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Toothpaste

Posted on Tuesday, March 30th, 2004

Dave!I can just tell that this is going to be a difficult day because the morning has already gone all pear-shaped. Getting out of bed I stubbed my toe. Starting the shower I splashed water all over the floor. Then I went to brush my teeth and found that I was out of toothpaste. Usually this would not be a big deal... I keep a complete travel kit in my luggage, so I figured I would just take the toothpaste I keep there. Unfortunately, I forgot that I had already taken the toothpaste from my luggage when I ran out the last time. So now there is no toothpaste to be found.

First I try brushing my teeth with a Listerine FreshBurst strip. But that just makes a mess. That's when I remember reading somewhere that you can brush your teeth with Baking Soda. Fortunately, I had once made a grievous error at the market and purchased Baking Soda instead of Baking Powder to make biscuits... so I knew that there was a box in my cupboard.

For those of you who have never made the mistake of attempting to brush your teeth with Baking Soda, here is pretty much how it goes...

Toothpaste 1

Toothpaste 2

Toothpaste 3

Now I know what evil must taste like. The bit they forget to tell you about using Baking Soda to brush your teeth is that it tastes like ass. It's kind of a strange bitter/salty chemical taste that will burn through your skull and drive you insane. Even worse, the taste does not go away... it lingers like horrifying memory that you are forced to relive again and again.

I think I will buy a dozen tubes of toothpaste after work so that I never make a mistake like this again.


Categories: DaveLife 2004, DaveToons 2004Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. AGK says:

    Eh, you’ll just forget where you put the extra tubes until one day you go hunting for that peculiar, moldy minty-fresh smell.

  2. Jenny says:

    That toon was the greatest! I could really see you running back and forth. Just so you know how much I enjoyed…I almost pissed myself…Is that too much information?!?

  3. Dave2 says:

    Nah, pee all you like… it’s your house. :-) I ended up buying just 4 tubes of toothpaste, so hopefully I will not lose them before they go bad. Nothing’s worse than a musty smell that’s also minty-fresh!

  4. Maybe I like your blog so much because you’re the only person I know who uses the term “tastes like ass” as often as I do.

  5. Scott says:

    Remember baking soda flavoured toothpaste? I think (and am glad that) they stopped making it, though it might be sold in towns with extra old people.

  6. Kevin says:

    lmao that toon was great ur hilarious

    ps
    thx for the ask dave widget

  7. Phil says:

    “What Evil Tastes Like” will be the title of my next album.

  8. alex says:

    Hey man the story is great but tell me my friend how do you know waht ass tastes like, whose ass have you been tasting????? does it leave you with a badass taste in the mouth.

  9. Dave2 says:

    I’m guessing that you either A) are not familiar with American slang, or B) have a small penis and feel the need to compensate by trolling blogs.

    I’m hoping the answer is “A” in which case I am here to help. As taken from the Urban Dictionary:

    “Tastes Like Ass”… foul, rancid, bitter, or otherwise unpleasant to the palate; disgusting; poor flavor

  10. Rabbit says:

    I finally tossed my baking soda toothpaste because the boyfriend insisted it tastes like caulk.

  11. Challen says:

    This has got to be the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time! Love the cartoon! Yes, I’ve done the same thing with baking soda except I tried to add more water….DO NOT ADD MORE WATER!

  12. shazthewaz says:

    that was hilarious, love the toon.
    i once had to use baking soda to do my teeth and i wanted a slightly minty taste so i mixed it with a little listerine mouth wash, huuuuuuuugh mistake, it was like i had swallowed a chemical waste compound

  13. S4T4N says:

    ok, thats the truth. ive tried it. *wince*

  14. Alan Clark says:

    I clean my toilet with baking soda…try adding white vinegar next time…you can pretend you’re a rabid dog! Suggest it would be better to just use bath soap next time you run out of toothpaste…that bad taste wouldn’t be nearly as bad as “ass”…

  15. JamesB says:

    Baking soda in toothpaste? My toothpaste has whitening; makes me wonder, does KY Jelly have browning?

  16. Stacey says:

    I loved the cartoon. I tried doing that once and i got sick all over the floor because of the taste. But anyway the cartoon was the funniest thing i have ever seen.

