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Newyorkable

Posted on Thursday, May 1st, 2008

Dave!When the alarm clock went off at 4:30am, I was genuinely puzzled, because I didn't set the alarm. After managing to turn the stupid thing off, I noticed a strange itch starting inside the right-side of my tongue. Kind of like a mosquito bite, but without the mosquito. Thinking I must have bit my tongue in the middle of the night, I ignored it the best I could and fell back asleep.

So imagine my surprise when I woke up a few hours later to discover that the right-side of my tongue had swollen severely, and nearly filled my mouth. It had grown to about an inch thick for no apparent reason, but somehow didn't affect my breathing. It wasn't painful, but it was very, very uncomfortable.

Consulting Google searches, I eventually figured out this was most likely something called "Angiodema" which may be caused by an allergic reaction, or stress. Apparently there's nothing you can really do for it except take an anti-histamine until the swelling goes down. I decided to ignore it, thinking that stressing about it would only make things worse.

Fortunately, as the day wore on, my tongue started shrinking back to normal and is doing just fine now. Hopefully it stays that way.

After making our way from Newark Liberty Airport into the city, we checked into our hotel and then headed down the street to Rockefeller Plaza...

Vahid at Rockefeller Plaza

From there it was a quick subway ride shouth for a totally brilliant showing of Murakami artwork at The Brooklyn Museum. I am a huge, huge fan of Murakami, and his art has inspired a lot of things in the DaveToons I draw. Like this Murakami tribute I made using his happy flowers...

Murakami Dave!

You couldn't take photos in the exhibit, but there were some cool pieces outside in the lobby...

Murakami Exhibit

Murakami Exhibit

After the museum, we headed to the Upper-West Side to check out the Museum of Natural History and the Space Museum...

Museum of Natural History Planetarium

But the real highlight here is the dinosaurs... like this totally evil "Ann Coulter Fish," which I named because of the uncanny resemblance to the stupid bitch...

Ann Coulterfish

Of course the have real dinosaurs too, but they aren't quite as scary as the AnnCoulterFish...

Museum of Natural History

And, naturally, we had to pay homage to the Holy Land and visit the beautiful Apple Store Cube after walking through Central Park...

Apple Store Cube NYC

Back in Times Square, we noticed that Avitable must have enjoyed his pedicure immensely, because has apparently opened up a spa here in New York. It's nice to know that guys can finally have a place of their own to go be all pretty...

Spa Avitable!

And Naked Cowboy was, of course, there to sing along...

Naked Cowboy!

When the dinner hour came, we headed to a restaurant where we were trying to decide if we wanted to eat there or not. But as soon as I saw this...

Pasta Lovers

I was 100% sold on us eating there. Because of this...

Elizabeth Hurley Loves Pasta!

Yes... OMFG... ELIZABETH HURLEY ATE THERE!! Sweet! I could totally feel her presence!

All-in-all it was a pretty busy day.

Radio City Music Hall

I guess we'll see what excitement tomorrow brings.

   

Newyorkatoria

Posted on Friday, May 2nd, 2008

Dave!IRON MAN, BITCHES!!!

There was no real plan today. About the only thing any of us knew was that we were going to see Iron Man at 4:00. Everything else was just a matter of narrowing down the million options for things to do in New York City and picking something. Which is a heck of a lot more difficult than you'd think.

Down the street from our hotel is the beautiful Grand Central Station, so we stopped by for a quick look...

Grand Central Station

Eventually it was decided that the main goal for the day was to go up the Empire State Building for an aerial view of Manhattan. Unfortunately, New York City has been under a perpetual fog blanket all morning, and visibility at the top was zero, so we decided to take a pass. Instead we headed downtown to see what progress was being made at the World Trade Center site. Along the way, we passed by Macy's, which was hosting an exhibit of Iron Man movie props in their exterior displays. There were little pieces littered from window to window like Tony Stark business cards, prototype armor boots, and the electro-magnet that keeps Tony's heart beating...

Iron Man Props at Macy's

But the big prize was the Iron Man Mach-1 armor! Totally sweet!!

Iron Man Pano Macy's

As if I didn't want to see the movie bad enough already!

The last time I was at WTC Ground Zero, there was still a lot of debris, but it's all gone now, and things are finally starting to take shape. It's no less emotional, however...

World Trade Center

World Trade Center

Unfortunately, it's really difficult to see anything. On the contrary, it's almost as if they were trying to obstruct your view of the site in every way possible. I have no idea what the reasoning is for this, but the only remotely viewable area is from a skybridge nearby...

World Trade Center

Back to the Empire State Building, where the fog looked like like it might be clearing up, but the operator assured us there was still no visibility at the top. Time for a "B-Plan." We headed up to Central Park to wander through The Metropolitan Museum of Art for a while...

Paprika Painting

Then it was time to meet up with Eve and Dave3 from Geeks of Doom for IRON MAN!!

IRON MAN!

Totally awesome movie! I dare say it's the best super-hero comic book movie made since the original Superman and Superman II. As expected, Robert Downey Jr. was flawlessly brilliant in his portrayal of Tony Stark. It's hard to imagine how anybody else could have played the role, really. Plenty of action. Plenty of story. Totally faithful to the comic book source material. Can you really ask for anything else?

After an incredible vegetarian dinner at Quantum Leap in The Village, we ended the night at The Apple Store Soho.

And now it's 11:30 and time to rest-up for tomorrows pilgrimage to Philadelphia.

I can't wait.

Categories: Movies 2008, Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink  21 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

TQ2008

Posted on Saturday, May 3rd, 2008

Dave!It was just one night.

But the memories will last a lifetime.


TequilaCon 2008

TequilaCon 2008.

Epic.

Win.

Thanks to everybody for an awesome evening!

Until next year...

   

Bullet Sunday 79

Posted on Sunday, May 4th, 2008

Dave!After skipping Bullet Sunday last week to announce the winners for Blogography's Kick-Ass Fifth Blogiversary Celebration, I'm back and fully loaded in Newark, New Jersey!

• Shop. My apologies for everybody who has been patiently waiting for the Artificial Duck Co. Store to re-open. TequilaCon kind of took priority after I found out that I would have to change all the shipping rates now that the post office is raising prices again. When I get back tomorrow night, I'll get to work on that and (finally) open the store for business. Hopefully you'll find it worth the wait.

• Edgeless. AT&T's "Edge" data network for my iPhone has always been crappy. It's painfully slow. Even worse, you can never tell if your connection has stalled, or is just running slower than usual. But this weekend AT&T reached new depths of f#@%ing shitty service in that there was NO Edge service in downtown Philadelphia all weekend. I can only guess that things keep getting worse because more and more people are buying iPhones and overloading the network, but I don't give a crap about that. I pay a chunk of money every month to have mobile internet access, and AT&T is failing to provide it. If things don't change soon, I smell a lawsuit (if there isn't one underway already). FAIL!!

• New Yorked. The problem with visiting New York City is that there is never enough time to do all the things you want to do. As I am getting ready to leave, I find myself wanting just one more day back in the city. Or a week. Possibly a month. Why oh why can't I have billions of dollars so problems like this weren't an issue?

• Tequila. Ah yes. TequilaCon 2008. It's practically impossible to sum up in a mere bullet point just how awesome an experience it was. Meeting so many bloggers for the first time was cool, of course... but what made this year such an epic success story was how great everybody was. So nice... so friendly... so much fun... such a terrific bunch of people... it was impossible not to feel as if you were amidst long-time friends. Which, of course, many of us already were (albeit virtually). And, by the end of the night, everybody became. I continue to be amazed at how every blogger event I've ever been to has been so fantastic. And TequilaCon 2008 is easily the top of the heap. A huge thank-you to Jenny for pulling it all together again this year. You are amazing...

