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Day Nine: Grand Cayman

Posted on Friday, March 16th, 2012

Dave!Hello from the land of rum and pirates.

As a Hard Rock fan, Grand Cayman has been on my list of places to visit for a long time. I almost visited years ago, but a hurricane in the area changed my travel plans.

But here I am at last.

I wasn't going to do the whole "excursion thing" so I could just bum around George Town and hit the beach, but my face is still burnt to a cinder, so I thought "What the hell?"

Which is ironic, because the first stop was... literally... Hell. Hell, Grand Cayman...

Welcome to Hell!

Hell Landscape

I wouldn't have expected it, but there are chickens in hell. Chickens who like eating coconuts...

Hell Chickens!

And here's a shot of Seven Mile Beach taken from the bus window. Sigh. If not for faulty sun-screen and a massive burn on my face...

Gorgeous Seven Mile Beach

Then it was time for a turtle farm. The idea is to preserve and protect the species, but the poor turtles looked incredibly bored swimming around in circles within their small, crowded tanks. I felt pretty sorry for them, as it didn't look like much of a life...

Turtles!

Baby Turtle

There were also other critters wandering around the place...

Iguana!

After the tour dumped everybody off in George Town, there was only one place I really wanted to go...

Hard Rock Grand Cayman

Hard Rock Grand Cayman

The cafe is a small, old-school property that's located at the end of the main shopping district downtown. It would probably do a lot better business if it were more centrally located near the cruise ship dock, but there you have it.

I would have eaten lunch at the Hard Rock, but I don't really care for their veggie burgers and fries. Since that's what I was craving, I decided to wander down to Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville.

What a huge fucking mistake that turned out to be.

First of all, they didn't have Boca Burgers like every other Margaritaville I had ever been to. Oh well, I decided to have nachos and a Coke instead. Not a big deal.

EXCEPT THEY WERE THE WORST NACHOS I HAVE EVER EATEN IN MY LIFE! And I am including the time I had Australian nachos where the crazy bastards mix the salsa into the chips for a soggy mess. Because, hey, at least their nachos use actual cheese and are... you know... WARM! Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville nachos are inedible shit. And COLD! They take roasted chips... pour in some FUCKING DISGUSTING COLD IMITATION CHEEZ-WHIZ-LIKE CONGEALED SUBSTANCE... put a small puddle of melted real cheese on top... then add some shriveled olives, jalapeƱos, and crap. What you end up with is a bunch of soggy tortilla chips coated in this grotesque oily mess. And did I mention that they were COLD? They weren't "not hot" or "merely warm"... but FUCKING COLD!

Yes. COLD! I couldn't even bring myself to eat them they were so bad...

Shitty Nachos from Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville Grand Cayman Georgetown

If that wasn't bad enough, the Coke was watered down and flat. I only drank it because it was something cool. I would have complained to my waiter... but I rarely saw him. The poor guy was given way too many tables that were too far apart. I did tell him when I hunted him down to pay, but his response was to give me a "souvenir glass" I apparently paid for but never wanted, and tell me he would tell his manager.

I'd chalk this up to a bad experience, but the table next to me didn't get hot food either, and the buns on one of their burgers was stale. So... lesson learned... when you're hungry in George Town, Grand Cayman... avoid Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville like the fucking plague. Which is such a shame, because all the other Margaritavilles I've eaten at have had excellent food and service.

Jimmy should be ashamed to have his name on this place.

And, thanks to my pricey souvenir glass I never wanted, I have something to remember one of the worst meals I've ever had for the rest of my life! Or until I throw the shit in the garbage.

Anyway...

Couldn't have asked for a nicer day. Lovely sunshine and a nice breeze to keep things pleasant. And then there's that amazing Caribbean Blue water here that looks like some kind of Photoshop hack, but really isn't...

Caribbean Sea Blue

Caribbean Sea Pirate Ship

Sweet! As I was writing this, I heard somebody telling bad jokes over a loudspeaker ("WHY DIDN'T THE SKELETON CROSS THE ROAD? HE DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS!"). I thought it was coming from the ship, but it was instead a small touristy pirate ship thing floating by my balcony...

Fake Pirates!

Yo! Ho! A pirates life for me!

And, just like that, my last excursion was over. We set sail for Florida in a couple hours.

   

30 DAYS DRAWING CHALLENGE: Draw Your Inspiration...

Lil' Steve Jobs!

This should come as no shock to anybody who has read Blogography for any amount of time. Steve Jobs takes inspiration to an entirely new level. But he did that with most things. I know it probably rings hollow for somebody to gush over a person they've never met... but I miss Steve Jobs terribly and think of him often. What I wouldn't give for just one more keynote speech... just one more thing.

Comments

  1. Mike says:

    Have followed your blog for several years and have really enjoyed your humour (yes Canadian), your cartoons and your occasional rant.

    Having done the Panama cruise from New York to Vancouver I know the cost of posting a daily blog. So I really truly appreciate the effort and cost that it takes to keep a blog like yours going.

    Thanks.

    mike…

  2. B.E. Earl says:

    I can’t believe this was the exception. Every Margaritaville I’ve ever been to has sucked. The one in New Orleans isn’t awful, but there is a bar across the street with much better food and much better booze. Fuck Margaritaville!*

    *This coming from a life-long parrot-head.

  3. Patty says:

    Sorry to hear the food sucked at Margaritaville. I agree, the other ones I’ve been to in FL and NV were good. I used to live in Cayman before all the touristy restaurants were there and the local places are always the better choice. I do love the beaches there. And you missed diving with the stingrays? No diving at all or did ya? It is real nice diving on the North end of the island and some spots west. But of course, I was there before the big hurricane so don’t know what it’s like these days. Oh, but I do miss my previous career teaching scuba down there. It was fun while it lasted.

  4. Mooselet says:

    I was married on Grand Cayman in 2000 after a hurricane got to St. Thomas before we did and sent our cruise ship west instead of east. The reverend was Mr. Mahgoo – I swear I’m not making that up. Thick glasses and everything. I’d like to go back sometime and I will avoid the cold nachos.

  5. can you go back and steal that turtle from the last turtle picture for me? LOVE its color. love turtles!

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