.

Originally, I was flying into San Antonio for some plans there, then driving up to Austin (because that's where Wayne and Karla were at). When my plans in San Antonio fell through, I had to cancel my entire trip to Texas. But then at the last minute I decided to go to Austin anyway. I had only been to the city a few times before, had never met Wayne in person, and it's a lot cheaper than going to Norway to say hi to Karla.

The day started with me ironing all my clothes.

Usually when the TSA pulls my suitcase for extra screening (which is ALWAYS) they are pretty good at putting everything back together nice and neat. This time, not so much. Every piece of clothing I packed had become a massive ball of wrinkles. Since I suck at ironing, they were only slightly less wrinkled after I had finished, but at least I had the satisfaction of knowing I tried to make myself look presentable.

Then it was time for lunch with Wayne from The Blog of Whall. I won a contest over at his blog a while back, and was given a choice of prizes. I picked "lunch on me the next time you're in Austin," and was here to collect. I was expected the 99¢ menu at Taco Bell, but Wayne went all-out and took me to The Shady Grove, a very cool restaurant which is the epitome of Austin's hippie culture. It's places like this that seem to typify the city, but not Texas as a whole. Indeed, if you were to visit only Austin, you might assume that Texas is a liberal, left-leaning, Obama-loving, Blue State. The reality is quite different, as shown by this electoral map from the last presidential election...

Red Texas Electoral Map showing Austin's Travis County in Blue.

It's kind of interesting, because Austin is almost defiantly proud of being different. The wait staff at Shady Grove were wearing T-shirts saying "KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD!" which just about sums it up. After some darn fine chips & queso, we managed to get a table for delicious burgers out in the inviting Austin sunshine. Despite some political differences on some issues, Wayne and I are more alike than different, which made for great conversation and a terrific lunch. But no worries, I'm pretty sure I've convinced Wayne that Obama for president is the way to go, so Austin's Travis County going Blue in November is all but assured.

Then tonight it was time for Austin's premiere blogging event: Davestin!

Here's Karla modeling the Official Davestin Lanyard after we arrived at Opal Divine's Freehouse...

Davestin - Karla showing her lanyard and flair

Here's Wayne, much happier now that he's supporting Obama...

Davestin - Wayne Hall

Here's Ren from "Renagerie" with Wayne's lovely wife Christy (no, I have no idea how Wayne managed to get her to marry him either, the lucky bastard!)...

Davestin Ren and Christy

Going clock-wise from the lower left to lower right, that's Mags from "The Corrosion" and Karla May from Pine Curtain Refugee" and Lindsay from "Malcontent Mama" and Oliver and Lee from "I Love Beer" and Jaye from "Putting the 'Fun' in Disfunctional" and Karla from Tales of a Texpatriate and Badger from "Badger Meets World" (our resident palm-reading expert). Bookhart from "Up From Sloth" appears to have escaped...

Davestin - Cocktails

No, wait a second... there's Bookhart down at the end there! And me, eating awesome pepper-fries with delicious chipotle mayo...

Davestin - Dinner

After dinner some of us headed off to The Jackelope for much drinking and merriment! Unfortunately Wayne had to run home and do some campaign work for Obama so he, Christy, and Ren couldn't join us. But he did give me a super-sweet Pearls Before Swine book to read on the plane-ride home tomorrow before he left, so it's all good.

After drinking entirely too much, I stumbled back to my hotel for some sleep. As I was looking across the street at a neon sign which said "Hospitality On Call" and wondering if it meant what I thought it meant, I heard somebody calling my name...

...only to discover that a friend I haven't seen in almost a decade was staying at the same hotel! This awesome coincidence called for even more drinking and merriment, at which point I think I must have passed out, because I honestly cannot remember how I got here to my hotel room.

Oh well. I still have my iPhone, camera, wallet, and all my clothes, so I guess everything worked out in the end.

Or not, depending on how you gauge a successful evening out on the town in Austin.

Categories: Blogging 2008, Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink  9 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Henry

Posted on Wednesday, October 15th, 2008

Dave!This is an entry in two parts. First I am going to go insane. Then I am going to cry.

Let's start with the insanity, shall we? In response to my entry yesterday about voting no on Proposition 8 in California, a reader brought to my attention the even more outrageous Proposition 1 happening in Arkansas. This truly vile ballot item facing voters in "The Natural State" would prohibit cohabitating couples from adopting or providing foster care to children. Put another way, only a married couple would be allowed to provide a home for a child in need. To put it still another way... unmarried sinners and God-hating faggots need not apply.

Even when facing unbelievably ludicrous shit like this, I honestly do try very hard to see an issue from all sides.