  17. Radar says:

    next time, try salt. As a kid (40+ years ago) kids weren’t allowed to use toothpaste – it was thought to be too corrosive for growing teeth. We used to have a small dish of salt in the cupboard under the sink which we used to dip a wet toothbrush into. It kind of acted like an abrasive and as long as you didn’t use too much, wasn’t too bad. Just don’t swallow.

  18. Erik says:

    I was actually going to say, “Don’t you hate when you say ‘That tastes like ass,’ and someone replies ‘How do you know what ass tastes like?’ and you just want to punch them right in the neck?”

    And then I scrolled your comments and someone said it. Classic.

  19. Jenna says:

    HAHA!! LMAO .. okay i knew where the story was going before you showed the toon .. lol .. my grandpa brushes his teeth like that, he always has .. my grandma made the terrible mistake of trying it .. she tells the story of it’s horrible and unforgettable taste .. almost everyday ..

  20. Cat says:

    I think Erik and others have said just about all I would say…or ask…they have asked everything I would have asked. Yeah. :D

  21. ashley says:

    nice toon. you could always have some Stride! Hmm tough choice: ass-tasting baking soda or i-can’t-breathe mint smell?

    nice toons :)

  22. BatCampbell says:

    Your comments and cartoon about brushing teeth with baking soda surprised me.

    I started using baking soda off and on for toothpaste when I was about 9 years old. I don’t recall where I learned it from. I like it… Kind of salty yet mild, and when you rinse your mouth all you taste is clean. No candy taste.

    The reason I found this link is that I was searching the web about using baking soda as a toothpaste. Since its so little known and decades of oral healthcare advances have come since grandpa’s day I assumed that it had to be bad for you. All I could find was positive reviews. If your in a pinch, another good dentrifice is plain old table salt (non iodized preferred). That works but it is a little course and intensely salty.

    I feel like I’m going to get flamed for posting this so let me say in advance that I have no clue what ass tastes like and have no desire to learn. I just think it tastes slightly salty but after a water rinse all you taste is clean.

  23. Tracy Lynn says:

    I desperately want to print this Davetoon out in poster size and hang it in my bathroom. It’s just that funny.

  24. jazz says:

    what the fu**k? boy u is so so so… my three year old smater than U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  25. Dave2 says:

    Yeah, I’m the stupid one here.

    U IS SO SO SO MUCH SMATER THEN ME 2!!!!!!!!!!!!

  26. Riftalope says:

    You’re being a wuss. Put up with it for the time it takes to clean your teeth and don’t scrub the skin off your tongue. … OK, here’s the (camping) trick. Wet your brush with mouthwash and then dip it in the soda powder to make a minty pulp. Then you’ll have only half the bad taste!
    “How do you know what ass tastes like?” Ever have a girlfriend squirm too far?

  27. Dave2 says:

    I’m a wuss? Who’s the one trying to make it taste better so they can handle it? :-)

    And, once again, as taken from the Urban Dictionary:

    “Tastes Like Ass”… foul, rancid, bitter, or otherwise unpleasant to the palate; disgusting; poor flavor

  28. amber says:

    what the fuck that is prity dam funny and u are hot

  29. That’s just about the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! Ok, not really, but it was damn funny.

  30. Theresa says:

    I stumbled upon your nifty little blog you got here sonny Jim. Life can be hilarious and you

    int one pretty damn funny picture. It makes me want to look at my life less seriously and more by the seat of my pants.

    I’m listening to Blue Dress by Depeche Mode. Thought you would appreciate hearing an oldie but goodie.

  31. twinkie says:

    Too funny. Baking soda has so many uses it’s crazy!

    The only thing remotely similar to the evil ass taste is hydrogen peroxide. They say to gargle with it for a sore throat or if you’re out of mouthwash so I tried it once and lemme just say… it tastes WORSE than ass.

    I would have rather gargled with horse semen.. oops I mean… with … ummm… ah never mind.

  32. John says:

    LOL at this one. Classic. : )))

  33. John says:

    You have broken the record for number of times you can look at something and still find it funny. I am now at 57 and counting.

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