Jenny at TequilaCon
Jenny celebrates TequilaCon Rockettes' style! We love you Jenny!

• Photogenic. Many of my photos have been uploaded to a set on my Flickr account (which you can find here). Jenny has also set-up a Flickr Group Pool where everybody can upload their photos (which you can find here). If you attended and have photos to share (be kind!), please contribute!

TequilaCon '08
Blue Steel, baby! My brutally hot sexiness cannot be denied!

TequilaCon '08
Dee Dee and I lend a helping-hand to TequilaCon co-founder Brandon!

TequilaCon '08
It's Tequila Man! And, yes, we are all completely sober in this shot!

And now, it's time for bed. Where I am sure to be dreaming about TequilaCon 2009.

   

Prideful

Posted on Monday, May 5th, 2008

Dave!What's better than arriving home exhausted and smelling like airplane?

Arriving home and having your internet fail just as you are writing up your latest blog entry! Sweet!

While waiting for Hilly and "The Sheraton Posse" to get back from the "Rocky Steps" the other day... Dustin, Vahid, and I decided to grab some lunch and wander through the Philadelphia Pride Street Fair that was going on a block from our hotel. One thing is for sure, the gays know how to throw down a party! Everybody was there...

Philly Pride Fair

Philly Pride Fair

Despite being straight and clueless as to much of what was going on, we had a good time. Probably because Dustin managed to find a gelateria that sold authentic Italian gelato! As I entered the shop I was hoping against hope they would have stracciatella, and they DID...

Stracciatella Gelato!

Crazy deliciousness ensued.

But all was not perfect.

Because heaven forbid that people should get together to hang out and have fun when there are haters out there determined to spoil everything. Bring on the anti-gay militia protesters...

Philly Pride Fair
BAD LETTER SPACING IS SIN, PROPER KERNING CAN SET YOU FREE!

By far my favorite protesters were the "ex-gays." People who were once gay, but then found Jesus and became straight. And there's nothing wrong with that. I think people should be whoever they want to be, and if somebody decides that homosexuality isn't right for them, then by all means turn in your rainbow flag and enjoy your new-found hetero lifestyle. But to say that your decision is the correct one, and everybody else should live exactly as you do isn't the least bit narcissistic...

Philly Pride Fair
Deep down, I'd say he misses the cock, and came here to boy-watch.

Now, to be fair, many of these protesters are not actually coming from a place of hate. They genuinely believe that they are showing love by trying to "save" sinners from eternal damnation. Their interpretation of The Bible tells them that homosexuality is a one-way ticket to hell, and they love the gays so much that they are willing to risk being ridiculed and despised to help them out. And that's fine... I can respect that. Everybody has to live according to their beliefs...

Philly Pride Fair
Apparently Matthew 7 is missing from his Bible.

But when you decide to protest INSIDE the street fair, I don't care what "place of love" you are coming from... that makes you a fucking asshole. You are disrupting the event and intruding on other people's happiness. If you simply must wave your little signs of condemnation, do it OUTSIDE the street fair. That way, you get your message across just fine (because everybody attending has to enter and exit) but without being complete douchebags...

Philly Pride Fair
Disrupting an event to feel better about yourself isn't prideful?

But my real problem here is that the protesters are just plain ignorant of the scripture they use to judge others, and I find it ironic that I know The Bible better than most of them do. I am not a Christian, but I have read The Bible in its entirety more than once, and have spent time studying it (both on my own and in study groups from no less than a half-dozen different churches). Just because I choose to base much of my belief system on Buddhist teachings does not automatically make me ignorant of Christianity, even though that's the conclusion most Conservative Christians seem happy to draw...

Philly Pride Fair
Boastful and abusive, she apparently skipped over 2 Timothy 3:1-5.

For example, take this one (ironically, the flip-side of the sign above)...

Philly Pride Fair
I reads The Bible real good... ask me!

I wonder if the rude bitch holding up this sign has any clue as to the meaning and history behind the scripture she is quoting. Given the context, it is fairly obvious that she is focusing on the word "effeminate" to mean "gay" and is pretty much telling all the hetero-challenged fornicators at the street fair that they are going to hell. Apparently the only "kingdom" the gays get is "The Magic Kingdom" in Walt Disney World.

Or is it?

Because "effeminate" as it pertains to this passage from The Bible has absolutely nothing to do with being some kind of "sissy-boy homosexual." I am fairly certain it is instead referring to an entirely different meaning of the word (weakness through over-refinement) and is talking about delicacy or weakness of faith and spirituality... not delicacy of manhood (which is kind of sexist when you think about it). I know this because I questioned the passage when I had first read it and decided to do some research. As anybody who has studied translations of ancient texts will confirm, you can't always take things at face value, so you pretty much have to do research. Now, obviously, somebody could take their personal belief that being gay is a weakness of faith and spirituality and deem this passage relevant to their cause, but that's another argument. An argument I wouldn't respect unless the person doing the arguing was well-studied on how The Bible has been changed during translation from Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic... and how it has been drastically altered and revised over the years to accommodate the whims of man... not God.

But something tells me that this would not be the people seen here. They haven't the decency or class to be respectful of others and protest outside the event... so I'm guessing they don't have the smarts to debate scripture with any kind of intelligence.

Still, I can't help but wonder how these douchebags would react if somebody decided to hold a protest in their church during services? After all, "...whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them." —Matthew 7:120*

   

*For a very informative take on this "Golden Rule" take a look at this. Amazing how we are all so much more alike than we are different.

Categories: Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink  45 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

TequilaQ

Posted on Tuesday, May 6th, 2008

Dave!I've been getting a steady stream of comments and emails from people asking questions about TequilaCon. Since Jenny appears to still be in recovery, I've done my best to answer them.

How did TequilaCon get started?
Jenny gave a brief overview when she announced TequilaCon 2006. In summary, to quote Admiral Ackbar... "IT'S A TRAP!" Jenny tricked two fellow bloggers into meeting her in Chicago.

How many TequilaCons have there been?
Four... Chicago (September 26th, 2005), New York (May 7th, 2006), Portland (March 10th, 2007), and Philadelphia (May 3rd, 2008).

Who decides where TequilaCon is going to be held?
Co-cofounders Jenny and Brandon make the decision in consultation with the Official TequilaCon Planning Posse.

Where is the next TequilaCon going to be?
If Jenny knows, she's not telling! She usually makes a final decision and posts an announcement three months or so before the event so everybody wanting to attend has time to make plans. The location seems to bounce between the East Coast, Mid-West, and West Coast, so I'm guessing next time won't be in the East (since there was just a TequilaCon in Philadelphia).

Any chance for a TequilaCon outside the USA?
I'm guessing no, but never say never! TequilaCon is mostly attended by US bloggers, so having it outside of the US would make it difficult for past TequilaConners to attend. Maybe Jenny and Brandon will decide to have an international "satellite event" in addition to TequilaCon one year but, so far as I know, there are no plans for it.

Is TequilaCon an invitation-only event?
Nope! Anybody can come. All you need to do is send Jenny an email once she opens registration so she knows how many people are going to be there. Watch her blog over at Run Jen Run for news and TequilaCon happenings.

Can I bring my spouse/lover/friend/significant other?
If you think they won't be bored hanging out with bloggers all night, then sure! Be sure to include your +1 when you send Jenny your registration info.

How much does it cost to attend?
To attend the event itself has been free. But your travel expenses, lodging expenses, and any expenses at the event (food, drinks bowling, whatever) are your responsibility.