But how in the hell do you do that when somebody honestly thinks that being stuck in an orphanage is a better environment for a child than a home where they are wanted, loved, and cared for? Even in a Prop 1 supporter's most depraved homosexually-themed nightmares, how is an unmarried couple for a family or a gay couple for a family worse than no family at all? How is it that being married automatically makes you perfect caregivers for children? As I read through mind-boggling comments by scary homophobes on Prop 1 news sites, it apparently has to do with exposing innocent children to "perverts" and turning them gay by example. I can't even dignify this with a response except to ask "if being raised by a straight couple guarantees a child won't 'turn gay'... where do the gays come from?"

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey holding NO ON #1 signs

Study of the issue has brought me no closer to understanding how children are better off if Prop 1 passes, thus denying them loving homes that are all too rare.

I mean, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?!? Shit like this makes me insane.

See, I told you so.

And then...

It seems whenever I write an entry in support of gay issues, it opens up the question of "why" as in "Why do you care about gay rights when you're not gay." Sometimes readers guess it's because I've met bunches of gay bloggers, which is indeed part of it (I also have gay "real life" friends and people I work with who are gay), but it's not the driving force behind my activism. Others assume it's because I'm gay myself, which I've already addressed... or because I somehow think it's funny, which I assure you I do not.

The simple answer is because I am a human, and believe that nobody should be treated differently because of how they're born. Whether it be because a person has blue eyes... or freckles... or is tall... or is short... or is gay... or whatever. That's how they were made, that's how they are, and that's how they're going to be. To punish somebody or treat them as a lesser person because of who they are is discriminatory cruelty and not very human at all.

The long answer is a little more complex.

I've never written about it before because it's also a lot more personal.

If anybody cares, I've done my best to explain it all in an extended entry.

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

Deleted

Posted on Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

Dave!Generally speaking, I don't think much about the things I write on my blog. Each day when I find a free moment, I sit down and type out whatever happens to be crossing my mind at the time. There's no real agenda or message I'm going for, it's just random crap that's mostly useless and occasionally entertaining. This is not to say that I don't have lucid moments... every once in a while I've actually got something to say... but nobody's going to confuse Blogography with anything that's to be taken seriously. I draw cartoons with monkeys for heaven's sake.

This is a system that serves me well, even if it does result in my having to deal with random hatemail and nasty comments every once in a while. If you put yourself out there on the internet long enough, the hate is inevitable, regardless of how ridiculous you are.

Knowing that doesn't make it any easier, however.

Today I deleted the entry I had written rather than invite the inevitable hatemail that would have come from it. I just don't need the drama right now.

So instead, here's a cartoon of a monkey to look at...

Nuthin'

Hopefully tomorrow I'll stop thinking when I blog again. It's a lot more productive.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  22 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Commandment

Posted on Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

Dave!Blame it on Brandon and Shari.

But mostly Shari.

Brandon tried to sneak into Wenatchee unnoticed, but it's a small city and Shari was in the right place at the right time and spotted him. Since she has his phone number, there was no escape. I'm sure Brandon tried to deny it and blame his appearance on a twin brother or alien pod-person, but the jig was up. Since Shari didn't make it to the TequilaCon Planning Meeting in Chicago, she demanded a special Emergency TequilaCon Post-Planning Follow-Up Dinner here in Wenatchee.

It was a commandment I couldn't refuse...

Shari and Brandon
Yes, iPhone has the shittiest camera in a mobile phone ever.

So now I'm behind in work and don't have time to blog.

And it's all their fault.

I'm now a bit worried that the two remaining TequilaCon Planning Committee members who didn't make it to Chicago will demand post-planning meetings of their own. But since both of them seem to have disappeared off the face of the earth, I'm probably safe.

If I had to guess, I'd say Dustin contracted the ebola virus, went insane, then died in a gutter somewhere in Tijuana.

If I had to guess, I'd say Sibyl inherited 5 billion dollars, became a recluse, and is living in a palace in Dubai.

If I had to guess.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  10 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Replacement

Posted on Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

Dave!This is a replacement entry.

I had written up a long entry discussing the sad trade imbalance which has been closing more and more American companies and killing US manufacturing, but then something very cool happened, so I didn't want to post anything depressing today. Instead I think I'll just comb through my photograph archives and find something there.

Something like this...

Stormy Sky

Overcast Sky

Cloudy Sky

Clear Blue Sky

All better.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  17 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Yearly

Posted on Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

Dave!The last day of the year is great time to be a blogger. It's a time when you get to re-visit all your entries for the past 364 365* days and see just how pointless and futile your life really is.

As usual much of this year was spent traveling, and I managed to rack up 127,320 air miles on eleven airlines. This seems about average for me now, but pales in comparison to seven years ago when I would easily get up to 200,000 miles and beyond. I haven't yet decided whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it's nice to spend time at home every once in a while.

And now some choice bits of random Blogography crap from the year that was 2008...


JANUARY

Made it to the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Biolxi at last, after my previous attempt was thwarted by Hurricane Katrina.

