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Posted on Saturday, December 2nd, 2006

Dave!Thanks to a diet consisting largely of butter, cheese, Coke with Lime, and Little Debbie snack cakes, I've managed to pack on ten pounds in preparation for my winter fast. I'm sure a week in the midwest eating Chicago pizza, Johnny Rocket burgers, Pasta Salvi, and Wisconsin cheese will get me the additional three to five pounds I need. I don't want to end up in the hole after fasting, because the last thing I feel like doing is trying to regain weight afterwards. The only downside is that getting into my pants each morning is more of a struggle than usual. Maybe I should spend the next week in sweatpants? There's a lot of room in sweatpants...

Dave Sweatpants

After a morning tying up loose ends at work, I needed to hit a cash machine so I'll have "airport blueberry muffin breakfast money" tomorrow. It's cold outside, so I'm bummed to find out that there's somebody at the ATM ahead of me. Even worse, she seems to be having problems because she stands there for quite a while beep-beeping the buttons. Eventually she gives up and walks away from the machine with a handful of receipts (no money) crying. I would have asked her if she needed some help, but she never gave me the chance. The next thing I know she's in her car tearing off into the cold winter's day.

I've now spent the better part of my afternoon wondering what the deal was.

I think I've narrowed it down to this: she contracted a rare blood disease while building schools for orphans in Africa and found out this morning that she only has 6 months to live. This tragedy was compounded when she discovered after the doctor visit that her husband has been cheating on her with her best friend while she was abroad. Then, just as she was coming to grips with the horrible turn her life had taken, her pet puppy Barnaby became violently ill. A trip to the vet revealed that Barnaby was near death and needed medicine to survive. Wanting to do one good thing with her life before she dies, the woman bundles up her puppy and heads to the cash machine so she can buy the medicine, only to find out that her cheating husband had cleared out the account.

Either that, or she spent all her money getting drunk last night and didn't have any cash for cigarettes.

No matter which scenario, I feel bad that I didn't act faster to give her a fiver. Now Barnaby's blood (or her nicotine withdrawal) is on my hands.


Categories: DaveToons 2006Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. diane says:

    There’s a monkey in Dave’s pants, and he does a funny dance! :-)
    I am curious about the fasting…I shall peruse the archives to find out more…

  2. Mooselet says:

    Bad Monkey has an odd hand placement in your pants. Tell him hands off the merchandise!

  3. franky says:

    I think she discovered that ATMs use on Windows. :P

  4. I was going to chastise you for wearing sweatpants until I realized it’s actually a Monkey Rescue Reserve.

    You truly are the man!

  5. adena says:

    So, her philandering husband has run off w/ his teenage transcriptionist, and as she was returning home from a visit to nurse her sick mother back to health, she realized that he had cleaned out their mutual bank account, liquidated their house, sold their poodle to a wandering gypsy, and had her car repossesed from the long term parking.

    You just caught her at a bad time.

    (Or I’ve been reading too many romance novels…)

  6. Tal says:

    OMG, that is so weird. Babes in Toyland was on TV tonite and I was sitting there thinking how I should get a puppy and call him Barnaby. Creepy!

    Maybe you can check with local pet hospitals to see if any puppies named Barnaby have died in the past 24 hours and offer to pay for a headstone so the poor fella won’t have to rest in peace in one of those unmarked graves? Its the least you could do!!

  7. Shoshana says:

    Maybe she’s forgotten her PIN. I don’t think I know my PIN…come to think of it, I don’t even own an ATM card. I live in the Dinosaur age. No ATM card.

  8. Laurence says:

    Hoo hoo !!! A winter fast with cayenne pepper… Hoo hoo !!! You are a desperado !!!

    You can do anything with the food, with BadMonkey, but please.. Oh please… don’t wear sweatpants !!! :-D

    Great imagination but great heart to have the intention of giving her a fiver !!! :-)

  9. The Chad says:

    Hmmm… monkey in the sweatpants….I got nuthin.

  10. Rabbit says:

    Ever since I started working an office job, I’ve noticed I’ve been putting on a couple pounds. It must be the combination of free home cooked meals for lunch and sitting on my ass all day in front of a computer. Do you think they’d let me wear sweatpants to work?

  11. nancycle says:

    If sweatpants have a time and place, this might be it. I admire your “planning ahead” as not to be in a deficit after fasting. I do a spring cleanse, maybe I should start eating now…I have jogging pants… ….

    Having a monkey in your pants? Well, congratulations! … You don’t see that every day.

    Way to go that extra mile with the woman at the ATM Dave. ;-)

    I think that her daddy just died and she had to deposit all the inheritance money.

  12. karla says:

    I have been on a fast myself, though not as healthy as yours. After I got sick, I just sort of have been continuing with the lesser food intake…and alot of tea and water.

    I should eat more fruits and veggies, though.

    anyhow, I am weaning myself off some cravings and such and it’s working fairly well. Let us know how you progress, I am curious.

  13. Tal says:

    Hmm, preparing for your fast by eating alot of junk. That’s not healthy!
    Kinda like when I drive through mud puddles before going to the car wash!

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