If I don't have a blog, can I still attend?
If bloggers you'd like to meet are going to be there, then sure!

If I don't drink alcohol, can I still attend? What if I don't like tequila?
Of course you don't have to drink tequila (or any kind of alcohol at all!) to attend. But please keep in mind that this is TEQUILACON and alcohol will be served. Drunken behavior will ensue. If this bothers you, then you may want to reconsider attending... the last thing anybody wants is for you to be uncomfortable.

Why name badge lanyards?
The first TequilaCon I attended (#3 last year) was held at The Kennedy School in Portland, OR. This was an amazing venue for the event, but it's huge. There was some concern that people showing up wouldn't be able to find fellow TequilaConners amongst the crowd of people, so I decided to make name badge lanyards. Once TequilaCon was over, they made a fun memento of the event, so I decided to make them again this year.

A bunch of TequilaCon Badges on lanyards laying on a table.

What's with the buttons?
Lanyards themselves are kind of boring, so I bring lots of button "flair" so people can customize their name badges to suit their individual tastes. It's just something fun to do. There are three kinds of buttons, as you can see here being modeled by Jenny as she drops "Blue Steel" on you...

Jenny wearing buttons that have been pinned to her name badge lanyard.

  • Alumni Buttons... You get these for attending past TequilaCons. Jenny, having attended them all, has Alumni Buttons for Chicago (#1), New York (#2), Portland (#3), and Philadelphia (#4).
  • Blogger Buttons... If I've met you before, I reward your awesome Dave Numberness by giving you a baggie of custom buttons made just for you and your blog. Jenny here has buttons she traded with Avitable, Karl, Miss Britt, Herself, Vahid, Dustin, Me, and Delmer.
  • Ducky Buttons... Jenny is sporting three buttons from the Artificial Duck Co. Store... Wind-Up Duck on Blue, TequilaCon Poster 2008, and Skull & Crossbones on black (because Jenny is bad-ass and rolls like that).

What happens to the lanyards made for people who don't show up?
The lanyards are a take-home souvenir of the event. If somebody didn't show up, their lanyard is destroyed.

And, lastly, a question asked specifically of me...

Are you mad at people who said they were coming to TequilaCon, but didn't show up?
No. Well, maybe. If somebody got sick or had something come up at the last-minute, then of course I'm not mad. That's life, and shit happens. But I will admit to being a little upset with people who know in advance that they are not coming and didn't bother to let Jenny know so she can tell me not to make them a lanyard and buttons. The materials to make this stuff costs money, which I'm happy to donate, but I don't like throwing money away when I don't have to.

And that's all she wrote! More TequilaCon photos have been added to the Flickr Group pool, so if you want to see what all the fuss is about, here's the link.

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  30 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Reopening

Posted on Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

Dave!The Artificial Duck Co. Store will be reopening tomorrow, May 8th, at 12:00 noon, Seattle Time (click here to see when that is in your corner of the world).

It may be a week later than I had wanted (dang you TequilaCon!!), but things ended up being a lot more complicated than I had planned. It seemed that for every step in progress I made, something popped up to knock me back. Add the graphics... lose the text. Transfer the shipping table... have to update the postage costs. Publish the database... find a table has gone missing. It was enough to drive me insane.

But it's all done.

The only thing left to do is test everything in the morning to make sure it's working. Then we reopen at noon...

DAVETOON! Bad Monkey wearing an Artificial Duck T-Shirt while holding playing cards fanned out.

Finally.

   

In less-happy news...

Why is it that cool stuff always seems to happen just after I leave somewhere?

I left New York on Monday, so naturally today is the day that The Metropolitan Museum of Art decided to start an exhibit called Super-Heroes: Fashion and Fantasy...

The cover to the Super Fashion Guide exhibit book from The Met.

I'm not really into fashion, but I think it would be very cool to see how stuff from comic books has influenced clothing in Real Life. Oh well, it's open until September, so maybe I'll have a chance to see it before it's gone. If not, I'm hopeful that somebody at Geeks of Doom will review the show.

Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to go to bed early and dream that a giant rock falls on Hillary Clinton.

NEWSFLASH: IT'S OVER!

Categories: DaveToons 2008Click To It: Permalink  21 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Buy!

Posted on Thursday, May 8th, 2008

Dave!I am so... tired... I guess the word would be.

I finally managed to catch up on the work I missed while I was goofing off in New York and Philadelphia. It wasn't easy and required three 18 hour days, but it's done.

I also finally managed to get the Artificial Duck Co. store up and running. It definitely wasn't easy and required lots of screaming (plus lots of time I didn't have), but it's done.

So now everybody needs to go buy Blogography playing cards.

Because these babies are priced to move! Depending on how many decks you order, you can get them for as little as $2.50 each! So buy playing cards for everybody you know... they make great gifts!

Blogography Face Cards showing Lil' Dave dressed up as Kings, Queens, and Jacks.

I wish that I could do something constructive with my exhaustion... like sleep. Isn't that what normal people do?

Insomnia sucks ass.

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink  31 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Redrawn

Posted on Friday, May 9th, 2008

Dave!I've had a few comments, emails, tweets, and such asking me if the Blogography Playing Cards feature any material inappropriate for children. The answer is no. They originally featured some violence back when I was ordering 200 decks, but once I decided to order 1000+ decks, I needed to change my plans so that the playing cards had the broadest audience possible. This involved re-drawing fifteen cards, but I think the end result is worth the effort because now everybody can play with them.

As an example, in the Bad Monkey sci-fi story I've shown, the purple tentacle monster originally bites the head off the red-shirt monkey on the 7 of spades (isn't that what always happened in Star Trek?). But once I realized kids would be playing with the cards, I had to come up with something different. The "horror" story that runs on the clubs cards involved the most changes... it was kind of gory, so I had to start over from scratch to make it kid-friendly. Still a cute story though. The diamonds "adventure story" cards required no changes, and the hearts "romance story" cards only needed one change.

What I'll probably do is post the original vs. new illustrations on my blog once the decks have all been shipped (don't want to spoil the stories!). That way everybody can see how the playing card project changed from when I first designed it.

I am really excited to get my hands on these cards. Creating them has been the most fun I've had on a graphic design project in quite a while.

DAVETOON! Bad Monkey wearing a fedora and holding a whip, Indiana Jones style.

Right now I am clinging to the fun I had on the project, because I'm in the middle of paying my medical bills for the emergency room visit I had last month. I'm going to end up paying over $1,900 for something that could have been solved by renewing my $13 prescription for pain medication.

Oh well.

Who needs rent money or food when I have kidney stone memories?

They last forever!

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink  15 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Photograph

Posted on Saturday, May 10th, 2008

Dave!The other day I got an email telling me how totally hot I am, and then went on to ask me if I have always been hot... or if I used to be not-hot and somehow transitioned to hotness.

Well, okay, that's not exactly what the email said.

It actually said "you should post old pictures of yourself on your blog!"

But I was able to read between the lines.

The reason I don't post old photos on my blog is because I just don't have very many of them. I've never really liked having my picture taken, so lots of the images I have is me being all shy and refusing to look at the camera and stuff...

Old photo of Dave avoiding the camera while wearing too-tight jeans, a blue T-shirt, and a flowing white dress shirt tucked into his jeans which is opened to the navel.
80's fashion was so cruel. This look would be better without the T-shirt.

Dave laying on a couch with his foot propped up while hiding his face from the camera and wearing impossible short turquoise shorts.
I twisted my ankle and was delirious with pain... which explains my wearing short shorts.

Most of the photos where I'm not hiding myself from the camera have friends or family in them, and I make a point not to discuss or show my non-blogging-friends or family on my blog. Except this once...

