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Feelings

Posted on Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

Dave!"WHY DID YOU PULL IN SO CLOSE?!?? she screamed over the train siren.

"BECAUSE I NEED GAS, AND SINCE YOU PULLED UP BETWEEN PUMPS, THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN REACH MY CAR WITH THE HOSE!" I screamed back.

"BUT NOW I CAN'T PULL OUT!!!" she yelled, pumping gas with one hand while putting her free hand on her hip in disgust.

"DOESN'T YOUR CAR GO IN REVERSE? IF IT DOESN'T, MAYBE YOU SHOULD PARK IN FRONT OF ONE PUMP INSTEAD OF TWO NEXT TIME!" I said, rolling my eyes into the back of my head.

"YOU DON'T GO TELLING ME HOW TO PARK!" she bellowed, wagging her finger at me.

"♬ FEELINGS! NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS! TRYING TO FORGET MY FEELINGS...
OF LOOOOOOOOVE!! ♬"

"YOU SHOULD HAVE WAITED BEFORE BLOCKING ME IN!" Now she's really mad. I guess nobody appreciates Morris Albert anymore?

"♬ FEEEEEELINGS! WHOA OH OH FEEEEEELINGS! ♬"

I'm sure everybody at the mini mart thought I was crazy, but singing "Feelings" at the top of my lungs was the only thing I could think of to keep me from telling this stupid bitch to go fuck herself.

I finished filling up my tank, grabbed my receipt, hopped in my car, then pulled away. She was still filling up her gas-guzzling SUV as I was pulling out of the parking lot. I'd like to say that she got to leave without learning how to drive in reverse, but another car was pulling in right after me.

It's stupid crap like this day after day that makes me want to stick my head in an oven.

Or sing "Feelings."

One or the other.

   

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Categories: DaveLife 2011Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. eddie says:

    *insert random hate comment here*

  2. We get that a lot down here in the winter when the snowbirds abound. 100 years old, hardly tall enough to see over the steering wheel, and taking up almost the entire side of a pumping station! Best one I ever saw was an old man who had some sort of 80′s Cadillac land yacht who parked up the MIDDLE of an entire lane in the gas station. Maybe it was a small station, or his behemoth was just HUGE, but he blocked all 4 gassing stations!! Yes, I said all 4!! I guess common courtesy has died.

  3. Sybil Law says:

    I think I’ll sing some Chaka Khan next time.

    Seriously – what a dumb bitch!

  4. Howard says:

    Such an awesome story. Who cares why! You just made “Feelings” palpable again.

  5. A. Lewis says:

    Feelings. I like that. Cause I would have told her off good. And then sang to her.

  6. Sarkawt says:

    David, you’re incredibly awesome and funny~! I laughed a lot at how you reacted to this situation singing Morris Albert! Man, you drove her crazy :-)

  7. the muskrat says:

    Your way of saying it keeps Tipper Gore and the FCC at bay, at least.

  8. Wade says:

    Funny story, although I couldn’t help but “feeling” I was about to be Rick Rolled while watching the video : )

  9. Faiqa says:

    But… she told *you* how to park. I bet she feels dumb now. Actually. Probably not.

  10. Jen says:

    I wish I could have seen this. I would have given you a standing ovation.

  11. David says:

    Awesome. I love that strategy.

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