Was finally able to admit it's all about me.

I said my final words on LOLCats...

Kitten Shitburger

Returned to Cologne, Germany so I could be attacked by bears and get insulted by Disapproving Poster Man...

Disapproving Man!

Visited Warsaw, Poland, which was amazing in ways that I just can't articulate...

Old Town Warsaw

Saw the gayest building in all of Europe...

Palace of Culture and Science Warsaw


FEBRUARY

Found out that Poland really doesn't like President Bush very much...

Protest Bush!

But Poland totally loves me, which is all that really matters...

Poland Loves Dave!

Went back to Cologne so I could partake in the Kölner Karneval where I was given the hottest scarf ever, got to see transgender Viking warriors, and gape with awe at the giant flaming wheel of meat.

Relived the horror of dating the "Do You Know Girl."


MARCH

Attended the TequilaCon 2008 Planning Meeting in Portland, Oregon.

Changed Blogography's header graphic and hung out with Mr. Bun before he was shipped off to Iraq...

Dave hanging out with Mr. Bun

Traveled to Oslo, Norway on my birthday so I could FINALLY meet Ms. Texpatriate herself, Karla!...

Dave and Karla HRC

Spent the day in Bygdøy in Norway to see some of the most amazing shit on earth.

Took the train to Göteborg, Sweden to meet my very good blogging friend Göran and take in the sights.

Went back to Oslo so I could get the crap scared out of me and visit PERVY STATUE PARK!


APRIL

Developed my own line of luxury condoms.

Experienced the excruciating pain of kidney stones while in Salt Lake City, and finally got to meet Marty (albeit in a drugged-out state of pain-killer euphoria).

Posted one of my most controversial DaveToons ever.

Came up with a business plan for Davebucks Cocoa...

Davebucks Cocoa

Had my 5-Year Blogiversary celebration where I gave out my biggest prize ever...

Blogiversary 5 Banner


MAY

Goofed around in New York City with Vahid.

Went to Philadelphia for THE blogger event of the year... TEQUILACON 08!

TequilaCon '08

TequilaCon '08

Went to Philly Pride 2008 with Dustin and Vahid!

Went goth for Mother's Day.

Went to see Eddie Izzard perform in Chicago with Jenny.

Explored the world of Webkinz.


JUNE

Told my 20% coming out story.

Developed the best software idea ever.

Exposed the truth about gay marriage.

Had an awesome time at Daveattle!

Endured a dilemma with malt liquor...


JULY

Shared a naked photo of myself.

Talked about how moneybloggers ruin everything.

Avoided being poisoned to death at Johnny Rockets....

Epic Fail in the dictionary: George W. Bush and Johnny Rockets.

OMG! DAVELANTA, BABY!!!

OMG! DAVE DIEGO, BABY!!!


AUGUST

Found out I have mutant healing powers like Wolverine!

Attended the wonderment of DAVECAGO!

Delivered the winning prize for my Blogiverary 5 celebration by attending the very first Dave Louis event where I had the best orgasm of my life at Ted Drewes...

Dave eats a Ted Drewes frozen custard sundae.

Back to Salt Lake City so I could meet Marty again... this time without being drugged out of my mind.

Theorized how my new diet might cause my ass to explode.

Had big fun during an unexpected trip to Portland.


SEPTEMBER

COMMANDO FRIDAY IS HERE!

Went to Hawaii for vacation...

Makena Beach

Railed against the hypocrisy of John McCain.

Did my 100th Bullet Sunday!

Reminisced about Blogography on the occasion of Google's 10th Birthday.


OCTOBER

I love you.

The inevitable finally happened when I met Wayne (and other cool bloggers!) at the first ever Davestin Event while saying hello to Karla (again) in Austin.

Provided historical evidence of my chocolate pudding addiction...

Young Davy Eats Chocolate Pudding

Back to Chicago for the TequilaCon 2009 Planning Meeting, where I finally got to experience Puppet Bike!

Exposed myself in my most personal entry ever.

Revealed my second-worst date of all time.

Had an amazing time at DaveFrancisco.


NOVEMBER

Off to Orlando for Avitable's Annual Halloween Party dressed as MURDER CLOWN!!

Dave Clown Murders Miss Britt!

Shared the joy of my Hannah Montana Musical Pen..

Gave one of many reasons that Bill O'Reilly is a total fucking dumbass (as if anybody really needed me to tell them that).

Explained Wisconsin to non-Wisconsonians.


DECEMBER

Took a break at Walt Disney World.

Visted the PostSecret exhibit in Arkansas.

Got stuck in Seattle for a week thanks to Snowmageddon 2008.

Lamented being trapped in a box.


And that was 2008. Everybody have a safe and happy New Year as we head into 2009, and thanks for reading!

UPDATE: *OMG! It was totally a leap year this year!

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