Dave wearing short shorts being comically pulled up a Hawaiian jungle trail by a girl.
I have a paralyzing fear of tree moss.

The only other photos I can find of me where I'm not hiding or with other people are usually ones that catch me unaware and looking goofy...

Dave as a totally hot young man looking back while driving a car.
If only this poor bastard knew what lays ahead for him.

Dave drying his hair with a hair dryer, back when he had lots of hair.
I have always complained about my hair... but I wouldn't mind having this hair back.

Dave sitting on a Hawaiian beach with his camera looking disappointed and wearing shorts that are too short.
DO NOT F#@% WITH ME MUTHA-F#@%A!!! I'M TAKING SUNSET PICTURES HERE!

So there you have it. Old pictures of me. I hope you're happy now.

There are few more on this entry, if you haven't had enough punishment already.

And now it's time for me to wash clothes and get back to work.

Which sounds a lot more fun than it actually is, I assure you.

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink  44 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Bullet Sunday 80

Posted on Sunday, May 11th, 2008

Dave!Happy Mother's Day!

I don't feel much like typing right now, so I've decided to drop a video for today's 80th edition of Bullet Sunday here at Blogography!


For my valued readers who are deaf, have hearing difficulties, don't have sound, or can't play video, a transcript of the video has been added in an extended entry.

Have a super awesome week everybody!

On to the transcript...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

   

Eyes

Posted on Monday, May 12th, 2008

Dave!I thought it would be funny to wear makeup for my video entry yesterday... implying that I went to Mother's Day brunch in goth-face (which, of course, I didn't).

After I had recorded the video, I scrubbed all the makeup off my face and went on with my life.

Then this morning as I was brushing my teeth, I noticed something odd. The lipstick, eye shadow, and mascara were gone, but the eye-liner was still there. So I washed again. But it didn't go away. Scrubbing made some progress, but it was also painful.

So I went to work with eye-liner on.

I guess this means the joke was on me.

DAVETOON! Lil' Dave with heavy black eye-liner holding up a sign that says 'insane'.

Except...

I totally think I can pull off wearing eye-liner now!

Next up?

I am going to start wearing a cape!

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink  47 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Changes

Posted on Tuesday, May 13th, 2008

Dave!Today I drove into the neighboring metropolis of Wenatchee, Washington for a hospital visit. I rarely drive into the city except to use the airport, but today I decided to take some back-roads to avoid the horrendous traffic on my way home.

And found out that everything had changed.

Wenatchee Valley College has radically expanded their campus... adding some small buildings along with one large building that's as big as the entire school was when I attended there. But that was just the beginning. Driving down the street I used to live on, I saw that almost all of the small orchards that used to line the road are gone... replaced with apartment complexes. New houses are crammed in everywhere. Street lights and traffic signals have been added to where there weren't street lights and traffic signals before. Crazy.

But that's just cosmetic.

There was another change awaiting me that was way more serious.

They moved a street!

After I got a veggie burger at the EZ Burger Drive-Thru for dinner, I was looping back around to go home when BLAM!!! I very nearly turned where a street didn't exist anymore. Apparently they decided to move the road so it would match up with the opposing cross-street to make a 4-way intersection...

A map showing the re-routing of a street from where it used to be in Wenatchee, Washington.

Which was kind of funny until I realized that had I not been paying attention, I could have ran my car onto the sidewalk and killed a nun.

A nun pushing a baby carriage.

A baby carriage with a baby in it.

Though it would obviously not be her baby because, well, you know...

Hmmm...

They probably give you the express lane to hell for that one.

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink  29 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Duality

Posted on Wednesday, May 14th, 2008

Dave!Lately it has been striking me funny how I am living two entirely separate lives.

There's my online life, which you are seeing here on my blog (plus on Flickr, Twitter, and so on). And my offline life, which is my friends, family, work, and such.

I used to have no problem keeping them separated, but they're starting to merge from time to time...

Lil' Dave staring at Lil' Dave as mirror-image copy.

I haven't yet decided if this is a good or bad thing.

Maybe if I sleep on it...

   

Angioedema

Posted on Thursday, May 15th, 2008

Dave!Ever have one of those days where everything sucks?.

Yeah, that was pretty much my day today... and tomorrow isn't looking like it's going to be much better.

But the big news? I've developed a serious allergy. It first appeared without warning when I woke up in New York with a swollen tongue. Ever since then, I've had random knots of allergic swelling from time to time on my feet, hands, lips, and tongue. It's been driving me a little nuts, but today the pieces finally fell into place after I started keeping a journal of everything I consume.

I think I'm allergic to eating food dyes.

After starting my journal, I've found that any time I've eaten colored foods, I end up with a welt somewhere. The first time it happened in New York City, I remember having drank a bottle of Orange Gatorade earlier in the day. Today I had red Fruit Punch with my Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes at Taco Bell, and now I've got a nice welt on my lip.

So it looks like my diet will be a lot less colorful from now on.

Like I said, suckage.

Thank heavens there's no artificial colors in chocolate pudding.

But there is one good bit of news from the day... I finally finished the box design for my playing cards!

Artificial Duck Co. Playing Cards box with Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey holding hands under a star-filled night sky.

Awwwww, cute! This is probably my favorite DaveToon I've ever drawn, so when it came time to decide what to put on the card box, it was the only thing I really considered. I hope that the card company does a good job of printing it!

For more information on Blogography Playing Cards, you can check them out at the Artificial Duck Co., store.

Next week I'll be wrapping up the pre-orders at the store... so, if you want something there, now is the time to order it! I will try to get a few extras of everything, but can't guarantee how long they'll be available. If you don't have the cash to pre-order right now, just email me and I'll try to reserve your stuff (my email is in the top of my sidebar).

Oog.

One. More. Day.

   

Oreo

Posted on Friday, May 16th, 2008

Dave!It's what's for dinner.


A single Oreo cookie.

   

   

Categories: Food 2008Click To It: Permalink  27 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Izzard!

Posted on Saturday, May 17th, 2008

Dave!The flight to Seattle was horrific thanks to some crazy bitch behind me who decided to drench herself in really stanky perfume. By the end of the short 35-minute flight, the plane and everything in it (including me) reeked of the stuff.

By comparison, my connecting flight to Chicago was blissfully uneventful and odor-free... though I couldn't tell because I was still smelling the previous flight. Helpful hint to dumbasses who are going to board a plane: DO NOT WEAR ANY PERFUME, SCENTS, OR (GOD HELP US) AXE BODY SPRAY!!! Once they close the cabin door, your stench is going to be having everybody wanting you dead. Probably because the smell of your rotting carcass would help mask the nasty shit you're wearing.

Arriving at O'Hare was... ahem... interesting, and led to some drama I'd just as soon forget.

Which is easy to do when you are meeting one of the coolest people on earth for dinner, and then heading to see Eddie Izzard perform at The Chicago Theater!

The marquee of the Chicago Theater showing Eddie Izzard Stripped.

Eddie Izzard Stripped poster with Eddie in a provocative pose as usual.

Good times. Good times.

I wish I didn't have to get up at 7:00am tomorrow. This was a very full day.

Categories: Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink  31 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Bullet Sunday 81

Posted on Sunday, May 18th, 2008

Dave!w00t! Today it's Bullet Sunday from one of my favorite cities: CHICAGO!!

• Johhny. After struggling to catch up with work all morning, I decided to take the train into the city... even though the CTA has both the Blue-Line and the Red-Line under construction. A Johnny Rockets veggie burger was calling me. And since Chicago has one of my favorite restaurants in the chain, it would be worth the effort. Imagine my surprise when I get there to find that my beloved Johnny Rockets on Rush Street had CLOSED!! I was equally sad and enraged, and I don't think I'm ever going to recover. Goodbye Johnny, you will be missed...

