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Posted on Friday, August 14th, 2015

Dave!Next year I turn fifty and, let me tell you, there's nothing like travel to make me feel like the crotchety old fart I'm becoming.

The morning started off with my being told that Seattle is experiencing weather delays and the flight in could be delayed by an hour or more. Which would be fine if this were one of my typical four hour layovers at SeaTac but, just my luck, I have a 46-minute layover this time. But, eh... what can you do? If it happens, it happens and I'll figure something else out, right?

See... I'm also mellowing in my old age,

But then I started getting irritated because people are just so damn irritating.

The actual flight to L.A. was fine. I was completely absorbed by watching Mad Max: Fury Road again because... well... ZOMG WHAT AN AMAZING FILM... and didn't pay much attention to anything going on around me.

After landing it was another story.

There I was getting my suitcase down from the overhead when I get bumped into by a small boy. He's irritated and squirmy because he has to go to the bathroom. I let the mother know that they will probably let him use the bathrooms if she wants, because we're at the back of the plane and it may take a while for people ahead of us to clear out. She thanks me, but says he's already gone to the bathroom several times and he's just using it as an excuse. I then goof around with the kid for a bit to try and take his mind of things, but it doesn't last long and he's back to squirming in no time. His mother tries her best to keep him in line and everything, but the guy is a handful.

Then it happens.

Some crusty older bitch in her hipster black turtleneck sees that the mother has tattoos and crazy colored hair and piercings and instantly comes to the conclusion that this surely must be a bad mother, and SHE knows better how to raise children than the mother does. And she tells the mother this.

Which infuriates me. It's not like the mother is letting the kid go apeshit all over the place like most parents do now-a-days... she's trying her level best to keep him in line. So I cut the bitch a glance and say "Give me a break... he's a kid!" Which should have been the end of it.

But of course it wasn't.

The self-entitled parenting expert of the year keeps at it. Telling the young mother everything she's doing wrong.

I was about to say something again when all of a sudden... the mother lets her have it.


Surely that would be the end of it, right?


The hipster Anne-Rice-Wannabe bitch proceeds to tell the mother that she had to sit in front of her and her kid the entire flight and it was horrible and maybe the mother should drive next time.

The mother loses it.


And good for her. Probably wouldn't have cursed in front of the kid like that but, seriously, good for her.

As we're leaving, I feel the need to tell the mother that it's not her who should be driving... it's people who can't deal with being in public and are serious assholes about it. I hope it makes her feel better about the situation.

Sure I may like to talk about how people should be raising their kids... but never in a million years would I presume to actually tell a mother she's raising her kid wrong. Especially a mother who was trying to discipline her child and making them behave. What the fuck is that about?

And then I got to the car rental counter.

I can only guess the man causing a scene there was related to the asshole on the plane, because he sure acted like it. Apparently the car he wanted wasn't available, so he was just going off on the poor guys at the counter who were doing everything they could to placate the piece of shit. Like they have control over somebody not returning a vehicle on time or whatever. The asshole kept hammering away with "I'M A VERY GOOD CUSTOMER!" and "I'M GOING TO TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE!" and "I'M NOT SPENDING MONEY WITH THIS COMPANY AGAIN!" and "AUF WIEDERSEHEN! GOOD BYE! GOOD RIDDANCE!" and "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT!" and "I'M NOT WALKING ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE PARKING GARAGE! YOU NEED TO BRING THE CAR TO ME!"

As I stood over at the next counter filling out my paperwork I just couldn't take it any more and started screaming "WAH! WAH! WAAAAAAAH! THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT ME?! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! MEEEEEE!!!" Then I looked over at the dickhead, inviting him to take on somebody who didn't have to put up with his bullshit.

But of course it never came. Assholes like this are almost always complete cowards when they have to fight against somebody who can fight back.

The prick finally signed off with "This is supposed to be customer service? I've never been so disgusted!" Which is when I had to point out to the guy helping me that I save my disgust for things like extreme poverty and world hunger.

Look, I get it. I have blogged many times about how shitty it is to not get the car you reserved. It sucks. It's wrong. It shouldn't happen. It's upsetting. But to take it out on some poor guy who is trying their best to help you? I'm just not that big a dick.

Well, I am... but I save my big dickish behavior for those who deserve it.

Even though I would probably be better off not getting involved at all.

Except I just can't help myself, can I? I am well on my way to becoming a crotchety old fart and seriously don't give a shit anymore.

If I ever did.

And then there was traffic hell on the 405 to deal with...

Welcome to the City of Angels.

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Categories: Travel 2015Click To It: Permalink


  1. Welcome to the “No Longer Will Suffer Fools Gladly” part of your life. As someone who’s been there a few years now, I can say you’ll get to love and appreciate it.

    And good work on that airplane, BTW!

  2. Wow…..

    I didn’t get the car I reserved on my last trip and the new car kind of sucked…was actually painful to drive long distances, but aside form complaining about my sore ass to the wife I wasn’t a dick about it.

    The problem with common courtesy is that it just isn’t as common as it used to be.

    You handled the ticket counter guy much better than I would have…I’ll have to take a page from your playbook next time I encounter that.

  3. Michelle M. says:

    Good for you for saying something (in both occasions). Can’t wait to see what you’re like in 10 years!

  4. hello haha narf says:

    fuck yes! yay for you standing up for people who could use the support. thank you!
    i don’t think the things you described make you crotchety. i think it makes you be the kind of person who doesn’t care what others think of you.
    i had no clue you are a year away from 50. looking good, my friend.

    i had a rental car reserved on maui for when i moved my gram to lanai, hi. two hours before gram got on the boat from lanai, i took it over so that i could pick up the rental car and be back to grab her at the marina. gram is VERY arthritic and needs a low car, but not too low car to get into and there were going to be a total of five people so we had a large luxury car reserved. i got to the rental car joint with my cousin only be be told that they just gave my huge car away to some guy who was screaming at them because the car he reserved wasn’t available and all they had available for rent were jeep wranglers. after a very, very long inhale and exhale, i told them i was quite capable of screaming and mother fucking as well, but that won’t solve the fact that my grandmother quite literally wouldn’t be able to get in nor out of the wrangler. miraculously the agent found a cute midsized convertible that would fit all five of us and that gram could get in. those photos of driving the maui coastline with my gram are some of my favorite. hope that guy who was mean to rental agents didn’t have nearly as much fun with his huge hard topped car. dick.

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