Johnny Rockets restaurant on Rush Street in Chicago at night.

• Beautiful. I looked out the window and was happy to see that the weather had cleared up from the overcast skies and rain we had last night. It was beautiful out! Unfortunately, looks can be a bit deceiving, because it was actually chilly and windy. Fortunately, I had a jacket with me out of habit, because how would you expect to be cold on a day like this?

Looking up at Hancock Tower and the Chicago city skyline.

• Bean. After getting a surprise call from a former co-worker and meeting for coffee (her) and hot cocoa (me)... I met up with friends who were in the city from suburbia to do some shopping and go see Speed Racer (my review of the film along with reviews for two other movies I saw on the plane follows below). From there I decided to meet up with a current co-worker for dinner at the ever-excellent Pizano's Pizza and a walk through Millennium Park. I can't get enough of The Cloud Gate "Coffee Bean" sculpture, which was looking especially cool today...

Cloud Gate sculpture... a giant 'coffee bean' shape with a mirrored surface reflecting the Chicago city skyline.

Cloud Gate sculpture... a giant 'coffee bean' shape with a mirrored surface reflecting the Chicago city skyline.

• Movie #1: Jumper. One sentence review: A great concept diminished to a bucket of shit that not even Samuel L. Jackson can save. Didn't we suffer enough when Hayden Christensen played Anakin Skywalker in the shitty Star Wars sequels? NOTE TO FILMMAKERS: THIS GUY CANNOT ACT! STOP CASTING HIM IN MOVIES! But even putting the horribleness of Mannequin Skywalker aside, this is a mess of a film. Our story begins when young David Rice discovers he has the ability to teleport anywhere in the world he can visualize. This is handy, because his mother abandoned him to live with his abusive father, and "jumping" provides him with the escape he's been longing for. Using his new-found power to rob banks and live a life of excess that spans the globe, things go terribly wrong when jumper-hating "paladins" (led by Samuel L. Jackson) start hunting David... AND THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T FUCKING CARE! The story then turns into sheer idiocy, and I was salivating over the thought that Samuel L. Jackson will actually kill the stupid bastard. By the time the lame-ass "twist ending" was revealed, I was cursing the moment I decided to watch this joke of a film. FAIL!

• Movie #2: The Bucket List. Once sentence review: Brilliant performances rises above a pandering and fluff-laden script. Two of my all-time favorite actors? Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. I will watch anything they appear in. To have them both in the same film is absolute magic. The story is about a curmudgeon millionaire (Nicholson) and a genius garage mechanic (Freeman) who discover they have fatal illnesses which compel them to live their final days doing all those things they never got around to doing in life. The resulting ride is a fun one, mostly because the banter between the two leads is so fantastic and the acting note-perfect. If only the script could have been tightened to eliminate some of the more overtly manipulative sentimentality, it could have been elevated to greatness. As it is, it's a good film that tries too hard to find the "fun" side of death. WIN!

• Movie #3: Speed Racer. One sentence review: Complete and total failure of filmmaking on an epic scale that utterly devastates a beloved classic cartoon. What the hell happened? I have been looking forward to this film ever since I first glimpsed the previews that hit the internets. I was expecting a full-throttle, hyperactive film that pushes visual effects to new levels while redefining a childhood cartoon I loved. What I got was crap. A boring snore-fest of a movie that has shit-loads of stupid exposition and unnecessary drama that undermines any excitement you might get from the actual racing scenes (which are, admittedly, cool in a repetitive video-game kind of way). Just as the Wachowski Brothers managed to fuck-up an unfuck-upable franchise with the awful Matrix sequels, they have turned Speed Racer into a meandering, directionless film that sucks so badly that all the acting talent in the world (including Susan Sarandon, John Goodman, and Christina Ricci) can't keep it on track. Between the never-ending cut-wipe transitions that make you want to scream... and way, WAY too much time devoted to a mindless plot about evil businessmen secretly controlling all the world's racing events... it was all I could do to keep myself from walking out of the theater. EPIC FAIL!

DAVETOON! Lil' Dave dressed up as Speed Racer with Bad Monkey dressed up as Chim Chim while flipping the bird.

And that brings to an end another Bullet Sunday.

I totally should have watched Iron Man again.

• P.S. Every time I stay at a Sheraton hotel, the internet connection screen always has a photo of a guy smelling a melon. Can anybody tell me what the hell this has to do with anything?

Guy smelling a cantaloupe melon at a market stall.

   

Twittered

Posted on Monday, May 19th, 2008

Dave!As far as Mondays go, this one wasn't too bad. Though that's not to say there wasn't excitement. As anybody who follows my Twitter feed already knows, not only did I survive my Evil Driver trying to kill me... but I also fell in love with a girl on the train, found out that TinyURL can be used for diabolical purposes, and went broke because Howard compelled me to spend the last remainder of my bank account on music by The Weepies.

Being able to have access to the real internet at all times with iPhone has opened up entirely new opportunities for avoiding boredom while traveling or attending meetings. Not only can I update Twitter all day long, but I can also keep up with blogs quite easily (though, unfortunately, leaving comments with iPhone is a bit problematic... sorry about that).

I only wish that iPhone had a REAL GPS, because that would make my life of travel so much easier than their borderline-useless "faux-GPS" that's there now...

Faked map of Chicago on an iPhone with a target encircling the entire city saying 'You Are Here!'

Okay, it's not that bad, but still... I've lost track of the number of times I've screamed "NO F#@%ING SHIT" at iPhone for providing me with a generic non-location that covers 50 city blocks. How is that useful? Sure it's better than nothing, because you can narrow it down from there, but it's a far cry from being able to see exactly where you are on a map at a moment's notice.

Oh well.

Remember the good old days when you had to actually carry a paper map around for stuff like this?

Sigh.

I love to hate you my iPhone.

   

Alarm

Posted on Tuesday, May 20th, 2008

Dave!Why is it that technology is making life simpler in every area of creation except when it comes to setting an alarm clock??!?

It used to be that to set the alarm, you press and hold the ALARM button and adjust the hours and minutes until you have the time you want to wake up. Then you slide the OFF/RADIO/BUZZER switch to BUZZER and you're done. That's three out of four buttons and a slider switch until F#@%ING DONE!!!

But not any more.

The alarm clock at my hotel has TWENTY-ONE F#@%ING BUTTONS PLUS A SLIDER SWITCH (for Mega Bass)...

Sony alarm clock with a hideous number of complicated buttons.

To set your alarm you have to go through FIVE STEPS, two of which you have to repeat, which means there's SEVEN F#@%ING STEPS to set an alarm! It's so absurdly complicated that they have to give you an instruction card to figure the shit out...

Complicated instruction card for setting an alarm clock.

FAIL!!!

All the love I used to have for Sony products is gone. Because of this piece of shit alarm clock, I somehow didn't push enough buttons to set the alarm (even though the alarm indicator was lit?). So even though I got up at 4:30am and didn't need to be up until 6:00am, I was counting on the alarm to tell me what time I needed to stop working and get ready. But it didn't. Suddenly the extra time I had given myself to get ready and make it into the city for my meeting had evaporated because it was 6:45 by the time I looked over and noticed something was wrong.

Granted the stupid alarm clock has a CD player in it, but big f#@%ing deal... my iPhone has a MP3 player, clock, map, camera, calendar, calculator, notepad, web browser, and all kinds of other stuff in it... but has TWO BUTTONS!!

Half my kingdom for an Apple-designed alarm clock.

Work was at the delicious All-Candy Expo here in Chicago. I've bored everybody with accounts of all the cool stuff at the show in previous years, so I'll skip all that... but I did see two things that made me squeal like a little girl when I visited the PEZ booth. As long-time readers already know, I love PEZ. LOVE THE PEZ!!!

So imagine my delight when I saw that they are coming out with STAR TREK PEZ!!!

A PEZ collectible Star Trek Set with Original Series crew as PEZ dispensers

As if that wasn't enough, I turned the corner and saw one of the most amazing things ever... CHOCOLATE PEZ!!!

Bags of Chocolate PEZ candies hanging on a rack.

It's as if PEZ is starting to combine all the things I love best in life into a single product family. Next year I'm fully expecting that there will be an Elizabeth Hurley PEZ dispenser waiting for me.

After working the show for a bit, I was free for the day. Just two goals remained...

ONE... Go to America's Dog and get me a veggie-dog done up Chicago style (I was going to just put ketchup on it, but I didn't want to risk the wrath of RW's Hotdog Commandments!)...

A veggie hot dog decked out Chicago-style with mustard, tomatoes, pickle, peppers, and relish in a steamed poppy-seed bun.

TWO... Make up for the shitty experience of watching the horrific movie tragedy known as Speed Racer by going and seeing Iron Man yet again. Which I did, at the magnificent Muvico 18 Theater in Rosemont...

Muvico 18 building at night in Rosemont

I paid for "VIP Premiere Seating" which puts you in the balcony in a huge comfy seat that's reserved for adults only, so you can take a beer into the theater with you! According to Wikipedia, the Muvico 18 Rosemont is the first theater in the country to have Sony SRX 4K digital cinema projectors in all auditoriums, which means the picture quality and sound were frakin' amazing.

This is my third time watching Iron Man, and I can honestly say that I love it more with each new viewing. I'll probably see it two or three more times before it leaves theaters. I just can't help myself. Robert Downey Jr.'s performance is so sublimely awesome in every way... from his impeccable comedic timing to his note-perfect delivery... that I am positively mesmerized by the character of Tony Stark. The fact that the movie RESPECTS THE F#@%ING SOURCE MATERIAL AT EVERY TURN is just icing on the cake. A big thank you to director Jon Favreau for having the intelligence to understand that there's a f#@%ing REASON that iconic comic book characters have endured for so long, and it is insanely arrogant and stupid to reinvent the wheel when you've already got something that works and people want to see.

And what I really need to see right now is a pillow, because I have to be to the airport in 5 hours.

Yay.

   

Landing

Posted on Wednesday, May 21st, 2008

Dave!To the hundreds of people who asked me why I didn't set my iPhone alarm instead of using the crappy hotel alarm clock in my last entry... I did set my iPhone alarm clock. I always, always have a backup alarm when I'm traveling, because the consequences of missing a meeting or a flight are too dire to contemplate.

But I woke up early. There was no danger of over-sleeping. So I canceled my iPhone alarm and put it in my coat pocket so I wouldn't forget it. I then verified that the alarm clock was set, and went to work reviewing a massive stack of documentation and sketching out some concept roughs. Except the alarm never went off.

Oh well. It all worked out in the end.

As for today? My flights back home were completely uneventful.

Which is a good thing.

Though now I have nothing to blog about except how tired I am.

Perhaps next time I'll get lucky and my plane will have to make an emergency landing or something.

Categories: Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink  8 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Epinephrine

Posted on Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

Dave!After the tongue-swelling incident in New York a couple weeks ago, I've lived with the possibility that I'll have an allergic attack where my tongue or throat will swell so badly that I'll suffocate and die. Since I've got future plans which would be drastically upset by my death, I decided to visit the clinic today so I could get me an "epi-pen" prescription. Epi-pens contain adrenaline (epinephrine) which can be used to counteract a severe allergic reaction (among other things).

Picking up the prescription was both exciting and terrifying.

Terrifying because I have a fear of needles and blood.

Exciting because every time you see people use adrenaline in the movies, they whip out this giant needle and somebody gets stabbed in the heart. Like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction...

Uma Thurman getting stabbed in the heart by John Travolta in Pulp Fiction.

Or Nicholas Cage in The Rock...

Nicholas Cage stabbing himself in the heart with an adrenaline shot in The Rock.

Adrenaline kicks ass!

How awesome would it be to stab yourself in the heart with adrenaline?

Except...

I was reading the instructions and found out that you don't stab yourself in the heart, you stab yourself in the thigh. That's kind of lame...

Epipen Stabbing

Oh well. I guess it doesn't really matter where you stab yourself so long as you, yaknow, get to live and everything.

Something tells me I can get over my fear of needles if it meant me not dying.

At least one would hope so.

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink  33 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Squeeze

Posted on Friday, May 23rd, 2008

Dave!I spent half the day trying to figure out my schedule for the next four months and didn't get very far.

It's depressing how quickly the days fill up.

But it's not all bad news. The best thing about all the travel I do is getting to meet up with Blogography readers and fellow bloggers along the way...

DAVETOON! Dave Event Posters

If anybody wants to join in, I'll confirm dates about three weeks ahead of time. Watch this space!

  • Daveattle 2 • June 21, 2008. You would think that my close proximity to Seattle would have us at Daveattle 36 about now, but every trip to the Emerald City seems to be packed full with work and stuff, so it's not as easy as you might think. Still, last year was big fun, so I'm making time to do it again.
  • Davelanta 2 • July 19, 2008. Dave-Devil went down to Georgia, he was looking for Coke with Lime to steal. He was in a bind 'cos he could not find the elixir that makes him squeal. Oh well, he did meet with Beth and Kevin, and is looking forward to visiting again.
  • Dave Diego • July 26. I'll be taking a break from ComicCon to goof off with my SoCal blogger peeps.
  • Davecago 3 • August 9. The third year of eating, drinking, and blogging in The Windy City!
  • Dave Louis • August 19. The Grand Prize Winner of Blogiversary 5, Ajooja, has selected St. Louis (home of the first ice cream cone!) as the venue for his event. Maybe this time I will finally make it up that Gateway Arch!
  • Dave York 2 • TBA. I will be going back to New York sometime, and will undoubtedly try to work up some kind of blogger meet in The Big Apple.
  • ??? • TBA. I have this strange empty spot on my calendar moving around in September. I might need to take a little bit of vacation time here, but have no idea where it will be yet.
  • Dave Francisco 2 • TBA. I don't currently have a trip scheduled for San Francisco, but expect there will be one in late September or early October.
  • Dave Antonio • TBA. At some point before the year is out, I need to make a trip to San Antonio. Hopefully people in the Austin-San Antonio area will feel like tearing up the RiverWalk for some TexMex dinner, margaritas, and blogging fun!

In addition to all that, I am planning on showing up at Avitable's Halloween party on November 1st, and have five other trips that are squeezed in-between the ones listed above.

I'm tired just thinking about it all.

But definitely looking forward to meeting new friends and re-connecting with old ones!

Categories: Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink  38 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Secondhand

Posted on Saturday, May 24th, 2008

Dave!Maybe it's the three-day weekend, but motivating myself into getting anything done has been a real challenge. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like eating anything. And I certainly don't feel like blogging about anything. All I really want to do is climb into bed and go to sleep.

But here I am.

After my entry yesterday, somebody had asked why I didn't make travel posters for all the meet-ups I've been to. I didn't have a good excuse so, in-between work stuff, I went back and created the remaining graphics. You can see all of them on the Dave Events page...

DAVETOON! Travel posters for Dave Events past.

That's enough blogging for today, isn't it?

But before I go...

Sunday at 2:00pm Pacific (5:00pm Eastern) I will be appearing on Secondhand Radio with the KING OF ALL ONLINE MEDIA, Karl from Secondhand Tryptophan!

Poster for Karl's Secondhand Radio show on BlogTalk Radio.

Heaven only knows what Karl has in store for me, but he's a darn fine talk host, so it's sure to be interesting! If you want to join the online chat while the show is running, head on over to BlogTalk Radio and sign up for a FREE account!

I want Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for dinner.

Which is a perfectly healthy dinner if you eat them with a glass of milk.

Categories: Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink  22 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Bullet Sunday 82

Posted on Sunday, May 25th, 2008

Dave!It's a Three-Day Weekend Edition of Bullet Sunday here at Blogography!

• Meerkats. I am blogging early today, because there's a new Meerkat Manor Movie on Animal Planet Network tonight! A friend got me hooked on the show, which is like a really raunchy soap opera... but with cute furry animals instead of Joan Collins or J.R. Ewing. Sex, violence, betrayal, revenge, humor, life, death... Meerkat Manor has it all. This movie is supposed to go back to the beginning of the series to show how the meerkat Flower became leader of her tribe...

Cute little meerkats standing in the desert.

• Trainer. As I was pulling out the instruction booklet for my Epi-Pens, a plastic tube fell out. Wondering what it could be, I studied the label and found out it was a "Auto-Injector Training Device." Apparently, you are supposed to use it to practice stabbing yourself so you'll be ready if you should ever have to stab yourself with adrenaline for reals. To which I can only say "Oh hell no!" But then I stabbed a pillow with it and found out there's no needle inside, so now I'm having fun "stabbing" myself with it. I am so easily entertained.

• Karled. Thanks to Karl for having me on his Secondhand Radio show earlier today! The hour went by way too quickly, but you can catch it from the BlogTalk Radio archives here. Since time was tight, I didn't have time to pop up links to all the things we talked about, so here we go...

• Ordered. Pre-orders at the Artificial Duck Co. store will be ending Wednesday, May 28th of this coming week. I will order some extra hats and shirts to have on hand, but if you want to be sure of getting something you want, please order or email me with what you want so I can be sure I'll have it. I'm ordering plenty of extra playing cards, so those should be in stock for quite a while.

And that's all she wrote for now... because it's meerkat time...

Categories: Bullet Sunday 2008Click To It: Permalink  24 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Reaction

Posted on Monday, May 26th, 2008

Dave!Well, I can't say this has been a good turn of events.

Last night I had a sudden allergic reaction which caused hives to break out all over my body. The welts didn't itch, but they were painful to touch. And they looked kind of funny. In a bit of a panic, I swallowed a half-box of Benadryl and got my Epi-Pen ready... my lips were all tingly and I was afraid it was a precursor to some serious swelling of my tongue or throat. After a couple of hours the swelling stopped. This morning I woke up with nothing but pink splotches to remind me that it had even happened. Benadryl seems to work wonders, but the side-effect is that it puts me in a coma.

I'm trying to get an appointment with an allergist this coming week, but that scares me almost more than choking to death on a swollen tongue.

Worse-case scenario? I'm allergic to soy.

As a vegetarian, soy is a substitute for a lot of meat products I used to eat... hamburger, bacon, hotdogs... they're all soy-based products for me now. And, as far as I know, there is no substitute for this substitute.

Next worse-case scenario? I'm allergic to wheat.

Bread and pasta are such a hugely enjoyable part of my diet that the idea of losing them fills me with dread. Sure there are gluten-free breads... but they just don't taste as good.

Worst-case scenario after that? I'm allergic to dairy.

I've tried giving up dairy before when I wanted to switch to an all-vegan diet. I couldn't do it. Chocolate pudding and cheese are two of my favorite foods. I don't even want to contemplate my life without them. And what about ice cream and gelato? None of the substitutes are remotely close in taste and texture.

I could, of course, adapt to whatever diet was necessary... if necessary.

But not being able to sit down to a veggie burger with cheese and a chocolate pudding for dessert?

I don't know how I'll be able to deal with that.

And now it's time for another dose of Benadryl and another coma.

At least I'm getting some sleep out of the deal.

Categories: Food 2008Click To It: Permalink  51 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Horror

Posted on Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

Dave!When I found out that the minimum order to get decent pricing on the Blogography Playing Cards was much, much, higher than expected... I had to make some changes. I decided to make the cards be suitable for children and expectant mothers, and appeal to a wider audience. The hope was that I'd sell more decks of cards (thus being able to sell them a better price) if more people could play with them.

After the decision was made, the rest was easy. I just grabbed my MacBook Pro and redrew the world I had created to be less violent and gory. In the end, the cards turned out even better, because I was forced to be more clever by resolving the stories without ripping the head off a monkey or splashing blood across the panel. In this new world, even the horror stories can have a happy ending...

Blogography Playing Cards Illustration

If only I had such power in reality.

If only I could redraw the world so that the violence was erased and everybody got a happy ending.

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink  19 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Stupid

Posted on Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

Dave!I usually wait until the end of the day to blog because then I have a day's worth of events to pick from. But this morning after I turned on the news, I knew exactly what I was going to blog about today... there's no need to wait.

And it's this... I am so fucking sick of stupid.

Honestly, I am beyond tired of the daily bombardment of stupid that assaults me on a daily basis. Turn on the television? Stupidity. Pick up a newspaper? Stupidity. Read a magazine? Stupidity. Cruise through the internet? Heinous stupidity.

And don't think for a minute I am excluding my own blog here. I fully admit that bitching about menial crap and drawing cartoons of drunken monkeys is far from brilliant. I may joke to the contrary, but I honestly have no pretense that Blogography is anything but "stupid crap daily." In fact, as anybody who was at TequilaCon can confirm, I proudly hand out buttons proclaiming just that...

Stupid Crap Daily Buttons with Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey on them.

But the difference here is that I REALIZE this is all stupid crap, and can say with some confidence that MY stupid crap is pretty much harmless.

It's the people out there who actually BELIEVE their stupid crap... the people who are causing real damage with THEIR stupid crap... those are the ones who are making me fall to new depths of despair.

The relentless stream of hatred and intolerance. The ceaseless persecution in the name of religion and morality. The persistent propagation of lies and fraud. The never-ending pessimism and greed. There's no escaping it. For the longest time I've been able to find it all amusing by laughing it off. But it's getting harder and harder to do that. Things have gone from "so stupid it's funny" to "so stupid it's tragic."

In weighing my options for dealing with this unwelcome reality, I had seriously considered becoming an alcoholic, a drug addict, or anything that would make it easier not to care. But why punish myself for the failing of others? Why sell everything I own and run away into the mountains? Why go insane and have myself committed? Why stick my head in the microwave and turn it to maximum-defrost?

Turns out I like myself too much.

So I came up with a new solution to the problem when it was time to make my breakfast.

Introducing pudi-cake-a-cookie.

Dave's Pudi-Cake-A-Cookie Dessert on a fancy paper plate.

You start with a big dollop of chocolate pudding, float a Little Debbie "Devil Square" snack cake on it... put a dollop of pudding on top of that... stack another Devil Square cake on top... then garnish with another dollop of chocolate pudding and stick a Golden Oreo cookie on the top. Presto! Breakfast is served!

Delicious! It's hard to be angry at the stupidity of the world when you're eating a pudi-cake-a-cookie.

If only I could find a way to get some ice cream in there.

That may very well be the answer to my staying sane until the presidential election is over.

Categories: DaveLife 2008, Food 2008Click To It: Permalink  42 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Runny

Posted on Thursday, May 29th, 2008

Dave!My allergies have escalated from random swelling and hives to random swelling and hives PLUS runny nose, sneezing, watery eyes, and mind-splitting headaches. The entirety of my day is spent overdosing on Claritin and Benadryl, then drinking Red Bull so I don't fall asleep and taking Ibuprofen so my head doesn't explode. This keeps me in a steady state of exhaustion and borderline paranoia that makes even simple tasks difficult.

It's a miserable existence, but that's The Way Things Are.

I wasn't able to get into the allergist this week, so now I have to put off that appointment because I'm on call for jury duty for the next two weeks. Since I've already re-scheduled jury duty twice, and don't have two weeks available for the rest of the year, I can't reschedule again. And since I'm working the week after that, the earliest I can make an appointment is the 23rd.

I'd say that I'm looking forward to all this ending in three weeks but, since there's no guarantee the allergist can fix anything, I'm not getting my hopes up.

Instead I'll just do my best to adapt to The Way Things Are, and try my best not to turn into a zombie...

DAVETOON! Lil' Dave is sick with his eyes closed and his tongue hanging out.

Though I have been craving human brains lately, so maybe it's already too late.

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink  29 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Televised

Posted on Friday, May 30th, 2008

Dave!My day was pretty much this: "No... I didn't watch the season finale of Lost. Thanks for asking."

I dropped the insanity of Lost after the "PUSH THE BUTTON" stupidity of 2005. Big questions were never getting answered, and the entire show consists of adding even more questions that probably won't be answered either. What's the point of watching if there's no pay-off? Hopefully, for the sake of those still devoted to the show, they wrap it up at the end. As for me? I'm done.

But not done with television. Because even though many shows have just ended their seasons, there are some most excellent shows coming up with fresh material this summer...

Summertv08

SUNDAY, JUNE 1st: Code Monkeys 2nd season premiere on the G4 Network (official site).
This animated show is lovingly rendered in faux old-school 8-bit graphics, and tells the story of coders working at an 80's video game company. Always entertaining, Code Monkeys is, at it's best, hysterically funny and even raunchier than South Park. If you are even remotely attuned to 80's geek culture, this is a must-see.

SUNDAY, JUNE 1st: In Plain Site series premiere on USA Network (official site).
I fell in love with Mary McCormack when she joined the cast of The West Wing as National Security Advisor to President Bartlet. When that gig ended, I always wondered where she'd turn up next. Turns out she's a US Marshal for the Federal Witness Protection Program. Cool enough. My hopes are running high, and I'll definitely be tuning in.

FRIDAY, JUNE 6th: Meerkat Manor, The Next Generation 4th season premiere on Animal Planet (official site).
Some of the hottest soap opera action ever to air on television just happens to star little fuzzy animals. Life, death, sex, loyalty, romance, betrayal, jealousy... and a never-ending struggle for survival... it's all here on Meerkat Manor. Shockingly addictive television that will ensnare you like few shows can, the third season replaces Sean Astin with Stockard Channing as narrator. Hopefully the drama is one thing that won't be changing.

THURSDAY, JUNE 12th: My Boys 2nd season premiere on TBS Network (official site).
A show that took me completely by surprise, My Boys is a comedy about a female professional sportswriter named PJ and the "boys" she's friends with. It's really well-written as far as comedies go, but the reason I love it so much is because the show is completely ingrained in its Chicago setting. The city is practically an 8th character. The first season ended in a massive cliffhanger that has had fans agonizing for months, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

MONDAY, JUNE 16th: Weeds 4th season premiere on Showtime (official site).
The show about pot-dealing widow Nancy Botwin just keeps getting better and better. What started as a fairly simple and straight-forward series has rapidly evolved to an intricate and complex drama with some of the darkest humor found to date. Showtime is promising that the 4th season will head in an entirely new direction, which both worries and excites me at the same time.

THURSDAY, JULY 10th: Burn Notice 2nd season premiere on USA Network (official site).
Another series that grabbed me from the first episode, Burn Notice is a clever reinterpretation of MacGyver, this time as a spy who is abandoned in Miami and has to put his skills to use in a new line of work. As if that wasn't cool enough, Bruce Campbell and Gabrielle Anwar round out the cast.

MONDAY, JULY 14th: The Closer 4th season premiere on TNT Network (official site).
Kyra Sedgwick is riveting as LAPD Deputy Police Chief Brenda Johnson, heading one of the best ensemble casts on television. I worry about the cases getting a bit repetitive, but they always seem to have enough interesting stuff going on in the periphery to keep the show from getting boring. As an added bonus, the lead out for this show is Saving Grace, the Holly Hunter vehicle that adds a new kind of bizarre to crime television.

FRIDAY, JULY 18th: Psych 3rd season premiere on USA Network (official site).
By all rights, this show about a fake Psychic detective should be worn out and buried by now (much like I consider Monk to be)... but somehow they manage to keep things fresh. This season, they cast Cybill Shepherd as Shawn's mom, so there's new season freshness right there.

There's something good on television!

Categories: Television 2008Click To It: Permalink  26 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Webkinz

Posted on Saturday, May 31st, 2008

Dave!Dear Isabella,

Yesterday I went to my mail box and there was a package in there! I was very excited to get a present in the mail, and so I ran all the way home so I could open it.

And what did I find inside? Why, it was a Webkinz Monkey and a letter from you!

Thank you very much for my new pet. I have called him Bad Monkey because he reminds me of Lil' Dave's pet monkey. He is a lot of fun, and likes to sit next to me on the couch while I watch television. It is good to have a new friend!

Dave and his new Webkinz Monkey.

In your letter you said that I should go to webkinz.com and enter a secret code so I can play with my monkey online. This is very cool! Now my monkey has a house on the internet! It is fun to buy new furniture for Bad Monkey's bedroom. I like pirates, so I am decorating it to look like a pirate ship. I even bought Bad Monkey a pirate hat!

Bad Monkey's Pirate-Themed Bedroom in Webkinz World

He likes to sleep on his pirate bed next to his favorite toy, a plastic guitar...

Webkinz monkey sleeping on his pirate-themed bed.

He also likes to climb up to his Crow's Nest Chair so he can keep an eye out for scurvy dogs who want to steal his treasure...

Webkinz monkey sitting in his Crows Nest chair.

Bad Monkey also likes to eat a lot. His favorite foods are Potato Chips and Bug Sandwiches. He also likes Chocolate Pudding... just like me! Here are foods I like to feed him...

Webkniz food... Chocolate Pudding, Jungle Bug Sandwich, Chocolate Milk, Potato Chips, Bananas, Ice Pops, Cupcake, Waffles, and Rasins.

I like to give my monkey a bath so he stays clean and healthy...

Webkinz monkey taking a bath with his rubber ducky.

In Webkinz World, you have to buy things with KinzCash. It is fun to win KinzCash by playing games. I bought a game called "Dogbeard's Bathtub Battles" which is a lot like "Battleship." If you win, you can get 40 KinzCash...

Webkinz Game

Webkinz winner screen showing 40 KinzCash in winnings.

There is a word game you can play, but I am not very good at it...

Webkinz Word Games

Instead I like to play Quizzy Bear's WhizKinz game. I am very smart... like super-genius smart... so it is easy to win more KinzCash by answering questions...

Webkinz Quizzy The Bear WhizKinz questions.

With all the KinzCash I won, I bought a yard for Bad Monkey to play in. Now I am saving my KinzCash so he can plant a garden...

Webkinz monkey playing in a grassy yard next to a garden.

Thank you so much for sending me such a great present!

Your Friend,

Dave2

Categories: Blogging 2008Click To It: Permalink  44 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

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